Relationships101Podcast

Breaking Old Narratives: Love Beyond Financial Success

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 33

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What happens when self-sufficient women and high-value men navigate the intricate dance of relationships? Today, we're unlocking the secrets of these dynamics, exploring why confidence, ambition, and emotional intelligence are so alluring yet sometimes daunting. We challenge traditional ideas of financial success as the ultimate criteria for a partnership, proposing instead that true compatibility thrives on shared aspirations and mutual readiness. Our metaphor of clearing a seat in a car underscores the importance of making space for a partner and preparing for a genuine connection beyond superficial qualities.

As we continue our conversation, we confront the facade many wear while seeking love and how these masks can unintentionally create barriers. Established women may come off as unapproachable, not because they intend to, but due to societal pressures and old narratives of men as sole providers. We address the fatigue that comes with the notion of "building" a partner from scratch, advocating for aligning lifestyle goals and mutual drive in partnerships. Discover how a relationship built on vulnerability and emotional connections can foster personal growth, breaking away from the outdated norm that financial success defines value.

To all the newlyweds and those on the brink of marriage, we're here to support your journey to thriving marriages. By sharing these insights, we hope to inspire you and those around you to navigate relationship challenges with newfound wisdom. Don't keep this knowledge to yourself—spread the word, subscribe, and engage with us as we continue our mission to nurture healthy, fulfilling relationships. As we sign off, let's raise a slice of pizza to love, laughter, and lifelong partnerships. Peace!

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 podcast, your introduction to a healthy, committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, she is y'all Greening, nice, greening, greening, greening, greening, baby. Yes, High value.

JASMEKA:

What are we talking about today?

SYLVESTER:

Why do some women only date or seek to date high value men?

JASMEKA:

Why do some men hesitate to date competent women?

SYLVESTER:

I don't know.

JASMEKA:

We gonna dig into it though that's what we talking about today, y'all. We talking about why some men run from an established woman and why some women try to run too. We call them a high value man. That's a term that's thrown around loosely nowadays, but why wouldn't we run to establish a well-off or high value man?

SYLVESTER:

So when we say high value man, we're talking about confidence, we're talking about ambitious, emotionally intelligent, we're talking about financially stable. They heavy on that one heavy on the financially stable huh yeah, not the emotional intelligence. Right, right, right financial, okay, okay, and and leadership leader, um, when we talking about an established woman, we're more so talking about what successful, independent and self-sufficient. You know what I'm saying In a career standpoint and you know personal gold getter you know, what I'm saying Not a gold digger, but a personal gold getter.

SYLVESTER:

So she got hers together, and um why? Some of the issues I see with that, though. Can we dig into it?

JASMEKA:

How far are you trying to go?

SYLVESTER:

I'm just trying to say that you know, a lot of women who are independent have an issue working their way into being interdependent, which is the goal for any relationship Interdependence. So it's working your way from being relationship interdependence. So it's working your way from being independent to interdependence but you can't stay the same.

JASMEKA:

So are you trying to say that some men are afraid of established women because they're too independent?

SYLVESTER:

I think that some men can. I think that some men can. It could definitely be something that could kind of scare them a little bit. It could be challenging. It could be challenging.

JASMEKA:

Well, wouldn't you say that speaks to an insecurity in that man?

SYLVESTER:

Could be. Could be, or it could speak to the fact that he just can't see himself in the picture. It's like some women got so much going on to where it's hard for a man to see themselves in the picture.

SYLVESTER:

So, for example, Give me an example, you know how sometimes, like if you're already out but we plan on going somewhere, and you're like, yeah, I'll be there in five minutes to pick you up. Right, I'm getting dressed, I'm getting ready. Right, Be ready. Now Be ready. You heavy on the be ready, right, a lot of women heavy on the be ready. But when you get here and I get to the car, open the door, it's a bunch of stuff sitting there in the passenger seat.

JASMEKA:

I've been trying to make it there.

SYLVESTER:

It's a bunch of stuff sitting in a passenger seat, so it's kind of mixed messages there. You know what I'm saying. If you heavy on the, be ready. Heavy on the, I'm going to be out there. We got some plans. Right? You heavy on the, be'ma be out there.

JASMEKA:

We got some plans right, you heavy on to be ready on my my end. I'm over here getting ready, but what are you doing to prepare? So you're saying that. I'm just trying to relate it back to the topic. You're saying independent women aren't preparing a seat.

SYLVESTER:

They ain't preparing a space for the man, because I'd be heavy on that like hey, um, we did all this talking and planning and we both understand the goal and what we going and what we want. We agree on that. But when you get here, I don't see a place for me. And that was your job to prepare a place for me, because you the one already had it Like this is your life I'm entering in. You want somebody in? If you want a companion or you want somebody to ride shotgun, you're going to make sure there ain't nothing in the seat. You're going to prepare the place. That's what God did. He made the garden before he made the person.

JASMEKA:

So how can somebody show a relationship? In a car, of course I can just remove the stuff and show hey, you can come in and sit down. But in a relationship, if this person is forced to be independent because there's not nobody for them to depend on when it comes to their finances, what ways can they clear the seat for that man?

SYLVESTER:

Oh, I mean, that's the question right there how do you prepare? How do you? Because what a lot of men are running into is women who's saying that they want a man, but they're not preparing themselves. Like when I get there, you ain't ready for what you talking about. You want it's me. Should they stop paying.

JASMEKA:

Let everything be past due.

SYLVESTER:

So to me not at all, not at all. But okay, so my Angela right, people don't, I don't, don't, don't, don't, get on me now. I'm quote, quote, maya Wright, but I get it Along the lines of Give your version.

SYLVESTER:

Right, I'm going to give my version. That's what I'm going to do. Summarize I'm going to give my version. I ain't going to give my version. My version is I don't care how good you talk to me, and that do mean something. I don't care how good you smell. I don't care what you bought for me, right, or how fine you looking in that dress. What matters is, and what's going to stick with me, is how you made me feel. Right, you right. You know what I'm saying, and a man don't really feel like a man until I can identify that you actually want me in that space.

JASMEKA:

What I hear you saying is I like to sit in the seat of a woman who's probably looking for that person. They want to feel like they're needed. Yeah, definitely not the pass-through bill y'all that was just a joke. But okay, you are established, but in what areas can I assist you in? So that mean I guess the woman have to be vulnerable to show that no, I'm not perfect. I really do need a man. I just know how to work and pay bills. Emotionally. I'm who. I think a hug is necessary all right.

SYLVESTER:

Um, we kind of get it twisted right because so I don't really want to agree too fast. I think I disagree. I don't want to agree to agree too fast, to saying that a man want to feel needed, that's kind of. It's kind of generalizing.

SYLVESTER:

I want to dig a little deeper and I want, I want to give, I want to give a little deeper context on that he going deeper, y'all listen going d, I, b, yeah, so so what it actually is that a man, we need to know, not only that we're needed, but we need to know that you see the value in us, in your life, life. You see the value in us, so you see, so you value us as a part of your life, as a part of what you've already built, coming into something that's already, that already has value.

SYLVESTER:

Right, you're an established woman, you already got value right so if you're bringing me in, that mean that you must see value in me. But you gotta make me feel that way though I gotta communicate that it shouldn't be three months in six months, in a year, in.

SYLVESTER:

We've been talking.

SYLVESTER:

Obviously you see something in me, right, but for some reason I still don't know any of your issues. Like, I still don't know what things you must you might have to work on as a person, right, it's easier to tell me what I need to be working on, like maybe you good with you, know business and everything you good with you know, um, getting your books balanced and all that. Maybe I ain't good with all that, right, and maybe we've talked about that and I know that. So. But what I need to know from you is if you're being vulnerable with me. I can see it. You ain't even got to come out, because I understand and I respect a woman, for an established woman, for separating themselves from a needy woman, because we got some needy ones out there and I respect a woman who you know y'all going out of your way to make sure that y'all ain't pointing out as one of them. And I feel you Because you got some women who, as soon as you meet her, she already hitting you with all her issues, all her problems.

JASMEKA:

Like build you.

SYLVESTER:

We ain't even been talking for one day yet. As soon as I met you, you telling me, you venting, you spraying out all type of issues. So I already know you're going to need me for this. That third you know what I'm saying? We don't want that. It has to be a balance. But we also don't want a woman who make us feel like she don't need nothing from us, Because then where's my value? You know what?

JASMEKA:

I'm saying what can I bring to?

SYLVESTER:

the table. What can I do for you? That's what I'm looking for.

JASMEKA:

What can? I do for you, baby. So some of the reasons men avoid established women they feel their provider role is diminished when a woman is already independent and successful. It's like what can I do for her? Financially she's doing it all. Or maybe I'm not making enough to join with this lady and become one because she's making too much. It may be some intimidation or fear or insecurity. Established women oftentimes have high standards.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

So again they can intimidate somebody If you know your money here but her standards, here there's a gap.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

And in between that gap.

JASMEKA:

Some stuff need to happen. Um, some men interpret independence as a lack of emotional availability or need for a partner. The success of an established woman may unintentionally highlight a man's insecurity making, making him withdraw. So sometimes, as women, we can look at it like oh my gosh, it's so hard, I can't find a man. There's something wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?

JASMEKA:

It can possibly be something wrong with you too, but it can also be something's wrong with that guy. Maybe he's going through challenges and he's feeling inadequate and you just don't help the situation so he avoids you at all costs and run to the needy chick so he can feel like the superman he is. So you know, just, it's kind of summing up all that you spilled out because you poured out a man heart like where do we fit into this puzzle? You work, you pay your bills, you do this, you do that, you raise your kids, everything's set, but there's a big hole in that person that you don't see as a man. So there is definitely a sexual need, an emotional need, a physical need, a protection need, but it's just not communicated to you we just be one of them.

SYLVESTER:

It does a lot to just hear stuff. You know, it ain't even got to be something that I know I can do something about or that, excuse me, ain't even got to be something that you expect me to do something about. Right, you might have some baby daddy issues. I can't do nothing about that. But just to know that we both got some things right, that we we both got a lot of value that we bring in, but we also do got some things, both of us, that we need to be, you know that we can work on um, that makes it feel better, like I can relate better to you.

SYLVESTER:

You know I'm saying, and it tends to alienate people when you presenting yourself, you like, how long does the? What do you call the thing? When you first meet somebody and you put on this facade, how long does the facade last? Right, how long does it last? If it lasts too long, then now the person feeling, I'm feeling like, well, golly, like, what do I like? What can I do for you? Shoot, what do you give the person who has everything? What do you say? The quote what do you give a man? What do you give to a man, the man who has everything Right. It's hard, it's hard, so it's like dang, help, help me, help me, help you fill that void Right. I don't even know. First of all, I feel like vulnerability. You know, what I'm saying is a part of making that transition.

JASMEKA:

Can I also listen? I don't know the character of every established woman, but it was one I met in Atlanta, remember. I went up to her and I was like, hey, you have the modeling agency, whatever, whatever. And her attitude was just so I was like, oh, let me unfollow, block. What's the character of us established women out here?

JASMEKA:

What energy are we putting out? We may be shutting a man down before he even walk up, just off our nasty attitude because we feel like we got it all or we don't need nobody, and it's we crying at night because we want somebody. So it's put out like the bible say you got to be friendly to make friends. So, as an established woman, if you're looking for somebody, present yourself friendly, smile, be nice, be kind.

SYLVESTER:

Definitely Historically, in regards to seeking high value men, women have sought them out, you know, to be providers and protectors.

JASMEKA:

That's what our grandma taught us.

SYLVESTER:

Exactly To have kids. You know what I'm saying you don't want to have kids, if you can't it from from nobody that can't financially help you out. Um, um, it also, uh, for the portrayal of high value men and you know, in media, like we've seen in the movies, like you know, the dude, the suit on the tie, you know I'm saying he, he got it all together.

JASMEKA:

You know, I'm saying he got it all together.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and it looked good. So that's what a lot of women are going for, because it looks solid. Women still want something that's solid, something they ain't got to be guessing about. You know what I'm saying Security.

JASMEKA:

They do. They do got to guess about those relationships. Because if we judging it based off a movie, if you ask me half, because if we're judging it based off a movie, if you ask me half of the movies that we watched where the man was successful and well-off, what happened in those movies? Abuse, cheating, degrading.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

So we can't just be like oh, that's the perfect image, I want a six-figure man.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

Why don't you want it?

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, I'm just going down the list of things that you know um reasons why women would seek out high value men, um which, you know, I don't feel like they're wrong for it. Um women, uh, they seeking men who align with their career drive and their lifestyle goals.

JASMEKA:

Right, that should match yeah, it's like if I'm making six figures, why would I go date billy, who's making 20 000 a year?

SYLVESTER:

I hear you, but at the same time too come on, let's talk about it yeah, that might be, that might be an outlook on it, and it is for a lot of them, but I feel like that's just only one part of it. It's a a very narrow way to see it, because right now, the example you just gave me had to do with it had more so to do with salary, it had more so to do with how much the person makes. But even more so I feel like if you, instead of looking for how much the person makes, you should kind of be kind of trying to see and see if they can match your drive, if anything, because they may not be making right as much as you're making right now, but if they got a drive, it won't be long. They might even just need you to be able to just give them a little guidance as far as, but if they can match your drive, then y'all can go to the moon. You know what I'm saying? What?

JASMEKA:

if time is at play for this couple, Like I don't have time to build a man. I've done that in my past relationships where they came in at ground level and I tried to work to bring them up, but now I just don't have time to build a man.

SYLVESTER:

Well, some men feel the same I don't have time to build a woman and some women who, quote-unquote, feel like they're. There's a lot of qualities in a person, so what. You might be up here in regards to one side of that Excuse me, yeah, I pray for him to get over this cold. You might be up here in regards to salary wise you know what I'm saying or career wise, or things of that nature. But emotionally, but emotionally, physically, right, the pendulum starts to swing mentally, physically, emotionally, you know what I'm saying or career-wise, or things of that nature, but emotionally, but emotionally, physically, right, the pendulum starts to swing mentally, physically, emotionally. You know what I'm saying. You may be a little bit lower on that totem pole, whereas he may be higher on that Right and haven't met that the money side yet. So that means that if these two people meet, like I said, if their drives are the same, though, and their goals are the same, then that means that they actually will be able to make it work and add to each other, add value to each other. Now y'all gotta excuse us, right quick, because we ordered we uh ordered some pizza for the kids. I think it's the pizza, so I'm gonna stay on while my baby go ahead for the kids. What now?

SYLVESTER:

Um, so some other reasons why a woman would be seeking a upsy. You know what I'm saying? Sorry y'all, that's the dog I know we got. We got a dog, actually two of them, uh, and let's see, I'm trying to hold it together. So listen, uh, financial stability as a practical factor in building a family, I mean financially having somebody that's financially stable. You definitely want that, because your goals may be to build a family. You definitely you want to, you want to pick right. So don't doubt you, but I don't doubt you, but I don't, uh, I don't blame nobody for that this is real life um, I feel like it's real life.

SYLVESTER:

Uh, it's a learned behavior um past relationships with unreliable or unmotivated partners. Um, it could make a person like you said I don't, I don't had the trash before. So some women are like you know, I'm done with that, I'm done dating men like that and I want a different level. I want a different level of of of man to date, and that's perfectly fine, that's perfectly fine.

JASMEKA:

So my baby gotta shift the dog you know, yeah, so I'm saying yeah, so, yeah. So those are so.

SYLVESTER:

Those are some. I was reading some reasons why women seek high value men.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, I understand it. It's just like what are your non-negotiables? If salary is something that's big for you, don't get lost in losing out on a possibly good potential person like a good prospect, because financially they in a 50 000 range right, right six figure range like six figure range, it's.

JASMEKA:

It's kind of new let's be real yeah it's it's kind of new to our community yeah and it's, it's glorified over the internet like, oh, I've been making six figures in a day, six figures in a second, six figures in a month, right? So it's like, if that person ain't bringing it, you like I don't want it, but emotionally, physically, spiritually, that person can elevate you to make more than you make and elevate themselves to make more than they made it make. At that moment, right so just explore other things beyond finances. Men, don't run from women with finances. Yeah, we may.

SYLVESTER:

They may be financially set, but emotionally we need you, spiritually we need you and I think that's something too, that like because of the culture that we're in, because of how society has kind of like glorified and kind of warped some of these, some of these messages right now, is that a lot of women they really like feel like they got a problem.

SYLVESTER:

Uh, they got a problem admitting and saying those words out the mouth that I need a man. That don't mean you, one of these needy chicks, but it's still true. You may not need them for everything, like how somebody else might, sorry y'all, but you need them. You know what I'm saying, and it's okay, because until you can admit that, though, and become vulnerable with that truth, you'll continue to be as far away from actually getting that you know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

I need a man, I want a man. And what they say about drug addiction or whatever, or alcoholism like admitting that you have a problem is the first step to getting any help. So kind of just admitting it's like being a alcohol, but you can't admit that you actually have a problem. The problem is I ain't got a man. That's the problem. The problem is I ain't got a woman and I want one and I want a good one.

SYLVESTER:

I want to, I want, I want somebody with value. You got to be able to admit that. You can't be walking around here like, oh no, you know I'm saying I'm self-made, I'm talking to my fellas right now. You feel me can't be talking about screaming self-made and all of that. But yeah, you did all you could do. But it's another level to that. Absolutely just imagine if you was able to accomplish all that you have yourself as just you. Imagine what you could do with somebody that's like you. You know what I'm saying. So I think, embracing for men, embracing those not allowing insecurity to stop you from going after high value women.

JASMEKA:

High value. Women need to see men as an asset and just call it out for what it is. Financially he may be struggling, but emotionally he may be a king. Call out the king in him emotionally, which may make his finances change.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

So my question to women is are you capable to help somebody grow? Or you just want an established person because you don't have the faith, the drive, the heart, the compassion to help a brother up wow check in and see.

SYLVESTER:

That's what kind of what I mean by when I get to the car, where's my place?

JASMEKA:

like why you ain't clean the seat I'm gonna make sure your place is ready next time. Babe, I get the message, get the message.

SYLVESTER:

I'm saying no no, no, listen, A part of preparing. Because you asked the question like how do you prepare for your passenger? Right, you clean the seat off, make sure it's comfy, make sure it's clean where they get their feet, get stretched out where they right. Especially if you know how tall they is, then you know to let the seat back.

JASMEKA:

No, bae, they got to let that seat back by themselves when they get in the car. Listen, listen you got to make sure the area is clean, but adjusting the seat how it needs to be.

SYLVESTER:

Listen.

JASMEKA:

You got to do that when you get in you ain't got to.

SYLVESTER:

I know one thing If a man get in the car and he have to adjust his seat, no problem, because we expect that. Okay, his seat no problem because we expect that. Okay, but let him get in the car and don't have to adjust his seat. Oh, baby, I'll handle that for you. You know how much. You know how much a woman like that stand out in the man's mind, the man's heart or let him get in the car in a seat too far back.

JASMEKA:

Who been in his car? So just let the man adjust his seat.

SYLVESTER:

Clear the seat all right, it's an analogy, though it's just an analogy so and adjust it himself. It's just an analogy about preparing for somebody else. You know what I'm saying. So if you're gonna prepare for it, prepare for it. You gotta ask yourself do I have the skill set? You got the skill set to make whatever you're making high value woman. You got the skill set to make whatever you're making career wise, high value man. But do you have the skill set to accommodate a partner in a committed relationship? Because you might, like I think a lot of people. They psych themselves out Because becoming high value and being successful in careerwise and a lot of things in life, you would think that you're just the one and your confidence level is going to be up here, which it should be.

SYLVESTER:

I never feel like you should doubt yourself at all, but you got to be humble enough to learn something new, because you may have overlooked some areas that you just might not be good at. So don't think just because you're good at this that you're gonna be good at that. If you're asking for this, especially right, let's go after it with the same energy that you went after whatever that high value position you have, whatever that high uh, high value lifestyle that you're living, like, let's go after that, just like you went after that, like let's go after the man, let's go after the woman, just like that. It's gonna be some specific, specified skill set that you're gonna have to learn in order to attract this. You know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

You ain't just walking that job and become high value. You had to. It was a special skill set that you had to master to attract that. You know what I'm saying. So that's all I'm saying. What skill set do I need to attract the person? High value, low value, medium value, whatever that I'm looking for. That's it. Don't just ask for it like, what's your part?

JASMEKA:

we came heavy on established women yeah.

SYLVESTER:

I came at the men too. We came real heavy. But I came at the men about their insecurities.

JASMEKA:

But I'm gonna go a little bit more in the game not on the established women, though, the ones that just be looking for high value men only. What's your value? Do you know your worth? Are you wishing upon a well because you don't want to work? What's the motives? You just want something you can take from. You, just want to. I want a lavish lifestyle, but I don't want to work for it. Why are you seeking a high value man? What's your reason? What's your purpose? Because, like, I don't think it's right that you go and it'd be a one-way relationship. He's doing, he's giving, he's serving, he's paying all the bills and you just reaping benefits.

SYLVESTER:

So are we talking to?

JASMEKA:

we're talking to any woman, not an established woman, any woman that that just only look for high value men. What's your motives?

SYLVESTER:

Well, for that too. Okay, that's a great question, and I'm going to say the same for the fellas. If you're only looking for established woman, if you're only looking for established woman, why, how does that fit in? Do you have a plan for for established woman? Why, how does that fit in? Do you have a plan for this established woman? You know what I'm saying? How does she fit in to what you got Planned? And if not, then are you just? You just want one, you just want somebody with something you can take from.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, are you the needy one, sir fella ma'am, are you the needy one? Just what's the motives? What's the motives? Relationships are a two-way street. It's not just. It's not just get, get, get Like I'm all for if I'm established. I kind of want my man to be some type of established.

JASMEKA:

Like I ain't going to go too low, because I don't want to use all my resources to bring you up. I want to join at some level and we grow together, but if I'm on ground zero and I'm talking about I only date men that make this money it's like why.

SYLVESTER:

And what high quality skills do you have to add value to this person that you want, because obviously they're on a level that you want to be at. But are you just, do you just plan on getting to that level by hooking up with somebody that's on that level level, by hooking up with somebody that's on that level, or are you going to actually take the time, the personal time, to cultivate skill sets that will get you there yourself?

JASMEKA:

Yeah, look beyond wealth or status. Find deeper qualities such as character, kindness, emotional intelligence, spiritual walks, journey. Yes, do not let the shiny object be the dictator of the relationship, because lord knows, if I would have told sylvester I'm looking for a man with a whole lot of money 15 years ago, I would have lost out on a valuable asset. Financially. He was an employee. He was making what he made. Y'all know our story. Go back and listen to how it all got started, with that one piece of chicken in a car.

SYLVESTER:

Episode one. Episode one.

JASMEKA:

But I would have lost out on a high value man if I just looked at financially. So it's like come on now. High value, ain't it Thank?

SYLVESTER:

you, baby, thank you.

JASMEKA:

Now you from my island. Sometimes, but it's not just financial, it's other stuff to look at.

SYLVESTER:

It's other stuff. So I guess the real question is what qualities, right, do you see as valuable in a person? What qualities Because that's going to sound different from whoever you ask. Right Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

JASMEKA:

Drop it down in the chat, y'all. Yeah, drop it down. Drop it down in the comments.

SYLVESTER:

In a relationship, Drop it down in the chat, y'all. Yeah, drop it down. Drop it down in the comments. Let's talk about porn in a relationship. Drop it down in the comments. Ain't the chat yet until we start going live.

JASMEKA:

Drop it down now.

SYLVESTER:

Trying to get it to go live.

JASMEKA:

Drop it down, drop it down, drop it down, tell it to go live too.

SYLVESTER:

We might as well go live, because if you come in and knock on the door, world at 802 right, so you know what qualities truly matter to you in a person when you talk about getting in a relationship with them, and are you matching those qualities? Don't just look for something that you ain't giving yourself. Um, are you unintentionally limiting yourself yourself to by focusing on just what? Is it status or success? Are you unintentionally limiting yourself? Because, while you're looking at status or success, the exterior, this person, could be bringing a wealth of things to the table that you need, but you're going to miss out on because you're looking for somebody who has something that you already got.

SYLVESTER:

I'm just saying.

JASMEKA:

Drop the mic In the show. I didn't even think about it that way. Nah, nah. Are you looking Instead of looking for?

SYLVESTER:

somebody the show I didn't even think about it that way?

JASMEKA:

No, no, are you looking instead of looking for somebody with something you got, like you got the resources, you got the position, respectfully, but all that other stuff.

SYLVESTER:

You like it.

JASMEKA:

Lord, give the people the spirit of discernment to know he may not financially got it or she may financially have it. But I'm not gonna let my fears, my insecurities or my lack of faith in myself for women that it high value men.

JASMEKA:

We all are blessed, we all can do it. So it's like you lack it in yourself, that you got the potential to be high value, so you try to marry into it instead of working for it. So, either way you look at it, women chasing men of high women, men running away from women that's high value? It all boils down to the same thing Insecurities, fears, concern, placement.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, and a lot of people. I asked and had this conversation with right people. I asked and had this conversation with right A common thread to a conversation about, like you know, people, single people, who are looking for somebody as soon as I asked them. So so what are you, what are you looking for? Most of them don't know, which means that you're just that much farther away from finding it. If you don't even know what it is, you even took the time out to assess. What is it? Do I want? And that's basically asking that same question is what do I value? What values do I want to actually see in a person and be you know, if I'm going to be in a relationship with them, what values, what qualities do I value in a person I don't even know? I'm just out here winging it. We just out here, just dating, just just taking them as they come and hoping that we turn up with a good one.

JASMEKA:

That's why what's a good one?

SYLVESTER:

based on how you feeling in that moment, right if you don't know what you want let's define those values okay, and let's let's look past the status and all of that, because you can get with a, with somebody who's status and financially up here and something could happen overnight and and and and character wise, loyalty wise. They down here with and uh, his character, his loyalty, his respect, like is that important to you right?

SYLVESTER:

most of y'all say yeah yeah, that's important to me too. I ain't just about the money cool, well, let's act like it. So, if they up here with the money, that's what you want up here. But the character, I mean, we got to start taking some of these other things like character, like, like like principles. We got to start taking these things into account and you got to average that out. You got to average it out. Everything ain't going to be up here. So, ok, I want somebody that is, you know, financially up here, but you don't want somebody that's way down here when it comes to morals and character. You know what I'm saying. So then you have to average it out, which means that you may not end up with somebody that's where you wanted at financially, but they might be a little lower. But then the other qualities line up you know what I'm saying, like that new tape I got.

SYLVESTER:

It line up, you feel me it line up and that's what you want. Balance, balance. So anyway, we done. Had fun, man, talking to y'all. We appreciate everybody who tune in and who get these nuggets and go eat up. You know what I'm saying. Hopefully you know. It's something that you're able to apply to your life and it makes a difference, because that's what we're here for y'all share it.

JASMEKA:

Share with your families, your friends, you, you know somebody single day in confused or standards a little too low, too high like they out there. Go on and share it like comment subscribe. We hit it, it was on one accord. Be sure to do those things y'all. That's it for me. Well, that's it for me then that's it for you.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah Well, that's it for me. I'm about to eat some pizza.

JASMEKA:

We out.

SYLVESTER:

Peace, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.