MARRIAGE MATTERS: A Race To Save The Most Endangered Institution In America

Can healthy marriages truly be the cornerstone of generational wealth and community stability? Join us as we tackle this thought-provoking question, guided by the wisdom of "granddaddy," an insightful older Black man who sheds light on the alarming drop in marriage rates within the Black community over the past generation. We explore the deep-seated implications of this decline on wealth-building and community resilience, touching on societal trends that celebrate single life and the nuanced effects of interracial relationships on Black family dynamics. This episode challenges the conventional narrative, arguing that healthy marriages form the bedrock of thriving communities.

The conversation doesn't stop there. We delve into the evolving landscape of relationships, especially as women gain more access to resources and opportunities, reshaping traditional notions of partnership. While acknowledging systemic hurdles like mass incarceration and restrictive policies that have historically destabilized Black families, we celebrate the resilience inherent in the community. We urge a return to interdependence, where financial independence empowers rather than isolates, nurturing familial bonds and reinforcing community strength. Join us in this candid discussion as we reaffirm core values and shared goals, recognizing that healthy marriages are not just personal milestones but pivotal to collective prosperity.

Chapters

• 0:14 The Importance of Healthy Marriages
• 9:45 Building Generational Wealth Through Healthy Marriages
• 23:08 Challenges Facing Black Marriages

Transcript

SYLVESTER: 0:14

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 podcast, your introduction to a healthy, committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

SYLVESTER: 0:35

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER: 0:38

Yes, she is y'all.

SYLVESTER: 0:39

Thanks, babe

SYLVESTER: 0:40

And my babe not all the way up. We're recording pretty late tonight, so please excuse, maybe, the lack of energy that she usually has

SYLVESTER: 0:52

.

SYLVESTER: 0:55

Can we afford to let marriage fade, or are we ready to reclaim it as a path to prosperity for our communities? That's what we're here to talk about. That was a recent clip. That sounds spicy. It's pretty caliente. It's pretty, you know.

JASMEKA: 1:15

What does that mean?

SYLVESTER: 1:17

Caliente, oh hot.

JASMEKA: 1:20

Oh, oh.

SYLVESTER: 1:21

Hot, hot, hot, hot yeah.

JASMEKA: 1:25

Yes, it's, but tell them about the clip. I'm sorry.

SYLVESTER: 1:27

There's a clip that surfaced. I don't even know who this guy was talking, so excuse me for that, but I saw it on Instagram. Older black guy I call him my granddaddy that man looked white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my grandma looked white, yeah, yeah yeah, a lot of my grandma looked white.

JASMEKA: 1:46

My great-grandma oh, he's a black guy.

SYLVESTER: 1:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my great-grandma was one of those ones who looked white.

JASMEKA: 1:50

Okay, yeah, we got those. But I just honestly thought that was a white man.

SYLVESTER: 1:54

So when he said, our people I'm looking like Very, very, very, very, very light-skinned, but that was my granddaddy and he was laying down some facts, man, he was giving some statistics about, you know, the existential crisis in Black America, or for the Black families anyway, and it was particularly about in America. It was about the Black families in America. But it also gave some very interesting statistics about Chinese, asians, east Indian families, hispanics, whites interesting, um, just the decline of the marriage rate in each one of these families and how the marriage rate, the amount of marriages that they have in their community, correlates with the annual household median income for the family. And yeah, it basically was showing that marriage has a lot to do with building wealth. It has a lot to do with how much you know your worth and how much you're actually able to do for not just your family but generations to come, able to do for not just your family but generations to come. Marriage is the foundation of generational wealth.

SYLVESTER: 3:38

We see a lot of people in our community and in other communities as well. You know we praise them for becoming wealthy, for becoming rich, these pillars in society however, how strong is a pillar if it's alone? Is what this clip and this data is kind of like brought to my attention. Yeah, we praise Oprah Winfrey and we praise, you know, a lot of people in our community and in other communities. However, how impactful is that really If you're not building for the family? Because it takes what we say healthy individuals make for healthy partnerships, healthy marriages, which makes for healthy families, which makes for healthy communities and so on and so on, but just the marriage itself. That in itself is a pillar of the community. The community stands on marriages. Community full of healthy, established marriages is a healthy community and we have to start really treating it like that. I think it's more trendy to do the single thing than to it's 7pm, right, it's 95 degrees.

JASMEKA: 5:05

I ain't got no nigga, my nigga ain't got me. That's the song, the national anthem of the time that we are in. I was riding in the car, 99 Gems was playing it and I'm like I ain't got no nigga. I was like I got a nigga and shit right up Like no. But sorry, but sorry, I just it went with what you were saying Like these are the times we're living in.

JASMEKA: 5:31

They're trying to attack this. They're trying to and it's only for our communities. Y'all send me a Spanish song that say something about I don't need a nigga. I don't want a nigga, forget a nigga. They be looking want a nigga, forget a nigga. They be looking like. All they songs just about sex, like having more children. I don't know, but I don't know right?

SYLVESTER: 5:52

Yeah, I don't know. We just know about our community and the fact that once you see that clip like so, according to the statistics, the black community is at the bottom.

JASMEKA: 6:03

We're at the bottom on the median income, the marriage rate, and I did kind of say like hey, where he's getting these stats from. That was a question for people who's like me that want to know like how you got this, how many people did you survey or where did it come from. But based on that clip and I could believe it, like money-wise, we're down there because let's talk about and I ain't coming for nobody but a black man that go out date outside their race. I don't think he's counting that as a black family Like you're. You know, interracial or Right, right.

SYLVESTER: 6:42

If it's interracial, then that doesn't fit.

JASMEKA: 6:44

That statistic fit I don't think that counted towards that. So we I do believe that you know stat wise we are down there and say we declined to 34 percent marriage rate and we came from 80 came from 85 percent a whole generation ago, which was 20, 30 years give or take ago our grandparents it was 85% and a black community.

SYLVESTER: 7:12

85% marriage rate versus 2030 meant 20, 30 years later, a whole generation over. Now it's down to 34%. What is going on with us? And something like that could eventually wipe us out. We already at the bottom. That's definitely directly tied to your annual household income median. It's directly tied to your wealth building capabilities. So if we're at the bottom and we don't start taking marriage serious, we're going to continue to go down until ain't nothing left. Ain't nothing left for you, ain't nothing left for me left for you, ain't nothing left for me and the show ain't nothing left for them kids. So we got to start playing around I just think about it.

JASMEKA: 8:13

Um, you know, coming out of slavery. Since we seen our grandparents and all that, I believe they were able to purchase land and houses because it it was a of two. I'm not going to lie, some stuff that our grandparents dealt with went through for us relationships. I just it's some stuff I can't take. But I honor marriage. I honor, you know, them building an empire together as a team. But the whole the man do this and the woman don't do this. That's part of it. I'm not.

JASMEKA: 8:51

I just don't 100% agree. Like the man just provide for the family and the woman stay home and take care of the kids hey, if that's your vision and it works, it works. We did it when the kids were younger, but when they got older, it's like, hey, hey, I got a purpose. I need to fulfill what I'm placed on this earth to do too. I don't think I'm just called to be a wife and a mother, like I'm called to be various things, just like you, right. So I feel like, if anything, if the marriage rate was high, our median should be up there because we work it's two-parent household now, like we're working, so we should be up there too. Like I don't understand how we're at 34% marriage rate, but we're also 55% annual median household income 55,000.

JASMEKA: 9:33

55,000,. Yeah, like, how are we low on the marriage rate and also low on the financials? The math not mapping.

SYLVESTER: 9:45

Because they correlate with each other, Like when we if, if we're not building teams because that's what a marriage is If we're not good team builders, right, if we're not good partnership makers which is what marriage is makers, which is what marriage is If we deplore that and push that away, and that ain't you know, if we running away from doing that, then we running away from building foundations for generations after us to stand on. That's why it correlates Everybody for self, Everybody's selfish, and they for self. I heard you say yeah, it's some things that you know, our grandparents put up with, or grandma put up with, that I couldn't put up with, and I understand that. However, that also speaks to how important they listen. That also speaks about how important grandma them knew it was Great. Grandma them knew how important it was, though, to stay together, because we can't build this alone.

JASMEKA: 10:50

I also feel like they had a lack of resources where they couldn't leave. Like now they're giving women so much stuff, grants, women owned businesses, like they are throwing money at women independents which is incredible, right, and it's bringing a woman the woman is one of the highest earners.

SYLVESTER: 11:13

Now I think coming up like the woman is like close to being like 50%, like, of the wealth in the world is now being funneled to the woman. Now how empowering is that? Right If that woman is not just a woman because I also heard you say like I'm not just a mother, I'm not just a wife. That's great, because we need you to be able to go out there, get that bag that they are offering. Right If they're going to funnel it all to the woman, but then not just any woman, though, because being a wife and being a mother is actually what adds value to you, to where that bag you get in makes sense, not just today, but it makes sense for generations to come.

SYLVESTER: 12:05

It makes sense for your children, your children, children, your children, children, children. It ain't just for you, absolutely. So I understand. No, you're not just here to be a wife, you're not just here to be a mother. Go and be what else you want to be. That adds value. But you got that. It's for you to bring that back, absolutely. It's for me, as a man, to go get that back and bring that back. It's like society like now, like we just want to go get the bag, just for us, though we ain't bringing nothing back. And then we ask people what you bring to the table.

JASMEKA: 12:42

Yeah, because there definitely was a grant. The business just needed to be 51 percent owned by a woman. Guess what, babe? That's right on this operating agreement, I own 72 percent and let's apply. We know what it is it's a lot of 72 percent.

JASMEKA: 13:01

As of today, this grant came out today. As of today, I own 72% of this business to get the bag. So that goes with what he's saying, like yeah, they throwing the money at women and hey, I'm going to make sure you know you go get it and I'm supporting, but it's coming back home, it's coming back home it's coming back home, back home.

JASMEKA: 13:23

It's coming back home, so take advantage of how they are trying to make this women through the world society, but do it for your family. So I think that's why, like you say, the number is declining. We're now at 34%. Women ain't putting up with men Mess they don't have to. It's a lot of resources to say you don't want to, no more. All right, let's go outside. I ain't got a nigga. A nigga ain't got me Start a business. I can get you this grant. Learn this. Learn that you don't need them.

SYLVESTER: 13:57

Which is incredible. I think the difference is, though, is that when it was men that had the bag and you know, we don't, we don't put men against women here, but I'm just saying that the difference I'm seeing that when it was the man that had the bag right, it was throwing all the money came to the man. The man wasn't perfect. Never is never perfect. All right, no perfect people allowed, women ain't allowed. But when that man had that bag, for the most part he might have been out there doing God knows what with Sister Sue, or Papa lay his hat.

SYLVESTER: 15:06

Papa was a Rolling Stone.

JASMEKA: 15:08

He might have had another family down the block. But guess what?

SYLVESTER: 15:13

He brought that bag back home, dog, he still stuck to what the freak he was supposed to be doing with that bag, and I think government likes to play on a woman's emotions. We're going to give it to you because we know we can control you through emotions, so that you ain't going to take it back. You ain't going to take it back. You ain't going to take it back. Let them piss you off. Let them. It's still. What do you call it? Conditional. It becomes conditional when it's in the hands of the woman Because, oh, if you ain't doing this and you ain't doing that, if you ain't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then I ain't bringing this bag home. You got me messed up, but that man, he might have been doing wrong, and some of the men got wrong, done to them. And still, granddaddy still brought that bag home, though he still brought that bacon home.

JASMEKA: 16:15

Even though they were going through it all you know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER: 16:19

And now that the woman getting the bag, she feeling herself because she got options, and that's true. But the problem with options is it's temptation. Options could, could be cloud. Options could cloud your vision. You know what I'm saying. Sometimes having less options keeps you focused, you know what I'm saying. And so throwing so much options at you, you mess around and forget where the real value at, where you really supposed to be taking that bag at, because on your way home you pass by the Gucci store, the Fendi store and you stopped and got this and got that, and blah, blah, blah. By the time you get home you got this much left.

SYLVESTER: 16:59

You get home. You're about this much left. You know what I'm saying Because you don't let your focus and let the vision get clouded and let your focus go in all these other places that you felt like value was at. But, first and foremost, value goes home. First, build a home.

JASMEKA: 17:17

I think we should share some of the benefits of the power of two, like the bible even tell us Two is better than one. So Like I think they should know some of the benefits Of the financial Money plays Of a unit. It's plays. It's plays we already know. Y'all probably heard the one Both of y'all do y'all FHA loan before y'all get married. You buy one, you buy one. Now y'all got two instead of one. That's one. But let's say that you're using one of y'all income and one of y'all credit to get an investment property or something and you just need to offset some debt, transfer that debt to your spouse, close on whatever play you're gonna close on. They ain't see none of that debt you got over there. Or there's a play with trading. If your account gotta be twenty five thousand dollars and I know a single person may try to counter me like well, I could just open up three accounts, well, if it's two, you can open up six.

SYLVESTER: 18:20

So basically, whatever you can do by yourself, with two you can double that.

JASMEKA: 18:28

Where it may take you three months to save $10,000. But if y'all got a job, it may take you a month to save $10,000. But these are people that are in healthy, committed relationships Because there's some bogus stuff out there. Yeah, there's some bogus stuff. Yeah, let's say, ten thousand dollars in a month and that'd be his escape money in a month right right so so both of y'all really committed yeah, both of y'all and y'all really focused and want the same things.

SYLVESTER: 18:57

Y'all really trying to build a home right, not just buy a house, but build a home which is a foundation for family. You ain't just having kids to have kids. It's time to put the focus back on the tape right. What's the goal? To build wealth for our family, to be able to be a blessing for our children and our children's children. You know what I'm saying. And then they in turn, when it's time for them to do the same thing. They don't start off the same place we started off at. They get to start off ahead of what we started off at. That's what generational wealth is supposed to do.

JASMEKA: 19:36

And they got a model to look at. Look we taking all hell, heat, smoke, hate, whatever to set a trend for generations to come Right Like. Let's change it. Let's change the narrative. Let's show them what two working parents look like, how we balance it, what it feels like hey, it may change where it's back to only one working parent and the other one stay home, but we're always going to remain a team, whatever the system may be.

SYLVESTER: 20:06

Right. So I just feel like and you always got a plan, yeah, I mean, that's a good thing too. By myself, I can have a plan and I'm working it. It's going to take longer If I had that same plan with two people working on that same plan. How much farther do you get with that Way further, way faster too? So it's definitely some things you're going to have to put up with. Like there's a cost to any type of progress that you make. There's a cost. You can't even jump in your car without paying for some gas at some point, right. Like that's the cost of progress, that's a cost to getting somewhere. And I feel like a lot of people are running away from what it costs to really build, right, something that sustains longer than you live in. Because who are you going to leave it to? Everybody like to say they're a real nigga to his time.

JASMEKA: 21:02

Shut up, you living, because who are you going to leave it to? Everybody like to say they're a real nigga. Until it's time, shut up, go away, go, it's late, go. My God, I'm just saying, like everybody's, going to be like oh, I'm real, I'm real, I'm so honest, I'm so this. But when it's time to be that in a relationship, all that just fly out the window. What happened to your realness? What happened to that? What happened to it?

SYLVESTER: 21:26

What happened to it? Let's be real about things that really make a difference. Let's be real about legacy. Let's be real about building something sustainable, something that makes sense. How long are we going to be playing? How long are we going to play these kiddie games, man, like? What are you doing and who are you doing it? For Just you, that ain't worth a lot. Just so you know. If you're just doing it for you, it ain't worth a lot. Now, if that's what you had in your life, cool, but what are your aspirations? Is it only for you? I'm talking about in the long run, because we're not playing on Dynamar. We're talking about the long run. It's all about the long game. And if you ain't got strategy, if you ain't got plans for the long game, then what do you say? If you don't have a, those who plan, who fail to plan, plan to fail. You already lost the game. You know what I'm saying? You already lost the game. And marriage is that's right, it's a um, it's a trump card.

JASMEKA: 22:34

What's that?

SYLVESTER: 22:36

Spades. I'm talking spades right now. Oh, I'm talking spades now. I'm talking to talking to talking to spades right now. Oh, I'm talking spades. Now, I'm talking spades. I don't speak Spanish, so if you play spades, then you know what I mean by a trump card.

JASMEKA: 22:44

No, it's my spade.

SYLVESTER: 22:46

Right. That's your ace. That's your ace in the hole, that's your trump card. That's the strongest card you got in your hand. It's marriage, it's committed partnership, but we want to play. We want to play. How long we want to play? There's a lot of things that has gotten in the way of us doing the marriage thing the right way of us. Of the decline, I would say, and I would say that maybe systemic oppression has definitely played a role. There's been a lot of ways that we've been oppressed through laws and policies. We've been through a lot. We know that there's also been mass incarceration that played a big role on the family dynamic in the black community, locking all of the men up. They ain't locked up. They on drugs. The 70s and the 80s like did a number on us.

JASMEKA: 23:57

You know what I'm saying we're giving the women public housing and telling them they can't let it. Well, we're resourceful, we gonna let it and we gonna have the shoe on us. You know what I'm saying? We're giving the women public housing and telling them the man can't let her, but we're resourceful, he gonna let her and we gonna hide the shoe.

SYLVESTER: 24:07

He gonna let her and we gonna that's what they do they like hide the shoes.

JASMEKA: 24:12

Like they hide the person's stuff Because I think they used to do like home inspections or something to see if it was a man in there. Really, we are resourceful people. What?

SYLVESTER: 24:25

Right now Bring that back y'all. I mean, that's definitely.

JASMEKA: 24:30

Go against whatever they saying. If they telling y'all to be independent, go against it. Be dependent upon a man.

SYLVESTER: 24:38

Be interdependent.

JASMEKA: 24:40

Yeah, like go against it, go against it. We like to fight. Fight against that, not each other, not our families, not something that's healthy. Like fight against that.

SYLVESTER: 24:54

Exactly, I think, what else we had, Because there's been some cultural shifts in the way that we view marriage. Right Over the years, our idea of marriage has, you know it's changed. People have been. Media has a lot to do with that. It's been a lot of propaganda against marriage.

JASMEKA: 25:25

Child media. Talk to your pain points.

SYLVESTER: 25:28

Men ain't piss and women ain't that.

JASMEKA: 25:31

And it's the one. Oh y'all, I'm sorry I gotta go there. It's the video, it's the chick. I need to know her marital status. She like oh, your man should come home to this, this, this, this, this. I need to know her marital status. She like oh, your man should come home to this, this, this, this, this, slurped up plate, this, this, that sit, this, sit, that, sit, that, sit, this, do that, do this. How long you been married? Are you married? Are you just speaking to men and like what are you doing? And are you just speaking to men and like what are you doing?

SYLVESTER: 26:02

And are you healthy? And are you healthy? Are you in a healthy place? Because you could just be speaking out of your pain. Yeah, they're just speaking to pain points and it's like and it's definitely going to connect with people who are in pain. Yeah, but that only brings a divide.

JASMEKA: 26:17

In the home. In the home, because it's like you got this man feeling like, see, this woman could do it. How you know she doing it? How do you even know what type of relationship she's in for one? She's probably not even committed to one, so it's definitely a divide. Like social media. Have you feeling like, oh, if your man ain't bringing you flowers, taking you on trips and buying you a bag, he'll love you? Or if your man ain't doing this, he texting somebody else? Like, stop letting social media speak to your pain points.

SYLVESTER: 26:47

Do something about your pain meanwhile 34 marriage rate 30 34.

JASMEKA: 26:54

And then it said there's other numbers on it in the video he said if we don't correct this if we don correct this, we're going to be in a teens, like if the black families don't start merging, creating partnerships, lasting partnerships. Let's say that Because some of these marriages, the wedding lasted longer than the marriage. Yeah, yeah, it's cute. Yeah, y'all spent a lot of money, but I need y'all to spend that on the marriage. Like, I don't know if that, if therapy was needed, I don't know what in like I don't know what they needed. But people are staying married less, like we just doing it for a show. Stop living for the gram.

SYLVESTER: 27:44

Now did I tell him I was going to show him this video?

JASMEKA: 27:46

Yeah, you said you're going to put the video, did I?

SYLVESTER: 27:48

say that.

JASMEKA: 27:49

But when y'all hear it yeah, you said it in the beginning. Okay, 34%.

SYLVESTER: 27:52

Nah, nah, they already heard it. They heard it. So in that video, if you remember, he went down and he told us who was at the top who used to be at the top no, no, who? East indians are at the top right now, but white families were at the top for 350 54 years, oh yeah, 354 if I'm off on the phone, y'all don't be petty yeah. What? Something like 350 years?

JASMEKA: 28:23

They were at the top for 300 and something years and who they claim are the wealthiest Whites. The power is in the unit. That's why they're working overtime to divide us. Forget, not forget marriages. But marriages is just one. They're doing it in our families. Just imagine if we team up in your family your mama, your daddy, your siblings, you and spouse that's two. You and your family that's six to eight. Y'all could take a building down. But no, let's keep them divided, let's keep making this marriage rate go down and let's keep acquiring all the assets.

JASMEKA: 29:05

Alright, when you're trying to take a building down, we trying to put a building up, hit it, not put it down.

SYLVESTER: 29:10

Yeah, we trying to put a building up, put a few buildings up. We trying to, yeah.

JASMEKA: 29:16

I passionately, genuinely, wholeheartedly hate the narrative that they pushing Baby. If passionately, genuinely, wholeheartedly hate the narrative that they pushing Baby. If I hear Sahara singing a, I ain't got nigga, nigga, what.

SYLVESTER: 29:30

That's our daughter.

JASMEKA: 29:32

Sorry, that's a conversation. I don't want to hear that. That ain't what we doing. We're not solo me. I don't need a man, we ain't doing it. Don't even sing, it's just a song. No, you're. You're confessing that over your life. You're speaking it.

SYLVESTER: 29:49

Definitely.

JASMEKA: 29:50

Well, yeah, man, y'all tell us how y'all feel. Tell us how y'all feel. Before I saw the video, my husband came to me. He said you watch that video yet I was like not. Yet he said who you think is the highest has the highest marriage rate. And he gave me choices and I was like uh, I think who? I said first the Asians.

SYLVESTER: 30:16

I said Asians.

JASMEKA: 30:17

Then when I listened to the video, it was the Indians and we both was like yeah, that's more like arranged marriages, so it's like they kind of are placed in these situations. And I told him about an experience I had with this Indian lady when I was volunteering at an event. She was working at this particular center because she hated her husband. It was a range. She didn't like him, she didn't want to be there, so she was working from nine till like six or 7 pm, so she just go home, do dinner, sleep and work Monday through Friday. That was an arranged marriage. So we was like, yeah, they rate high, but what's their happiness level? So now we trying to go in a rabbit hole to be like how many?

SYLVESTER: 31:07

how many Indians Right. It just makes you wonder how, how many of them are happy, wonder how many of them are happy. How many of them are happy? And I'm sure arranged marriages is a custom. That's a custom. That's a custom that's in their culture right, right right.

SYLVESTER: 31:26

I ain't saying I agree with it, but it was just interesting to see that they were at the top and I that they were at the top and I think they were second on the money, though they're number one in the marriage rate. The Asians their annual median, I think, was 110.

JASMEKA: 31:47

No, the Asians was 110. They was like 105 or something, something.

SYLVESTER: 31:51

Okay, so they were just a little bit lower than the Chinese Asians.

JASMEKA: 31:56

Baby, we know them Chinese Asians. They are serious. I'm not surprised they dominating, you know, listen, I'm not surprised they was up there, that's granted. Like them, people so serious, focused by the books, Like if you ever had a professor that was Chinese baby, they had no nonsense. Be like miss, I forgot. Oh, no F, F you get F, no makeup. I can't talk like them, but no makeup.

SYLVESTER: 32:26

What was that?

JASMEKA: 32:27

That was no makeup, oh my God.

SYLVESTER: 32:30

So there's definitely some things that we that was no makeup, oh my God. So what is? There is definitely some things that we can learn. Yeah, there's definitely a lot that the black community can learn and take from those with higher marriage rates. There's also a lot of there's. There's some growth room for everybody, though Absolutely. It's just that we at the bottom you know what I'm saying, uh, and we need to change that. We got to from the indians.

JASMEKA: 32:58

I like, not a range, but agreement. Like if your parents are sound and and just pure and hear from god and they just ain't one of those broken, wounded, you unhappy yourself, so you're not going to tell me to not marry this man because who are you hearing from, you're hurt or God. But I do believe in parents agreeing because they always like they, the people that that ain't your friend, like they know stuff, they can sense it, they could feel it when they discern it right. So I respect that. I do want to be involved in my children's process of who they agree to be with. I do want to be like yeah, I think this is the one. I think it's good, far as the Asians. We already know. Baby, I done put them kids in Kumon and experienced it for a little second how they treat them babies Serious, no nonsense, just straight, be straight. They're not perfect, but straight From the whites they had. I don't remember this, but they was 50%, I think.

SYLVESTER: 34:07

Their marriage rate was 50%.

JASMEKA: 34:08

Marriage was 50% and their income kind of went down. I think it's 55.

SYLVESTER: 34:10

Yeah, I think their marriage rate was 50% marriage was 50% and their income kind of went down. I think it's 55, I think, yeah, I think their income was 55. What?

JASMEKA: 34:17

was that something that was that was our?

SYLVESTER: 34:18

income. So they probably was 80. I think that was like 80. Yeah, it went down. They losing, they losing, place them.

JASMEKA: 34:26

Asian and them Indian standing up. They like, yeah, we see america, this is america. Yeah, don't catch them slipping. How did that song go? Yeah, that's how it go.

SYLVESTER: 34:35

So is this my thing is like, the guy said it like and for the black community.

SYLVESTER: 34:40

This is only an isolated thing for black americans in america right not for people on the continent I thought that was interesting too not black Americans outside of America. This thing, it's an American culture thing and we see it eating away even at the white families, because we've been here the longest, so it's a very alarming thing to find out about. But when you get here the longest, so it's a very alarming thing to find out about. But when you get new information, then when new information comes, new revelations and you're supposed to do something different.

JASMEKA: 35:21

You gotta make a change.

SYLVESTER: 35:22

You're supposed to do something different. I appreciate what we come on here to do, what our intentions are.

JASMEKA: 35:32

Healthy committed relationships.

SYLVESTER: 35:33

I accept that call. You know, if there's anything we could do to help people Absolutely To change the culture and the narrative? You know what I'm saying of marriage in America for Black Americans, for Latino Americans, for white Americans, for Latino Americans, for white Americans, for any Americans. We are for that, we, we, we, we take that on and we accept it.

JASMEKA: 36:04

Um black families.

SYLVESTER: 36:07

That's definitely a crisis.

JASMEKA: 36:08

We're going to waste away and cry victim, like I'm so over that story, like yes, it's racism, yes, yes, yes. I'm not trying to say it don't exist. But baby ain't got that much power over me, I'm gone. Like I said before, we are very resourceful you know, that's something let me make the system work for me definitely, that's something that, uh, what was the saying?

SYLVESTER: 36:32

and I think it came from us because you're married, I mean, what was the thing?

JASMEKA: 36:40

just because you're single is not a curse, and just because you're married, that don't mean it's the answer like right now.

SYLVESTER: 36:49

What does that mean?

JASMEKA: 36:51

just because you're single right now, you're not cursed. And just because you're married, that don't mean that's it. Like you arrived in my place, that don't mean that you do you're the problem.

SYLVESTER: 37:03

Because you're single, that don't mean that it's not a curse, right.

JASMEKA: 37:06

And because you're married, that don't mean that you got it all I got the ring and I'm married. Y'all yeah you got work to do okay, so, and so what?

SYLVESTER: 37:19

and so all we doing is kind of like realigning and kind of just re-emphasizing what that work actually is, and that's to the married people and to the non-married people. We just kind of um, I guess, reiterating why, why it might be important to, on a deeper level, find somebody that you're willing to commit to.

JASMEKA: 37:42

Who's worth the commitment you?

SYLVESTER: 37:44

know what I'm saying, and once you do that right, once you do that right, initially this is somebody I feel like is worth the commitment, right. And then, after that, you got to take it further and think about your children, your children's children you know what I'm saying, your children's, children's children, and is it worth it right?

JASMEKA: 38:12

is it worth it?

SYLVESTER: 38:14

and I ain't saying, of course, we not fuck staying in something toxic and all that. We here to help. We want healthy individuals, which makes for healthy, committed relationships right, which makes for healthy and thriving communities. But committed relationships right, which makes for healthy and thriving communities, but that family dynamic, that committed relationship, that marriage healthy, has to be that let's work on it so that we can build generational wealth, so that that goes on and on and on and just makes for a better community. Whether it's the white community, the black community, the Spanish community, marriage is important.

JASMEKA: 39:02

And if you live in Miami Gardens, don't be crying about people taking over your city. What you doing.

SYLVESTER: 39:07

What you doing how you positioning yourself. How you positioning yourself right, how you positioning yourself in that climate where you feel like, oh, people coming in America and they taking everything. You could scream that and cry that till your eyes turn blue Till you ain't nothing left for you to take. But how you positioning yourself though in that math equation right, you know what I'm saying. How you positioning yourself, though, in that math equation Right?

JASMEKA: 39:32

You know what I'm saying, how you positioning yourself Go ahead and to my black people that treat our own people like real trash. This ain't got nothing to do with today's topic, but I've been feeling this.

SYLVESTER: 39:46

Ooh.

JASMEKA: 39:47

Ooh, treat our own people like trash. And we are already fighting against so much, so much racism out there. Like, come on man, come on man. You saying the nigga ain't the world already saying he ain't give them any reason to lock them up, they gonna right. So it's just like stop being nasty to each other. Y'all cry racism and this and this and this and that, and y'all contributing to it. We are contributing to it.

SYLVESTER: 40:20

And that's for the women, that's for the men.

JASMEKA: 40:24

That's for everybody.

SYLVESTER: 40:26

As a man. Treat that woman how she should be treated, so that she doesn't feel devalued in her role as your woman.

JASMEKA: 40:41

And if you don't know how to treat her, reach out for help. Ask somebody, look something up.

SYLVESTER: 40:49

Put forth that effort because it's out there and if you're that woman, treat that man the way he need to be treated, so that he, like, put that battery in his back so that he can go out and do what it is that he's supposed to be doing. Let's continue to deny ourselves.

JASMEKA: 41:07

I was just about to say if you got a problem with sex and that's the only reason.

JASMEKA: 41:10

y'all relationship in shambles. That same hatred you got for the LGBTQ ZBD ABC community I'm sorry, I'm just exaggerating on the letters that same hatred you got for their thing that they cannot resist. Be mad at yourself with that and try to apply that same hatred like I hate that. I do this. This is nasty, it's disgusting, it's self-control, self-control. The same thing they wrestle with, you wrestle with it too, but you hate it in them. But you're doing the same thing just with a different person.

JASMEKA: 41:43

Healthy, committed relationships Bad, I gotta go Because they might start throwing tomatoes at me next week and you might don't have a co-host.

SYLVESTER: 41:53

Listen, let's rethink the role of marriage in our personal lives and in regards to our communities. Let's rethink it. It ain't. It's actually a benefit. All right, we love y'all, I'm going to say it again, though One more time for y'all I'm going to say it again one more time for y'all For the road. A thriving community starts with strong families. A thriving community starts with strong families. And can we afford to let marriage fade, or are we ready to reclaim marriage as a path to prosperity, because it is?

JASMEKA: 42:36

There's a whole lot of money in there. We out y'all.

SYLVESTER: 43:00

Peace. Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.