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LOVE INTEREST: How Compound Gestures Transform Your Relationship

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 35

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Discover how the principles of compound interest can revolutionize your relationship in our latest episode of the Relationships 101 Podcast. Sylvester and JasMeka Wilson promise to transform how you perceive acts of love within your partnership. Learn how consistent, heartfelt gestures—akin to compounding interest—can enrich your relationship beyond the simplicity of occasional kindness. We unpack everyday actions, from cooking dinner to surprise notes, showing how these investments can create a fulfilling and dynamic bond that grows over time.

Sylvester and JasMeka share their insights on maintaining balance and mutual effort in any relationship. With engaging anecdotes, they illustrate how an imbalance can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. They highlight the power of the "love challenge," encouraging partners to track positive acts and organically acknowledge each other's efforts. By focusing on self-motivated gestures, you can nurture a relationship that thrives on genuine appreciation and understanding rather than transactional expectations.

Explore the importance of communication and self-improvement as the foundation of a healthy, committed partnership. We delve into how personal fulfillment is crucial before contributing positively to a relationship, emphasizing the value of clear communication in avoiding misunderstandings. With the playful concept of earning "love points," Sylvester and JasMeka encourage couples to engage actively and thoughtfully. Join us for an insightful journey into building an enduring connection that is rooted in love, respect, and continuous investment.

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast, your introduction to a healthy, committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, she is y'all.

JASMEKA:

Babe, let's get into it, Not into it, let's talk about it. Hey, listen.

SYLVESTER:

Money.

JASMEKA:

Okay, money that's what we talk about. We all like to see our money grow, right. Definitely we big on compound interest. We want to put it in a savings account that offers the highest interest rate. Have you ever tied that into your relationship? Are you compounding in that relationship or are you just getting a bare minimum 0.25% because you ain't really you ain't really depositing nothing? Wow, like you got $50 in that account and you wondering why they ain't at $1,000 yet.

JASMEKA:

Right man, sir. 0.25 percent on $50 is, I don't know, the math off the top of my head, but I'm sure it's like 10 or 25 cents maybe so after a year's time you got like if you had a hundred dollars in there, you got 110 cent after a year's time.

SYLVESTER:

that's's crazy. So that right, there is kind of like what we call simple interest. And that's when in a relationship, when you're only giving, you're only giving on occasions, you're only giving holidays, birthdays. You know what I'm saying.

JASMEKA:

Father's Day, christmas.

SYLVESTER:

Valentine's Day. You're not, yeah, your interests. And let's think about that word interest, right, how much you're actually interested in the relationship, in your person, in the relationship growing. The more you put into that, the more that that relationship will grow. So so then there's another thing called compound interest.

JASMEKA:

That's what we all love. We love to see that money grow.

SYLVESTER:

Exactly, and that's when you give into it, but then your interest is going to grow according to the principle and the interest that's already in the bank so you're saying has my birthday coming up?

JASMEKA:

y'all, let me try to see. So you're saying that when you give to me on my birthday, that's the basic interest, right? The simple yeah and if you want to compound it, you will start giving like this month. Is that like the compound?

SYLVESTER:

no, actually the compound uh happens on the other end. That's why it's, it's, it's too, that's the interest like you're.

JASMEKA:

Listen'm sorry, my birthday in January, right, mm-hmm? So if you give me the basic gift, the simple gift, what you're supposed to do on birthday?

SYLVESTER:

Right right.

JASMEKA:

That's just the simple. Okay, it's expected Mm-hmm, but if you want to grow it even more Right, you can compound it.

SYLVESTER:

Okay.

JASMEKA:

Compound interest. Okay, okay, you can compound it.

SYLVESTER:

Okay. Compound interest Okay Okay.

JASMEKA:

You can start now All right. In December.

SYLVESTER:

All right.

JASMEKA:

And then by your birthday you done put in so much that I don't know.

SYLVESTER:

Okay.

JASMEKA:

You're going to get a little more.

SYLVESTER:

You think so?

JASMEKA:

I think so.

SYLVESTER:

Well, how it actually works, though that was cute. But how it actually works is there's acts of interest, acts of love. Right, the acts of love have to be um more consistent. Consistent acts of love in a relationship is what makes the compound interest. So that's basically me. I do an act of love, not just on occasion, not just on the you know what I'm saying, but I'm doing this consistently. What are some things that I could do to show you that I love you? What are some acts of love? Kindness, you know, love has a lot, a lot of Cook for me.

JASMEKA:

Heat up my towel. It's a lot of it's. You know, love has a lot. Cook for me. Heat up my towel. Get out of the shower.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, and what's crazy is, once I do that, then in return you do that.

JASMEKA:

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER:

And if we both are returning that interest with interest, then it compounds, it creates a whole nother level of value inside of our relationship because of it.

JASMEKA:

I hear you, but I think the people got to be interested in that person.

SYLVESTER:

Oh, definitely.

JASMEKA:

Are you truly and genuinely interested in that partner that you with? Because I don't think they could do it if they're not interested. If I really like you, I'm going to show you that I like you. I'm going to show up, I'm going to answer calls, I'm going to reply, I'm going to give gifts. But if I'm not interested, I am. You're right, I ain't.

SYLVESTER:

You right.

JASMEKA:

I'm doing nothing.

SYLVESTER:

And that right there is, see, without the regular compounding acts. Then that's when you get in a relationship and you starting to feel like it's stagnant, you feeling like you ain't being fulfilled inside this relationship and you wondering why. It's because the interest is not adding up fast enough, like it ain't enough acts of love being done.

SYLVESTER:

Um, we recently did something we did and I think we recently, uh did what we call a love challenge, where we uh, basically, we do acts of love towards each other and we keep scope. We keep scope Because, you know, the Bible says that love keeps no record of wrongdoings and I ain't no Bible scholar or nothing. But that sounds good to me, right? Because if you love me, you ain't trying to be tallying every time I did something wrong or made a mistake. But, on the contrary, if love don't tally what's wrong, then love God, it must be tally what's right then. So that's what we do If I love you, I'm going to keep a score of what you're doing, right, I'm going to keep score of the rights, of the good things, and so, as we challenge each other to do acts of love for each other, it's like see my girl, she real competitive.

JASMEKA:

So I'm like let me get up and make some eggs for a point.

SYLVESTER:

And what's crazy is see what people lose out on a lot of people that deal in the simple interest. They lose out on it because on the value, on gaining value in their relationship, because you thinking it got to be some grand gesture, you thinking it got to be. You know the big things that you do, the big gifts, the big um, uh, you know just big. Everything, everything gotta be big. You know what I'm saying Big trips, big. You know what I'm saying. And that ain't gotta be, because how often can you do that? So that's that. That that's like you're missing a lot of space in between where interest could have been growing. It's like let's appreciate them, little, small things, all that count.

JASMEKA:

And I think when it's small you can be more consistent. Definitely Like, say, if we were only keeping track of when you financially did something for me, Our finances, we'll be like, hey, we on a strict budget, or next month it may be a little more free, but if I'm only keeping track of when you're giving me gifts, I'll be. I won't see it.

SYLVESTER:

No, definitely.

JASMEKA:

It's other ways that you can do it, and just by doing it small again, you can be more consistent. Heat up their tea, heat up their towel, cook an egg before they make it to work, like whatever you can. So I'm competitive in a good way. I I'm not complete because the winner can't, but, um, yeah, when I see that he in the lead, oh I I'm thinking of something I could do. But it just keep us showing each other love and appreciation, that we're interested in one another.

SYLVESTER:

And we definitely going to put a prize on it. We definitely going to put a prize on it. Yeah. So what does it look like, though? Compound interest? You know it's when partners are consistently investing time, energy, love and resources into that relationship.

JASMEKA:

For example, you got what I think this works for healthy couples, though you know, your girl, I like to throw stuff in and take it another way.

SYLVESTER:

What you mean.

JASMEKA:

You can't compound on a negative account.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, you can. No no, no. Only the opposite will happen, though.

JASMEKA:

Oh, I was about to say if I got a negative $5 in my account, the place ain't giving me nothing Exactly, so let me explain that too.

SYLVESTER:

So that's the thing about compound interest. It works both ways, and the type of account, though, that usually works with compound interest is an investment account.

JASMEKA:

You got to be in agreement.

SYLVESTER:

And you got to be willing to invest in your relationship for that interest to compound. That's what you're doing. You're investing in your relationship. When you compound, when you're doing these acts of love, it's because only investment accounts typically have compound interest. Simple interest, that's more so for. Watch this, what kind of account that's more so for? Watch this, what kind of account that's more so for? For loans, meaning debt, so your mortgage, they're not going to put compound interest on that. You understand what I'm saying. It's a debt. And so when you are dealing in single interest, doing acts of kindness and acts of love in your relationship, every so often, and only on occasion, you're liable to be in debt because it's not adding up fast enough. Right, and you're treating your relationship as if it's a debt is what you're doing now on the other side of that. Compound interest in the negative also works that way too now they could build it up.

JASMEKA:

though, bae, like I'm just saying, let's first start. Let's first say our episode that we're talking about today, saying hey, show your partner that you're interested, do these small outings, take them out, whatever. That's great if we're good, but if we ain't good and we in a negative, we got to start. Like you say yeah, it is still compound, but negatively no, you can work it up so that you can start. Yeah, you got to work it up out of the negative yeah so I just wanted to point it out.

SYLVESTER:

The approach we're taking right now is, if we good not, you're not in the red, you ain't in a red, okay, okay we can do those daily things, have the love challenges, but if they're in a red they gotta first come up out of that whether that's counseling, whether there's communication, like whatever that is, they gotta come out of the red in order for that account to to grow yeah, because you gotta have something to invest.

SYLVESTER:

That mean you ain't got no principle right. Compound interest is principle plus interest. That mean you don't even got no money to put in them for it to even gain interest. So, yes, you have to get out of the red and have something to invest before you can invest, before it can compound. So you're right about that and negative acts inside a relationship will compound in a negative way. They will compound and continue to go into the negative faster. If you're consistent with how negative you are, the negative things that you guys are doing in your relationship, if that's consistent, then you will fly very fast.

JASMEKA:

So hopefully me and you don't build up our account, compound it largely and then just feel like we good, so we stop doing it because guess what's going to happen? We're depleting that account. That's like you saved up all this money and you keep going in and making withdrawals, making withdrawals, making withdrawals and you're never depositing back into it. So I hope at no point do me and you ever feel like we arrived and our account is good. Who was the richest man? What's his name? Come on now? No, elon Musk. They up there too, but they continuously invest. You gotta don't feel like because we on on year 15, we're good. No, we got to continue to invest, whether that's date night, small gestures, small things like, continue to do it. Don't never feel like your account arrived. I don't care if it's a million dollars in there, that million ain't going to be nothing in the next five years.

JASMEKA:

a million dollars in there, that million ain't going to be nothing in the next five years. So that's my point of I pray me and you never make it to a place where we feel like our account has arrived because it ain't going to be worth nothing in a couple of years. So, continue to make the deposits. Just because we married, or you got the ring, or she said I do, or she said I will marry you but ain't do it yet, that don't mean we good. No, you got to keep building, keep working. True.

SYLVESTER:

Real life. Real life pay I mean with compound interest. It can be a very powerful thing and, like you say, if you're investing you have to keep investing. But when you do that challenge, the great thing about the challenge love challenge is that once you do something for a certain period of time I forgot what a period of time is it becomes habit. 21 days it becomes a habit, right. So let's challenge ourselves to create a new habit which is acts of love. However that come. You know what I'm saying. However it come, it can be this. It can be that we ain't got to say exactly what it is, but you know what it is that would make your person smile, that would make them feel good, that would be helpful for them. If not, look up the five love languages and you can start from there. You know what I'm saying. There's a lot of different ways that you can show that.

JASMEKA:

And you can't be selfish. If you're a selfish person, this compound interest in a relationship would not work for you because, you're not going to give.

JASMEKA:

This is about giving. In order for that account to grow, you had to give something, you had to sacrifice something. Whether it was I stopped my $5 lattes, you had to stop something in order for that account to grow. So if you're selfish, I recommend you do some self-evaluation. Like what's my beliefs around this? Why am I struggling with this? Like what's my beliefs around this? Why am I struggling with this?

SYLVESTER:

like what's up? What am I? What am I willing to give up so that I can be able to give more of those acts of love to my partner? What am I? What am I willing to give up? It's gonna be something.

JASMEKA:

It's gonna cost you something for some guys it might be pride like I ain't gotta do all that like she she gotta do that okay, and for some women it might be pride it can be, but I'm just.

SYLVESTER:

I'm just saying, I'm just saying talk about the man you know, but yeah, check in on that selfishness man.

JASMEKA:

Is it fear of? He may leave me, she may leave me? That's a dangerous place to be in a relationship like what's up.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

Or is it entitlement? You feel like you ain't got to do nothing because this is your person. It can easily be somebody else's person Getting complacent right.

SYLVESTER:

So, with compound interest, each action builds on the previous one, so it's creating a deeper trust, love and connection with your partner. Each action builds on the last one, it just builds up and builds up Like dang. Oh, that's what you're going to do for me.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, your girl. He had to work on Thanksgiving. Oh, I'm going to show you. Let me tell y'all how it got me a point recently. He had to work on Thanksgiving. I'm like, hey, what time you go to lunch 4.30. I'm like, all right, bet Pulled up with a Thanksgiving plate on your boy, your girl got a point, she got it she got a point I left, I left. Take him a plate. Then I went back to the house and ate, but I got a point that day.

SYLVESTER:

Y'all Definitely got a point I gave up something.

JASMEKA:

I gave up something.

SYLVESTER:

Definitely what you gave up. I could've ate. I was hungry. She could've slid up on your boy and bought that plate I could've ate, that's what I'm talking about. That's the baby right there. That's the baby.

JASMEKA:

But yeah, man, our hope is that, because people be like how are y'all still so happy, like, how are y'all friends? Like, don't get me wrong, we have our moments in our days where it's like ooh, babe, give me 10 minutes, or sometimes it may be, give me two hours. I ain't feeling you right now. But we always find our way back. But really and truly, like we give to each other, everything is centered around us.

SYLVESTER:

Like not.

JASMEKA:

We are centered around everything. It's centered around us.

SYLVESTER:

And then everything starts from you. We don't say it this plenty of times too. So when you're talking about being in the negative, to where I don't even have it to give, that means that I need to be working on me, because the principle starts here, that principle, the starting money to invest with, that comes out of me. So if I ain't working on me making sure that I'm not in the red, making sure that I'm not in the negative, patience-wise, making sure that I feel fulfilled and I'm not just depending on my partner for joy and to feel good about myself that's self-work. It's always a place for self-work in this, and I feel like that's where the principle comes from, because, oh, I ain't got no money to invest.

SYLVESTER:

What you going to do, then that means you got to work a little harder, save up some little money so you'll be able to have something to invest in I mean to invest with. But if you ain't got nothing, then you can't get in the game, right? But he said you ain't got no skin in the game, you ain't got nothing to invest with. How do I get something to invest with? That's going to take for me to work harder, right, until the value, until I find some value, which usually would be money on the business side, but I find value in myself and I feel good about myself. Because if I don't feel good about me, I can't, I can't make you feel good about it. I can't give out of that. What am I giving out of?

JASMEKA:

So we got to communicate that though. Like, if I'm tired and I can't physically perform, mentally, be there, be there. I need to communicate that to you, that I need rest or I need to recover, because I can assume that you're just being selfish and you're sleeping because you're being lazy, but it's really no, this man is tired, but you're not communicating that. So you got to make sure you're communicating whatever. It is Like if you work 10 hour shifts and your girl like hey, it's Saturday, we go out, but you're really exhausted from that week. Just communicate that. Like, hey, you know, I've been working all week, I'm tired. Like, be vulnerable, be open, be honest, be transparent. Like we're human, we're imperfect. Like communicate it.

SYLVESTER:

Can't say it enough, man, gotta do them check-ins, man.

JASMEKA:

Check-in Gotta communicate.

SYLVESTER:

Checking in with your partner is actually one of those acts of love too. Just checking in what we looking like, how you feel about the time we've been spending together lately, how you feel about you know what I'm saying the gift that what's up, how you feel about it, how you feel about how I've been given, how you feel about I need to check in about that so I can see where you at and in that conversation you may tell me that. You know you're going to tell me, of course, what you feel about it, but then you also can relate to me how you're feeling at the time and why. That may have not been reciprocated as of yet. Right, been a little tired so I ain't been able to get to it yet, but I got you on my mind.

JASMEKA:

He got offended y'all. Let me tell y'all something. I bought some holiday flowers for the house.

SYLVESTER:

Oh Lord yeah.

JASMEKA:

It's for everybody. I was just like, ooh, these flowers look amazing. They're red and green. They got a little present on top. So I was like, all right, I'm going to pick up these flowers. So I was like, ooh, babe, I bought some flowers. You bought some flowers. Yeah, oh, I was about to buy some flowers. I'm like I bought it for the house, like for everybody. So I think there was a moment for him like oh okay, let me make sure to buy these flowers, because I ain't buying no flowers.

SYLVESTER:

Listen because I'm, I'm All right. I've been working all week. You know what I'm saying Been getting off like too late to really like go buy the stuff. Like it's been a little hectic. Been doing like some OT, like been grinding Now that right there also though, when I think about it.

JASMEKA:

I get points for doing OT.

SYLVESTER:

I get points for that how many points y'all think?

JASMEKA:

you're doing.

SYLVESTER:

How many points. I'm doing this for you, baby. So I get points for that now. But because I've been grinding hard y'all, I ain't been able to do the things that I've been, you know, really do those little subtle things that I could be doing Coming home late. You know what I'm saying. The schedule just ain't been tying me together with being able to get me some points in. So I'm thinking about my points. I got my points on my mind. I'm like, okay, I'm going to get some flowers, and then she come up to out and tell me how she done bought some flowers. I'm like, lord, come on now.

JASMEKA:

That's my point, but it was for the house.

SYLVESTER:

That's my point.

JASMEKA:

You get a point for OT.

SYLVESTER:

I get an OT, point you get an OT point. Put it right on there too.

JASMEKA:

Let me put it right now for you you be petty and be like I was supposed to get a point when we was on Zoom, but not Zoom. Look at me on work recording, but you ain't put it.

SYLVESTER:

No no, no, y'all. She ahead of me though, because she, you know, she may have more time than me, man, but we coming up, we coming up, baby, I love it, though I love the love challenge.

JASMEKA:

I encourage anybody in a committed relationship give it a try. All it is is a good deeds tracker. You know how you was in school. When you do something, that teacher give you a star or a marble and then you will see the other kids with all those stars and you just like, oh, I got to come up, it's just yeah. Like keep doing it, like don't leave them on the last good deed.

SYLVESTER:

So what I can add is just that, you know, start small, small. You know what I'm saying Start small, but stay consistent. Identify small, daily, daily actions. Text me that show your partner love and appreciation, little, small, little daily stuff, because if you make it too big, then that ain't something that you can continue to do. Let's make it very achievable so that it'll be easier to stay consistent. You know, I'm saying like our enemy is is is the lack of consistency, you know, and anything we do in procrastination in procrastination but like I could, I could give me my flowers next week but at the same time too.

SYLVESTER:

That was not procrastination, that was I'm just playing. No, I'm going to press it. Press no button on there.

JASMEKA:

Listen.

SYLVESTER:

So small gestures you know what I'm saying Little rubs on the back, you know. Small gestures, repeated over time, repeated, that's the key word. Y'all, not one time, not repeated. Let's stay consistent. I don't care if you only got one thing right now that you just keep doing. That's another point. Like, add me up, it ain't got to be different things. It's the consistency that's giving you the points, okay, and it's curating a whole, like a brand new culture within the relationship. You know what I'm saying? Because the culture for the relationship is supposed to be love.

JASMEKA:

Well, what if they never seen that in their homes?

SYLVESTER:

Well, that's why we start small. You've got to put forth that effort. Do you want it, first of all? And if you do, then you'll be willing to put forth the effort that you didn't see.

JASMEKA:

So how do they know? It's simple, but how do they know what their partner consider a good gesture? It's communication, of course, right, but I just feel like sometimes people do things and they feel like but I did this, I did this, I did this.

SYLVESTER:

But see, that's why I don't.

JASMEKA:

And the couple like, the partner like, but I didn't want that and I don't like that and I don't eat dead and I don't like to go there. So it's like their effort was just unseen, because it ain't what I mean all right, but I mean, like you said, communication, and that's all the bad because you feel like she want a bag but she ain't even a bad lady.

JASMEKA:

Or you took her to a fancy restaurant but she really don't even like to go out. She just like to sit in a bed and eat just small Like. I feel like communicating to your partner what do you want? And for women and men, stop looking at outside couples saying I need that and I want that just because they're doing that. Financially y'all probably not in trip season, but y'all might be in Netflix and chill, but his gesture was Netflix and chill and you feel like, because he ain't take you to Jamaica, it don't count Like Netflix and chill, count because financially you know that man can't take you where you want to go.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

So it's just, I don't know.

SYLVESTER:

Understanding it's understanding like love. Understanding is a component of love. Like, so, if you're not acting in understanding, then you ain't acting in love. Love begets love, so if I do something that you may not feel like is something that you Worthy, right, worthy, then that's you know. You're going to understand, though, and that's why I like this activity, because this activity is exercise.

SYLVESTER:

The point of it is not to do everything you love. The point of it is that we are cultivating a new way of dealing with each other. We're cultivating love inside of this, so, even if I didn't give you something that you felt like was, you know, grand, you still gonna accept it and appreciate that, because that's what we're cultivating, no matter how big, how small that gesture is. If I'm appreciating everything you do, then you're going to appreciate everything I do, and it's going to change the whole dynamic of the relationship. It's not about I don't like this, I don't like that. I'm learning that as we're doing the exercise, but the point of it is to be consistent with giving you understand what I'm saying. Like, how can I consistently give if you steady pushing stuff away, talking about what you don't like? Uh, not that one Wrong one. Uh, try again. It's like that.

SYLVESTER:

Ain't the point of this? We supposed to be exercising gratitude and love. The one who's giving is exercising his giving right. Hence I got my little Christmas sweater on. I felt like y'all in a giving mood.

JASMEKA:

You be looking at me while I be getting dressed.

SYLVESTER:

Giving mood y'all.

JASMEKA:

Cause you gonna try to throw on some green cause you saw me with my green.

SYLVESTER:

I was not trying to throw on nothing that you got on. She saw me with my green top Come on now.

JASMEKA:

Come on now.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, yeah. So I was in a festive mood, you know what I'm saying. I felt like it was fitting to wear something that was you know Christ, something that was you know Christmassy, because it's the season.

JASMEKA:

What if it's one-sided? Obey, what do you mean? Like the love challenge work, because both of us are doing it.

SYLVESTER:

And we accepted the challenge and we've accepted it.

JASMEKA:

But what if it's just one person that's constantly giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, and the other person is just receiving, receiving, receiving?

SYLVESTER:

What I mean is an imbalance. You know what we call that Toxic. Yeah, any imbalance is toxic.

JASMEKA:

Are you toxic or you're just a receiver you don't give?

SYLVESTER:

Right, I mean. Toxic is also the person who only gives and doesn't receive. Like you're toxic too. You add into that whole dynamic.

JASMEKA:

You buying them. You buying them in.

SYLVESTER:

You're enabling toxicity inside of your relationship. So definitely, like it's it's, it's both. We both have had to accept that challenge and say, okay, I'm with it, that's what we doing. We finna see who can out love each other. That's what we doing. Doing I'm in. And if you ain't up to that challenge, then you're not going to agree.

JASMEKA:

You got to really like the person to do it. That's like somebody you don't really. You love everybody, but you don't like certain personalities, right right, but it's like somebody coming up to me saying, hey, let's do this challenge together. I do this, you do that, and it's like you don't really like them, so you're lying, nah bruh.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, you know this-.

JASMEKA:

Do y'all really like the person y'all with?

SYLVESTER:

I hope so. I've been saying that this is for the lovers.

JASMEKA:

We are for healthy, committed relationships.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, I'm sure you can do it with anybody, you know, if you feel like y'all need to cultivate more love in your relationship your friend, whoever, right, but typically we talk about people who are together, right, but, um, typically we talk about people who are together, um, they don't figure, they want to commit to each other.

JASMEKA:

and even if y'all, whatever the dynamic is with your relationship, though, I feel like the love challenge works absolutely you gotta have an open communication because I can speak to a friendship um, one of my friends, and she's a faithful supportive of ours like she watch it or, you know, give critiques or whatever. But I noticed that I was the only one making phone calls for like maybe two or three weeks. So I was like, hey, friend, you ain't gonna hear from me again until you call me. And she was like what, what do you mean? I said I've been calling you. If I don't call you, I don't hear from you. So I said until you make that next call, then that's when you'll hear from me.

JASMEKA:

So she was like, oh no, I got to check. I got to check this. I've been calling you. She checked and it was true I was making all the calls but it was just a season of busyness for her. It wasn't intentional, it wasn't. I don't want to be your friend, but me bringing that to her attention. Like you ain't going to hear from me until you call me again, and it's just having those conversations. If you're the only one giving in a relationship, tell that person how you feel, or stop giving and see if that person still committed to you.

SYLVESTER:

And let me say also, too, that it don't have to be in a disgruntled way.

JASMEKA:

I don't even ask about it.

SYLVESTER:

When there's an imbalance in those dynamics, the person who notices it they're feeling a way.

SYLVESTER:

That's usually the one feeling, some type of way, and when they bring it and present it to the person, who don't even realize it, it could be disgruntled, it could be, you know, rah, rah, rah, and that could start more trouble than anything. The way that you deliver it, when it could have just been a conversation between friends and coming down to an understanding, it ends up an argument. Right, you know what I'm saying? And now the person is on a defense because you came on attack mode. So let's be careful how we even bring that up as well. I agree.

SYLVESTER:

Because if it's love there, then nobody don't want to hurt nobody. Right, we both want to understand it. Just bring it to me the right way. Hmm, really, hold on, let me check my call, uh, because you, are you tripping? Oh dang, you're right. All right, I'm a guy, I need to do better, and just as simple as that. We gotta be falling out and all of this here, but that's only when someone, when you, when you come in with all the rah, rah, rah, because you don't realize you've been holding this, holding it. Don't go on it. I keep on calling if I gotta call one more time.

JASMEKA:

It's like no, I just said for him you ain't gonna hear from me till you call me again. You know like what if you don't call me, I'm not calling you back, we just won't talk. Like you got to make the next call. But it was funny, we laughed about it. I forgot what I kept saying to her. She was like oh, you just going to keep doing it in my face, keep on.

JASMEKA:

But yeah, you got to be vulnerable in these relationships, man, and I think we got to be honest with ourselves. How am I mentally, emotionally, physically Something we just celebrated because we celebrate the small stuff and it could be anything we gonna celebrate it like we're gonna find a reason to keep growing. But we just celebrated this past weekend my growth, like he was like cheers to your growth, man, like just being a bigger person in some situations that I had to be in the week that passed, just things that happened, and we celebrated my growth. So Definitely.

JASMEKA:

Celebrate y'all growth.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, anyway. So we talked about starting small, especially if you've been, if you realize hey, I've been doing it with a simple interest way. You know every so often da-da-da why? Because I'm focused on doing it big so much that I'm skipping, I'm missing out on that compound. We talked about starting small. Also, you know, reinvesting in your partner, reinvesting when your partner feels loved and appreciated. Their happiness becomes a reinvestment into the relationship, creating a positive feedback loop. There's a loop that's created. There's a positive feedback loop that's created. You started when you begin to invest and reinvest into your relationship with these acts of love and appreciation.

JASMEKA:

I just think about it. I don't know why. I'm fine with that. You know how I'd be an angry person on a job. You'd be like bitch. You need something good.

SYLVESTER:

I don't know why that's when it's when that it been, it been compounded in the negative it's depleted it's been compounded. It's depleted.

JASMEKA:

It's I'm angry, I'm bitter, I don't want to be here. It's just yeah, you gave me a gift for my birthday, so what my mama did too, it's just bare minimum. But yeah, you gotta like the person to do it, you gotta believe in it, you gotta believe in that relationship when we reinvest and invest in stocks. We believe that company is gonna grow when you invest in your relationship. You believe that it's what it is like. We believe that this is what it is.

SYLVESTER:

And you got to believe in what you're investing in. I'm investing in something that's good this relationship, this person and you can't expect overnight growth. No, no, this is something that I'm investing in because compound interest grows over time. Okay, this ain't an overnight thing. It grows over time.

JASMEKA:

Mm-mm, because baby, baby I think I said it before in another episode first couple of years of this marriage my boy ain't give gifts. He understand math. Math wasn't math it wasn't life was life and life flowers.

SYLVESTER:

Birthday I mean he didn't get the math right he didn't do the simple I couldn't get the math right but he got it.

JASMEKA:

He got it y'all. Yes, man, I could have left the relationship prematurely and probably would have got it with somebody else, but your girl thought it out and just kept having those conversations like hey, this is an area that's really bothering me, we gotta do something about it. But, um, yeah, it don't, it don't happen overnight. Thanks for sticking in there, babe, area that's really bothering me, we got to do something about it.

SYLVESTER:

But yeah, it'll happen overnight. Thanks for sticking in there, babe. As you know, I'm a stick in there.

JASMEKA:

Final thought Please take these people to a final thought because it's like lately, the last five minutes of the episode. You've been getting a love you. I'll be normal, you're for the ghost. What's the final thought? Tell the people the final thought.

SYLVESTER:

Simple interest keeps your relationship alive, but compound interest makes it thrive.

JASMEKA:

Ooh.

SYLVESTER:

You like that? Yeah, yeah, let's invest daily and watch your love grow exponentially.

JASMEKA:

Can you cook dinner tonight? I need that daily and we out so look.

SYLVESTER:

I don't like that. Let me say right now let me say something. Let me say something. Let me say something pertain to this love challenge too. Let me tell you a unique thing about it too.

SYLVESTER:

It ain't something. It ain't about what the person asked you to do. If you have to ask me to do it, there ain't no point for me. Nope, you know what I'm saying. That's not a point if you had to ask me to do it, and that's also not an opportunity for you to get mad at your partner Talking about uh-uh, I had to ask you to do it. I'm taking away two points. I'm taking it because I had to ask you to. That ain't got nothing to do with it. You had to ask me to do something. You had to ask me. But the point only add up when you right we're talking about interests when you are interested enough to put your own mind and thought into what to invest in your partner. This act of kindness, this act of love, this act of appreciation, like I put that together To grab your feet and start rubbing it. I thought of that Ain't, nobody asked me. That's why I get a point for it. I'm conscious of the investment. I'm making.

JASMEKA:

Don't be out here trying to manipulate people. I'll give you a point if you take the dog's home.

SYLVESTER:

It ain't no bargain. We're not bargaining with the love child.

JASMEKA:

I'll give you a point if you pick up the cat.

SYLVESTER:

Nah, uh-uh, it ain't your point to give me. You add your own points up.

JASMEKA:

I'll give you a point if you're going to give me a frappuccino.

SYLVESTER:

Nah, if I go, do it on my own.

JASMEKA:

Then you get a point Holy, holy we out.

SYLVESTER:

We out Peace. We out, we out peace. Welcome to Relationships 101 podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.