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MERGERS AND MARRIAGE: How To Bring It Together And Make It Work

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 30

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Ever wondered how personal relationships share striking similarities with business mergers? Join us on the Relationships 101 Podcast, where we unravel the fascinating parallels between these two worlds. We'll guide you through the due diligence of dating, offering insights into how asking the right questions can reveal compatibility and alignment, much like a savvy business negotiation. Learn how mentorship and having clear relationship goals can help you blend histories, families, and personal aspirations into a harmonious partnership.

Understanding culture and values is crucial in both organizational and personal realms. This episode features a compelling story of a nonprofit's merger journey and how it highlights the importance of cultural compatibility. Similarly, we dive into personal dynamics, focusing on parenting styles, financial management, and family interactions as key indicators of relationship success. You'll discover alternative ways to navigate these challenges and build trust, ensuring that your relationship finds its common ground.

Boundaries and non-negotiables, whether in romantic partnerships or business ventures, are essential for maintaining harmony. We discuss how to respect cultural and spiritual differences, navigate holiday traditions, and consider merging assets with caution. From prenuptial agreements to setting future goals, we emphasize the importance of transparency and communication for long-term success. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that promises to equip you with the tools needed for both personal and professional growth.

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 podcast, your introduction to a healthy, committed relationship. I'm your host, sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host. JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, she is y'all, Especially with the little green dress on.

JASMEKA:

I should have covered up. Where is my jacket?

SYLVESTER:

What you talking about I need a jacket. No, you don't.

JASMEKA:

We here for the people today. We here for the people. We here for the people.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying. So when two businesses merge together, there's a lot going on. It's a lot of work that goes into bringing two existing systems together and making them one. And, in the same way, when two individuals that already got a lot going on the history, family right already going on, you got goals that you've already accomplished, you got a lot going on. Now it's already existing and you've already achieved a lot, but y'all bringing that together blended families and a lot of other things right that you're trying to bring together, merge it together and make it work. It's a lot that goes into that. So that's what we're going to talk about today.

JASMEKA:

Let's talk about it. Let's talk about even we. In a time where people are buying businesses Like they going on that website and they're looking at established businesses and they are buying it so we could apply that to relationships too, like when you you ain't buy me, but you kind of like won me over, but when you did your whatever, your due diligence, you bought me over. But I came already with my history from a prior relationship. So yeah, let's get into it. How can we successfully merge two individuals, like you say, that's already established and got out. Sometimes we don't be established, but we got some stuff.

SYLVESTER:

I mean we can call it established. It's definitely something enough done happened from the past to where hey it's there, you know what I'm saying, ain't nothing you can change about it. I feel like getting into that type of thing. Dating is very important, because when you start that, what do we call that? Getting into that type of thing? Dating is very important, okay, because when you start that, what do we call that Due?

JASMEKA:

diligence, the due diligence part. I think. Before that, though, mentorship coming to play For us, we didn't do anything like when we started with it wasn't a business, but kind of it. It was already established. When we purchased our first investment property, we got a mentor. So I think, before you even do the due diligence, you should have something that you say this is a successful relationship, or this what it should look like, this what it should be, just the idea, because if you run in numbers and you looking at the financials of this business and you see that hey, it looked good, but you don't really understand it, so I think the first step is your mentor or whoever you look up to, to say this is what my relationship should be.

SYLVESTER:

Or some type of model some type of something you're modeling it, after saying that this is what I'm looking for the end goal to look like, okay, all right. And then, in doing that, what does that make it a little easier, or what? How do you feel that that adds to?

JASMEKA:

I feel like it equip you like, um, just having somebody that you can go to and be like. I'm thinking about I ain't going to say by you kind of sound like, but I'm thinking about yeah, I'm thinking about merging with this person.

JASMEKA:

This is what he got, this is what he do, this is what he bring to the table. This is his personality, this is his belief. What do you feel about this? Like the Bible tell us, is safety in. What do you feel about this? Like the Bible tell us, it's safety in a council, you know, in a council of wise people. So I feel like if you bring it to somebody that honors marriage, I think they can look at it and be like, oh, it might be pretty good or it might be bad.

JASMEKA:

So you don't ever bring it to nobody and you just make the investment and buy the business and you're trying to sell it next year.

SYLVESTER:

Right, right In that due diligence part, I feel like those questions too. So dating and getting those hard questions answered that you may not want to ask somebody, I agree. Now we talked about this before on another episode about how every question ain't for every time. Let's be wise about it. You got some first date questions that are appropriate, breaking the ice. Then you got some second date and some third date questions that get a little you know more in depth for you to learn about this person. But let's not forget that this stage is about. This is your research stage. This is what they call it courting, right? So I mean, just like a court, do you? Really you got to put them on trial? Like you really got to put people on trial when it's time to date, because you're gathering evidence, you're gathering information to see if it's a perfect, if it's a good fit for what you're looking for and, like you say, you got to know what you're looking for.

JASMEKA:

When you say like, ask a set of like, certain questions in certain phases of the relationship. It reminds me of how, when people are going out to buy a business or buy something, it's a first, like you're not running all the comps or running all the numbers on something, you're just doing a quick to see if it needed. So it's like quickly, in the first day, okay, he loved God, he's a believer. But then on the second date you're diving more into it, so you're just running quickly, whatever your first date is how many kids you got.

JASMEKA:

Are you trying to be married? Do you want more children? That be your first step to see if this is something I want to move further into. So just tying it into business, because I know that's what we love to do.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, I mean with business. You definitely should be running straight to the financials when it comes to that business you know, what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

What's the history of wins and losses that the company took? What's the financial? How much debt is the company in that? I'm stepping in right now Because I'm merging my company with yours. I'm'm gonna have to take on your debt right and responsibility right. So you're you're now your debt to us is my debt to you. Know I'm saying so. Now I need to know, I need to see them numbers and see if that's a load I'm able to take on you know I'm saying in the same way with relationship.

SYLVESTER:

That's a question. You know what I'm saying. It may not be the first question, but it's definitely a question that need to be had, I mean, need to be asked um, and we talking about existing businesses like, or we talking about, um, existing situations, like people who have already established some things, and then they coming in to merge on what they already established. Now you're talking about two people. You know they. Y'all got history, y'all got some wins and some losses of your own, um, meaning you may have already been married, you may have some kids already. You know what I'm saying. So you've learned some things from previous situations that you've been in already, and one of the things I hope that we've learned from previous situations is not to hold our tongue when it comes to gathering this information, because this could save you a whole lot of years and a whole lot of time.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying by just taking a few seconds to ask a hard question, and I would rather you ask them hard. Take them a few seconds to ask a hard question, and I would rather you ask them hard. Take them a few seconds to ask a hard question than to waste years in a situation where you should have just known already by asking the questions, like you would have found out. So have them. Hard conversations, man. Let your pride to the side. Forget about what he might think about you if you ask him that type of question, or what she might think of you if you ask that type of question. If y'all on the same page, man, if that's the person, they'll understand you know what I'm saying or at least they'll seek some understanding, and they might ask you a follow up question like so why you made you ask me that? And you can explain to them just how real it is, because hopefully it's real to them too what you saying, that I was.

JASMEKA:

You pointed out pride. I also wanted to add on rejection, like I think people fear being rejected. Like when you're purchasing a business or something, you might don't ask the hard questions because you don't want your, your, you know your deal or whatever. You don't want to ask the hard questions because you don't want them to turn away from the deal, because you want it so badly. So I think people reject asking tough questions too, because it's like what if this man run away from me Because of my questions that I'm asking, so it? And I just feel like if he rejects you all stuff that's important to you, you probably you probably do need to be rejected.

JASMEKA:

We live in a time now where they say rejection is a form of protection. So maybe your tough questions is protecting you from something that will later happen down the line. So ask those questions. Ask those questions Because, like we said earlier, you are coming into history Like this person got their beliefs, they got their ways, they got their system, they got their family culture. So it's like, can I fit into this or can we mold it into something that looks totally different?

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, I like that what you say. Rejection is a form of protection, and I like to add to that and it's a form of direction. Right, it's going to redirect you. Like, take that, don't run from that, because that that's your indication. Let's keep it moving, right.

JASMEKA:

I remember my job. They were thinking about partnering with this other nonprofit and during the time of their due diligence period, the CEO from that company she came into all of our events, Like she was at the staff meet and the company parties, and I was like, why does this lady keep coming to the events? And he was like, oh, they're thinking about partnering. She's just trying to see like what's the culture, how we do, how we move, because she's passionate about her workers. That's already established there. So she wanted to make sure that, you know, the transition is smooth and it will.

JASMEKA:

I don't know what happened, but in that due diligence period, in the end they decided not right now, we're not going to merge. But it like it opened up my eyes that people just want to buy blindly or urge blindly. But it's like what are your beliefs, what do you stand for, what is your culture, what me partnering with you gonna do to better me because at the end of the day, that's what it's about the betterment of myself like how, what it's gonna do? So it's just a story no, definitely Good story.

SYLVESTER:

You definitely want to make sure that any potential red flags, you know you're not overlooking them. So let's, let's have that conversation, let's see Shoot, go, go to the, to the, to the family. Little functions with them.

SYLVESTER:

Oh yeah, go, get around them enough to see how they interact with their children. If they have children in there, you want to see what's their parenting style, like right, I mean, I hear what they tell you, but you also want to be able to see that for yourself. You don't want the first time you see that to be around your kids, like no, spend some time, like go, go, go, go in those, spend some time into those intimate spaces when, when companies are are merging, like they spend, they spend some intimate time together. Uh, you know, eating together, having drinks together, and they because they're trying to find a common bond, they're trying to, they're trying to find something common within the cultures.

SYLVESTER:

You're coming with two separate coach, two different cultures. We're trying to find something common within the cultures. You're coming with two separate cultures, two different cultures. We're trying to find something that we can kind of like connect on and something that's believable, that I can trust. That for one, if I got kids, that you're going to be good to my kids. You know what I'm saying. If you're, if I've achieved some things financially Right, I want to know that you're going to be responsible with that, because not only are we adopting each other's. Inheriting each other's debt, we're also inheriting each other's fortune.

JASMEKA:

Right.

SYLVESTER:

So that's a big thing Like how are you with your, with your money, with your finances? Are you good with it or are you not? And it also says a lot about, um, you know, if we move forward like, what roles, right, what roles? Who will be playing what roles if you ain't good with your finances? But, um, that ain't saying that you know there may not be a deal breaker, but it just means that we'll handle that.

SYLVESTER:

A lot of times when businesses they merge, one business may buy another business People might think that, oh, such and such this company, what this company out, this company, what this company out. A lot of times, that big company that buys that smaller company, they don't, they really keep the staff Right. A lot of times those big companies they'll buy a smaller company and keep all the staff, keep everything that has to do with the system of that company, because what they're really buying is the system. I see you got a system that actually works and I can see value in that. Right, you're good with finances, you're good with children, whatever it is right. And if I've been doing this by myself and that's something that's an asset I can see, it's an asset to add to me in my life, then yeah, I wanna go as an asset to add to me in my life. Then, yeah, I want to, I want to, I want to go ahead and connect with that and bring that on board to what I got going on.

JASMEKA:

So you was watching how I was parenting Jamarcus.

SYLVESTER:

Oh, definitely, definitely that was a big one. That was a big one. I knew I wanted to go out in life. Right, I knew I wanted a family. Um, I knew that was big for me. So to see how you handle you know what I'm saying your child, and that you was a great mother, like that was big. That was big. Some men might think that that's you know some men they don't do women who already got kids.

SYLVESTER:

I grew up with a single mother, so that ain't nothing to me. I was the kids. You know what I'm saying. I was a part of the kids who she had to. You know what I'm saying haul around and hope somebody gonna accept that part of her life. So I have I always had great understanding for that. That was never an issue for me. However, I feel like it's a benefit you know what I'm saying that you can actually see. Now you got a chance to actually look into the future and see how this woman will be with your children. You know what I'm saying. And, just like I said, go to get in those intimate spaces, see how that person interact with their children.

JASMEKA:

So you can know whether they're going to be good with yours. What if they're not allowed in those spaces? Because you know some couples when they're first starting out and they are dating, it's like I don't want them around my kids.

SYLVESTER:

Understandable.

JASMEKA:

So how can they? I guess you're just listening on the phone calls how they deal with the kids.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah. However, you can Really Yep, you definitely got. If that's the case, then yeah, you're limited to just listening to how they handle things on the phone and asking them questions too. You know what I'm saying. Ask them questions at opportune times about parenting. You can catch them while they're parenting and then be inquisitive about it and see if that's something that they're open about, because I know some things are. It's another thing too, right, when you're at that table negotiating the terms of the merger negotiating. You know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

Some things are negotiable, right. Here's a list of things that's negotiable right here. Go ahead, I'm willing to change any of that. We can work on that. Definitely. There's other lists over here. This, this ain't negotiable, these, right here, I ain't negotiating. I'm not willing to negotiate about this and um with some people. It's about their children and um, it could be a deal breaker. So it's important to have your, your non-negotiables in place as well as your negotiables, and let it be known call me selfish, but one of mine was I don't want, I'm not marrying nobody with children.

JASMEKA:

I just couldn't wrap my head around it. Listen, that's me, somebody else. Maybe Grace Ford got the heart for it. Call me selfish, maybe I was in that time, but that was just something for me. So when they buying business, maybe one of them is I would never do a daycare. Like I'm not purchasing daycares. I'll buy cleaners but I'm not doing daycares. Just know what your non-negotiables are Like. Now, if God come in and step in and be like you saying you gotta be tall, but I'm sitting in Johnny, who's five, six or six or five, seven, that's between you and God. But I'm just saying that was one of mine. Like I just don't want somebody that have children that was your thing that was my thing.

JASMEKA:

That was my thing. Everything else I felt like I could work around, I could work with, but the kids I love the kids. Now, don't get me wrong, it's the inappropriateness that be coming with the baby mama stuff and the drama and you want to pull up and you don't want to respect and I think with turning the other cheek that might don't come as easy. So I just was like you know, I don't want no parts, I don't want no parts.

JASMEKA:

So if that's a thing for y'all, uh, maybe you like kids and you open to it. And hey, have those conversations of how do you put boundaries in place where your children mothers they don't run our household, or your children's father do not run our household. Have those inappropriate well, not inappropriate, they're very appropriate, they're uncomfortable. Have those conversations because those are deal breakers, like it can mess up a unit just because sister, girl, a homeboy trying to run a household and got your spouse running around scared or doing stuff and saying stuff. That's just like, hey, why are you moving like that? But it's because that other person on the other side done, said something. So how, those conversations, ask those questions, determine what where the relationship is, is it over? Are they done with it?

SYLVESTER:

Right, yeah, yeah, definitely. And speaking of cultures, like we say, it's two different cultures coming together. When it comes to relationships like we talk in, like traditions that y'all might have already set in place, we talk in habits and personal histories. I feel like we got to find a middle ground when it comes to that.

JASMEKA:

Thankfully, we from the same background.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

So it's like you celebrate this, you celebrate that. Oh no, we had one thing by Christmas when you went through your. He went through a season, guys, where he did not want Christmas trees in the house. Yeah, and I was like huh, I did Like what? Like I think for two or three years we had to do a cross, not a Christmas tree. It was like, well, we're going to have something, so what are we compromising on? And I think we compromised on a cross.

JASMEKA:

We have we'll build a cross and we could bring the gifts to the cross with the gifts under it.

SYLVESTER:

It was a beautiful thing, but that.

JASMEKA:

but that one caught me by like cause. I think the first couple of years you was okay with a Christmas tree. Then I think you evolved or you I don't know what happened in that season, but we had to come back to the table like, hey, a Christmas tree, let's have a conversation. So now we can have a Christmas tree. I'm going to just say that Let me shut up. I talk myself out of a Christmas tree. I'm doing too much.

SYLVESTER:

But, yeah.

JASMEKA:

so it was easy for us because we both Black African-Americans, so we got the same holidays, the same belief, the same. We serve the same God. We believe in his son. So if you're merging with somebody from a different culture, different spiritual belief, you got to know like, hey, he Muslim, you Christian, or you Muslim, he Jewish, or whatever. Y'all got to have those uncomfortable conversations like who are we serving? Because a house divided cannot stand. Who is our God? Who are we going to believe in? And if y'all not changing y'all beliefs, I don't know what to tell. Y'all Just take over.

SYLVESTER:

I just feel like you know what says that you've done a successful job, and that I mean. What we're aiming at is to respect each other's backgrounds and get to a place where we can create a new culture amongst us.

JASMEKA:

You know what.

SYLVESTER:

I'm saying and that may include some stuff you know from your culture and some stuff from my culture we're creating something new here. So you know respect, let's create something new.

JASMEKA:

I'm going to Africa so we can create something new because, we got the same. We got the same stuff background yeah, the same background. So our families did the same stuff. Background yeah, the same background. Our families did the same thing and, yeah, we didn't get challenged in that area.

SYLVESTER:

Yes.

JASMEKA:

It wasn't. You know. You celebrate Hanukkah, I celebrate Christmas, it was Christmas. But I think we are starting something new in our own system, though, Because now we're at a place of why we hiding eggs for Easter, what they got to do with it.

SYLVESTER:

Oh, we come into a whole lot of different.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, so we like, we kind of kicking back stuff that we were taught and to our new system. Like we're changing it up. We're telling the kids, hey, it ain't no Halloween Like we celebrate Halloween. You, we're changing it up. We're telling the kids, hey, it ain't no Halloween, like we ain't celebrating Halloween. You know, halloween coming up. What you want to be, who you want to be In that day, act in that role. If kids around you are celebrating Halloween and they dressing up as this, who do you want to be? Be that person. You want to be a president. You want to be a doctor. You want to be a lawyer. You want to be a teacher. Want to be a CEO, want to be a builder. That's who you are in that day. So in our culture, we are creating something new, and when people buy businesses I know you said they do keep the same staff.

SYLVESTER:

They do but it'd be hard.

JASMEKA:

Sometimes and it'd be hard for the staff because of change, Like when new CEOs and new everybody coming in, new it'd be like it'd be kind of rocky, Like you got some people that quit. Like I'm not staying under this new partnership. I don't like the merge, I don't like this new company. I don't like the CEO.

SYLVESTER:

It could be a deal breaker for some people. That's in it with you, so you got to. You got to. You got to brace yourself for that Right with you. So you got to. You got to. You got to brace yourself for that Right.

SYLVESTER:

Another thing I want to bring up too is that make sure that we got to. We got to, we got to do our checks and balances right, making sure that that person is actually who it is they say they are. Don't just take the you know, because you may have acquired some things you know on your own as far as fortune, as far as you know good habits and things of that nature, and this person could you got some people out there who can really just put on like they, like they really own that. And unless you do checks and balances, man, I wouldn't say move forward, yet I would. I would definitely. Uh, because he might be in a Lambo but it might be a rental. Don't fall for that. Um, he, he might've been in a condo but it might not have been his like. You gotta get to a point. If you're not comfortable, like, like, if I'm not comfortable coming right out and saying that or asking that question or digging deep. Give me some time I mean, you got time.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, well, who ain't got? We got time. You shouldn't be rushing anyway. Um, give it a little time, put a little date on it, you know to yourself. And, uh, slowly dig into that question just to make sure that that's what that's really what it is.

SYLVESTER:

Um, before you go to talk about swapping, because some people act like they got it just so they can get what you got, even in business, you know what I'm saying. Like, that's like kind of like a political move where people would one company would act like they really don't need, they're not very needy when it comes to, to, to, to the merger, um, just to, so the other company can think that, um, you know, can feel comfortable sharing all of their resources with them, because it's not like I don't really need it. I'll show you all my cards because it doesn't seem like they've actually needed anyway, because a needy person is going to take Naturality. They do end up being needy and takey. You know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

They were looking for a place to stay the whole time and they were acting like they had the condo on the beach. But as soon as you get a word, watch how fast they're moving into your apartment or your house with you you know what I'm saying Ready to say that that's their new spot, like, ah, you just gave the condo up that fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, solely Whatever little cockamamie story. But you got to be careful. Let's be careful. Move slow. The mergers don't happen fast. It's a lot of background checks gotta go, gotta happen. You know what I'm saying. So that's do I do diligence.

JASMEKA:

Don't rush into it. You ain't missing out on nothing. Don't put the time clock away because, yeah, you probably be like oh, I'm 37. I need to be married before I'm 40. And then you marry at 37 and divorce by 40. No no no, Look into it. No, no, no, Dig into it Like don't ignore. I remember in one of our deals it wasn't a business we bought, but it's like a business. Real estate is like a business.

SYLVESTER:

It is.

JASMEKA:

The owner. We was asking for financials and he wanted to like dress it up real cute, like he wanted to send in this play play. Oh, this person get money. This person get money, but on the paper is looking like it don't look legit. So we asked for something else and based on that second thing, it was like this company ain't making no real money. So just because they tell you, like he said, just because they own that condo, investigate that condo. Man, this is an information error. Y'all know that's my favorite thing. Pull up that address.

SYLVESTER:

Just because they living in it.

JASMEKA:

Search that address, see who own it, call up a friend. Hey, you heard of so-and-so, look up that.

SYLVESTER:

Do what you got to do, man.

JASMEKA:

Do what you got to do. Y'all get what I'm saying Put your team on it.

JASMEKA:

Put in the work Because y'all, marriage is real, like when we sign our name on that contract, that governmental paper contract. It is real. It's, in effect, like he said his debt is my debt, them debt collectors, they gonna look for me. You, the wife of Sylvester Wilson, right? Nah, I ain't the wife. According to the papers, you are pay this debt. It's like do the work. Stop trying to get married quick, stop trying to rush the process. Answer the questions. Buy the right business. It's an investment. It can make you or break you. Definitely. Like us, being married 15 years, I think the both of us can probably say like we advanced one another, like we ain't pulled down, we ain't withhold, we ain't destroyed each other's life. We pulled each other up, and that's what buying a business should do. It should pull you up.

SYLVESTER:

And I will also say that you know, if you're after that merger, if you decide that that merger is going to happen and y'all do it right, even if it's blended families. If it's you know what I'm saying blended bank accounts, it right, even if it's blended families. If it's you know what I'm saying blended bank accounts, now right, let that be Like, let it just be that Don't agree to it, but you still kind of reneging on what this person has access to. It's like no, full access is full access, like we partners be partners. It's you don't. We're partners.

SYLVESTER:

You can't be looking at how much I just took out of what I'm spending. First of all, that's a conversation to be had. You should already know what I'm doing. I should already know what you're doing. When it comes to that, it's a lot of back and forth communication going on, making sure that we're transparent and clear, know what I'm saying and clear on everything before any move is being made. Anyway, whether it's money whether it's children.

SYLVESTER:

You got some people that merge in the responsibilities with the children, or I should say the authority, full authority ain't given to one of us, because I don't know, because this is my child and it's like we got to leave. We're together now. What you mean is your child.

SYLVESTER:

No what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours. Don't get with somebody who you do not trust fully with your child to raise them. Do not get with somebody who you don't trust fully with your money, your bank account right to make transactions. Don't do it, because otherwise why you holding back?

JASMEKA:

Your prenup community out there, like he's stupid, he's dumb. I don't agree. What? Yeah, you know, just the prenup world. Oh, you better get a prenup. It take you for what you got. Man, you don't want the prenup, I ain't want no prenup.

SYLVESTER:

I feel like get whatever. Whatever makes you, I mean, because guess what how? We say, man, love is a custom, it's custom made, so that don't make the love any less. That's something that y'all agree on.

JASMEKA:

It makes both of y'all happy granted, some people come into their relationships with massive amount of resources, money and all this stuff and you're trying to protect it respect but when you're signing a prenup to me, you're telling me this may not work.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, I don't feel like you're saying that.

JASMEKA:

I feel like you're saying Sign this divorce letter in advance. To me, that's what a prenup is.

SYLVESTER:

I don't see it that way.

JASMEKA:

You don't, I don't.

SYLVESTER:

I see it as we put insurance on everything of value. This is me putting insurance on something that I feel like is valuable.

JASMEKA:

No, the prenup is when I don't want this, when this relationship ends, you don't get my money. I'm putting insurance on myself. That's insurance, not this unit.

SYLVESTER:

That's insurance.

JASMEKA:

So you're prepared to let this fall, like you will be prepared that it's going to end To me. That's what a prenup is you are saying if this do not work out and I respect the stats change daily, but more recent it's 50-50. 50% it's going to work, 50% it ain't. So they signing that prenup for the 50% of it if it ain't, it don't work. For black people it's going to work. 50 it ain't, so they're signing that prenup for the 50 if it ain't.

SYLVESTER:

It don't work for black people. It's 75 percent I don't even think what so I'm trying to be very cautious. We don't have this conversation before man. When it comes to men and men because we can't. The fact that more of it, more marriages failed than what they do when they make it.

SYLVESTER:

I can't blame people for putting some insurance on what they actually work for, not saying they're not going to get in this marriage and work for it, matter of fact. That should speak, that should attest to their work ethic. They're going to come in this relationship and work to build something. But what I built before this relationship, if it doesn't work, I'm not going to allow that to tear what I built before this down. That's just what it is, what we build together. By all means, here go you. You know what I'm saying. Here go me. Like, whatever the case is, but just throwing all of that away when them numbers just don't look good like I can't blame people.

JASMEKA:

But why even marry? If you feel like this person ain't gonna go through with the whole process, like I gotta go hood, y'all ain't gonna go through, like, if you feel like this not gonna work, why even get married?

JASMEKA:

that's not saying that I feel like it don't work though just in case it don't work, right that I feel like it don't work, though, just in case it don't work, right Y'all. If y'all agree with prenups or not, just let us know in a comment. Me personally, that's a non-negotiable for me. We ain't got no prenup in place. Deaf, do us part. Wait you later trying to snatch one out on me, hold on.

SYLVESTER:

Nah, it's too late, but see, that's the thing, though we building together from the ground up. When you talking about something different like this, like merging two businesses existing businesses with existing profits and existing, contracts.

JASMEKA:

You're trying to say assets.

SYLVESTER:

Right. We both got existing assets already that we built ourselves and acquired ourselves. It just won't be smart to gamble that on love when it's so fickle. Now, if we just was coming into this thing together like we did and we building it from the ground up, that's the difference. But when you talk about merging, we ain't building it from the ground up, we ain't starting from scratch.

JASMEKA:

We merged, you got a history. I had a history. I came with a child, thankfully you see him. Listen, if people don't want the prenups, they not going to get a man with a prenup. I didn't want a man with children. I didn't get a man with children. So if there's a community of folks like myself who don't believe in prenups, then they ain't going to get a man with a prenups.

SYLVESTER:

We talking about a situation where a lot of assets have been gained by separate individuals.

JASMEKA:

Right Contracted places to protect.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying If you're somebody who has gained a considerable amount of assets on your own as well, you won't have a problem with somebody talking prenup, because you feel in the same way.

JASMEKA:

It's like yeah you feel like, whatever it's yours, it's yours, but I'm, you know I don't know what the Bible say on prenups, so I'm going to, I'm going to shut up on this Cause I like to reference any belief I have to what the Bible got in and then what it got to say. But just me personally, y'all, I don't believe in prenups, like I understand. Some people are out there with some heavy amount of assets, maybe because I'm a firm believer in what.

JASMEKA:

I didn't say. It's some people out there with a heavy amount of assets, so I I get it Like I guess they want to protect it, put contracts in place that this person don't come destroy, leave, because there's some people that's out there dating with intention to divorce. So I guess for that I don't know, y'all we got a lot of girls especially.

SYLVESTER:

This is the era of the gold diggers.

JASMEKA:

I ain't saying shit.

SYLVESTER:

So it's like you might think you found some love and it's like man listen, man, just like you attest my age scrap up.

SYLVESTER:

Wrap it up, my boy, protect yourself. Same way, man. The truth is parallel, so also unified visions and goals are very important when you're merging, whether it's in business or relationship. Right, when companies merge, they merge in order to, kind of like, pursue growth or they want to innovate. Maybe another company has something that they don't have that will make their company a little bit more dynamic, that will make their company a little bit more dynamic, add something to it.

SYLVESTER:

They meaning that they need a shared strategic vision for the future. That's companies I mean. In the same way, with relationships, partners need shared goals. They need shared goals and they need a shared vision, whether it's about finances, a shared vision when it comes to family, a shared vision when it comes to career and lifestyle what kind of lifestyle we're going to live. You know what I'm saying? Like, we need that A shared vision. It helps them, it'll help us, kind of like let us know that we're going in the same direction.

JASMEKA:

Absolutely, so to speak.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying. So how do you think shared visions play a part in merging?

JASMEKA:

It helps establish what our end goal is. So it's like, if you want to be this, I want to be that, we sharing it, I'm able to help you on your journey. You're able to help me on my journey so that we can maximize this Cause. At the end of the day, I feel like I just feel like we're joined for a greater purpose beyond ourselves.

SYLVESTER:

So, whatever it is, yeah, so, um, you know that's a conversation to have, like what are your? You know what? What is your individual goals? What's your individual? But some people don't even set goals. So it's like what do you feel like your purpose is Right. Some people just live on purpose as a far as they don't believe in setting goals. So it's like whatever that is and having that person operates. You want to know that, um, whatever that. Just like companies, like they discuss what their plan is and what their future goals and what their vision is for the next 5, 10, 20, 50, 100 years right Right.

SYLVESTER:

And these are two brands that are coming together. It has to make sense, right, it has to make sense.

JASMEKA:

Make it make sense. Make it make sense. Money sense Right right and make it make sense.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

Make sure you're successfully merging with somebody that fits.

SYLVESTER:

You sound like you're trying to end this right now.

JASMEKA:

I am.

SYLVESTER:

You can't end it. You gotta let me know that you. I don't know you ending it, because, guess what? I'm going to say something else. Say it. I just want to say that when you're doing after the merger is done, you want to continue to do check ins. You want to periodically check on that vision that you guys set together, making sure that it still works for the both of you. So things may have changed and it's like well, this part of the vision really ain't working for me, no more. We need to kind of like pivot. We need to do this. Sometimes some pitfalls might come right. You need to pivot. Some things need to change. You know what I'm saying. You may need to go from two cars to one car. You may need to buy an extra vehicle just for business. You may need to. You just don't know. So you want to periodically check in on each other when it comes to finances, family, everything, man, emotions. How's it going today? Is it well? We still on board. We still good? Is it still how it was when we started?

JASMEKA:

Nah we good, because when we get off of here y'all he finna sign a prenup. I'm just blank.

SYLVESTER:

When I get off of here I'm finna go eat some of this JoJo rice and some pig leaves and some good chicken and we out, y'all we out grace. Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.