Relationships101Podcast

WIRELESS LOVE: A Solid Network Builds A Strong Connection

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 26

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What if understanding the stages of a relationship could revolutionize your love life? In Relationships 101 Podcast, we explore how building a strong foundation in relationships by leveraging principles from wireless parenting can lead to a healthier, more stable partnership. We break down the journey into wired beginnings, unplugged, and wireless stages, discussing the importance of trust, honesty, and the key principles—direct, disciplined, and devote—that are essential at each stage. Through personal anecdotes, we illustrate how these concepts have played out in our own lives, offering valuable insights to help you strengthen your relationship's foundation.

Yelling and ineffective communication can stifle relationship growth, but what if there was a way to transform these challenges into opportunities for deeper connection? Our chapter on relationship challenges and communication devotion delves into the significance of effective communication and self-discipline. We share how setting boundaries and having difficult conversations can foster a healthier relationship. The discussion also touches on the often-overlooked aspects of devotion, such as integrating prayer and faith early on to strengthen your emotional and spiritual bond.

Imagine a relationship where trust and faith in each other's strengths allow for a more relaxed and confident partnership. In our mid-relationship growth phase chapter, we focus on engagement and solidifying commitment through meaningful, albeit less frequent, communication. We emphasize the importance of defined roles based on individual strengths and the crucial role of spiritual support. As we transition to the mature "wireless" stage, we highlight how prioritizing faith and mutual understanding can replace micromanagement with self-regulation, leading to a deeper, spiritual bond. Our final chapter underscores the necessity of investing in relationships to ensure their success, urging couples to invest time, resources, and even seek therapy to support their productivity and long-term goals. Join us for insights that can help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds thrive in married life.

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast, your introduction to a healthy committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, Lord.

JASMEKA:

Let's get into it.

SYLVESTER:

Let's get into it. Yeah, so last week y'all last episode if you Was With Us we went over the wireless parenting concept and it basically was a you know you going from a hands-on approach to parenting to a hands-free, more faith-led approach. So we decided to apply that also to grown-up relationships absolutely same concept, um same principles, right, and you know.

JASMEKA:

Discipline just look a little different.

SYLVESTER:

Discipline looks a little different.

JASMEKA:

I mean, I can't beat you.

SYLVESTER:

Exactly, and I ain't doing. No, I ain't doing, I ain't doing, no beating.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, Discipline look different, but you know it still needs to be there. It just looks a little different.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, I ain't doing no beating, but we're going to keep it. Pg. It's a little different. Yeah, I ain't doing no beating, but we're going to keep it. Pg Wire Okay. So we got three stages with this. You got wired beginnings right, that's the early relationship. Early on, y'all just met. You're either dating all the way up to your early commitment stage right, that's wired. Unplugged right, unplugging that's the mid-relationship where you're either in a committed relationship with this person or y'all done, got engaged, you done, did it Okay. Then you got your wireless the more mature relationship.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, that's where we at I. I'll be checking phones. I checked it in the early part.

SYLVESTER:

You see, and so that's a growth. It's growth Should be. That's the lifelong commitment and or marriage stage, all right. So I mean, because some of us we even married yet, right, but we've been together for a long time in a committed relationship and even then we still should have met this third stage of more faith.

JASMEKA:

Can we agree, though, that sometimes it's like our hope is that we can go from being wired to trusting you and letting this relationship thrive, goals, goals. But when something happens, can we agree that, hey, we might have to go back to that wired beginning?

SYLVESTER:

Well, that's actually how we started with our dating concept. Make America Date Again. Dating concept, or make America date again and dating more often, is because we realized that there was some prerequisites that we had skipped. And you know, I'm saying in our relationship that we need to go back and revisit. So, yeah, sometimes it calls to go back and revisit and about, you know, when violation happens in a relationship or any other unforeseen turbulence, it could be a loss of a job, it could be a loss of a life, it could be anything that shakes it up. It may cause for us to kind of do a little backpedal and revisit some things that we may need to go back to and just reaffirm.

JASMEKA:

You know what?

SYLVESTER:

I'm saying, strengthen that certain part of the relationship.

JASMEKA:

So yeah, and the only reason I asked you that question, because some people could, um, admire something that they see in a another relationship, like, let's say, they'd be like, hey, you need to trust me how jazz trust man. But it's like jazz and man is in a different spot than where we are, like we're in our beginning, where we're trying to set up and make this thing work, and they're in that wireless where time has shown and they built trust and they got this connection that they really ain't got to do the checking.

SYLVESTER:

Right, they got the bandwidth now.

JASMEKA:

Yeah. So I think it's important that, as we're going over these stages, you're honestly identifying where you are, not where you want to be. We all want to be on the wireless stage. We all want our partner to trust. When we're hanging with our girlfriends or when we on the phone with somebody, nothing ain't happening crazy. But we got to be honest with where we are and stop trying to rush the process, because if you move past that setting up that Internet connection too soon and we like to use tech terms because that's kind of the era that we in these kids child who I think they bypass me I be asking them how to work the TV sometimes. But my point is well, I said stop barking, we're going to get past it. My point is just be honest with where you are and don't rush your process. This is a process. If you skip that wire beginning and just let your guards down and now y'all on wireless and you don't understand how the violation took place and why it took place, you've been let go of building the trust and the foundation and that's how it was so easy to do so.

JASMEKA:

Um, yeah, we in wireless, thank god. Thank god, we ain't always been that old, because your girl used to check phones. Like, yeah, I checked some phones, but let's get into today's. I ain't the only one out there checking phones. Now, don't leave me out there, y'all come on yeah, you used to check phone.

JASMEKA:

I used to check phone. Oh, you were checking it too.

SYLVESTER:

You check it no, no, I just mean as far as the women go. You ain't the only one.

JASMEKA:

I checked the only one, but I was checking them so yeah um, well, we go into, uh, the same three principles.

SYLVESTER:

So those were the three stages wired beginnings, unplugging and wireless. Um, the three principles are the same, from what? Parenting, which is direct, disciplined and devote, all right, now they look different, right, there's different applications to these three principles in the different stages, and then there's also going to be a different application in regards to just the fact that we're dealing with relationship now as opposed to parenting. So tap in y'all, let's see what, what, what, what, what come up out of here now in stage one, why it begins. Uh, at this stage, your relationship network is still being set up, right, right, the connection is being tested and strengthened as you learn to navigate hey, when you said tested and strengthened, all I heard is I want you to rock the boat, rock the boat, that boat be rocking.

JASMEKA:

Work it in the work, the middle work. I think that's what it's saying.

SYLVESTER:

But we gotta work, change position, new, position, new. Sometimes you gotta, you gotta pivot, sometimes you gotta pivot right. So, perfect, perfect song, perfect, safe, okay. So, and because at the beginning, at this beginning, this is where you kind of like you're being very intentional about, for one, learning this person's strengths, the other person's strengths, their weaknesses, that's that's gonna come up. But I would say, focus more so on the strengths, because, well, the weaknesses too, um, because you got to know how to compliment this person Right. That's the goal. When we talk about goals, you may not be there right now, because we can start there, but then if you're attentive to what this person is actually coming with strengths and weaknesses, then you know how to actually maneuver, you learn how to what this thing say, navigate with them, and that, in, in essence, is kind of building the network between you two, right? Network meaning like what's the foundational principles that you guys are building in someone, right? Unlike parenting, instead of network, we call it in parenting, we call it the foundation.

JASMEKA:

Right.

SYLVESTER:

Right. So once you've let that child go, you gotta trust the foundation that you built it on. Once you grown to stage three, on wireless and relationship, you got to trust the network that you built the connection on, you understand so um that was good so, so, so what?

SYLVESTER:

where are we? Um, in the beginning. So it says that direction in the beginning. Uh, relationships are very wired. It's hands-on. I said that both partners are actively involved in learning. Yeah, definitely, uh, direct involvement is crucial as partners partners set up expectations, communicate frequently and establish the relationships, direction, which way we going, where are we going with this? You know what I'm saying. Stage one is all about. Are we going with this? You know what I'm saying? Stage one is all about where we going with it. That's why I'm trying to learn you and you trying to learn me, so that we can know how we're going to get there, what part I'm going to play in it, what part I'm going to trust you to play in it. You know what I'm saying? That trust ain't so much there yet because we still learning. What am I actually? I don't even know what to trust because I don't know what position you're going to play.

JASMEKA:

Right, right, and it's also crucial because you may see that this person, y'all going in total opposite directions. This ain't going to work.

SYLVESTER:

This is not it.

JASMEKA:

So you don't even jump to the next stage, because in that first stage, the direction that y'all both discover, we on two totally different paths. Right, right both discovered we on two totally different paths, right? So yeah, that's that's, that's that's crucial, definitely.

SYLVESTER:

What do you want out of life? Right, it's important for you to know what they want out of life and what their goal. But you know they need to know what your goals are so that you guys can dance together, see what you and sing. Matter of fact, make sure that you hit it in the right direction, like you say, and then let's see how we're gonna get there. What's your strengths? That way, I know what you coming with.

SYLVESTER:

How should I value you this in this relationship? Right, and because, because trust ain't just about Am I, can I trust this person to be alone and not cheat on me or talk to nobody else like that's one Segment of trust. But then you also got the type of trust that says that I trust you with your strengths and what position that you play in this relationship. The position that you play to get us to where we're going. Right, that we agreed upon where we're going. I trust that position with you and that you have what it take to get us there. You know what I'm saying, so I'm going to let you lead it now. You know what I'm saying, so I'm going to let you lead it now. You know what I'm saying. You're going to trust me and what I'm valued in and I'm going to lead. You're going to trust me to lead in that position. So that's just another layer of trust.

JASMEKA:

Okay, and we're going to jump into the discipline, because I said earlier you can't beat me, I can't beat me, I can't beat you. Like discipline, look different. It look different. You can't take my phone and be like I'm gonna hold your phone for a month, right, I don't know people out there doing it, but you can't take my phone, I can't take your phone, right? You can't put me in time out. I can't put you in time out, even though some people do put each other in time out.

JASMEKA:

They don't communicate, they don't talk, we, we beefing.

SYLVESTER:

So what does discipline look like in a committed relationship?

JASMEKA:

Well, let's refer to our notes. So discipline involves maintaining boundaries and learning how to navigate challenges together. Partners invest significant time in communicating, resolving conflict and building trust, so it's discussing those boundaries and it's properly communicating. Even though we do it the opposite way, Our discipline looks like we're not going to communicate, but it's not really.

SYLVESTER:

That's not the grown up type of discipline, and if y'all catch where we're going.

JASMEKA:

Discipline is more so self-discipline, like it's doing the hardest things. Communicating it's hard, nigga. That's a discipline like it is to communicate with you while mad.

SYLVESTER:

That takes some discipline like to communicate to you how, like what offended me or what boundary I feel like that was crossed. That takes some discipline, absolutely To communicate that in an effective way, because you can't assume that this person already know you know what I'm saying, like what your boundary is or how you wanted that to play out. It didn't play out the way you want it to and you can't explode we can't explode on each other about that. It needs to be communicated. A lot of discipline goes into that. Communicate it the right way to where it's effective and after this we can go to a higher place. I mean, we've grown from whatever mistake happened.

JASMEKA:

Right.

SYLVESTER:

As opposed to If we can't grow after we communicate, then that mean that we didn't communicate effectively. Basically, that mean that I was yelling at you, you was yelling at me, winning one ear out the other and we ain't learning nothing from it. You ain't learning nothing from it and we probably just decided to just leave the argument alone. But ain't nobody grow. So guess what? It's gonna happen again right, right.

JASMEKA:

So discipline look different y'all. It's that self-discipline we're talking about. It's some tough conversations that we're talking about. It's those boundaries that we're talking about, not the kid. If y'all didn't hear the last episode where we went into parenting and used the direct discipline and devote model, go on back one episode below and listen to it, because you'll get where we're headed. We thought let's, let's, let's, ease it in there, let's talk about how we could be great parents, and then slapping with the truth of hey, I know them, same principles apply to this marriage.

SYLVESTER:

So that that's what we thought, y'all so discipline is there so that we can learn how to navigate. It's. The more disciplined we are as adults in a committed relationship, the easier it would be for us to navigate those bumps in the road you know what I'm saying To navigate the tough parts together.

JASMEKA:

You know the next one we're going into devotion. I feel like that's the one everybody mastered.

SYLVESTER:

Really.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, well, let's go into it. Everybody mastered that one. Because they can easily touch, feel love, hug, kiss, because all the butterflies are there.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, well, let's go there first, let's introduce that first. That's the easy part.

JASMEKA:

That's why they get lost on all that other stuff we get lost in. I'm going to say we Lost in the sauce. You get lost because you're so heavily devoting your time, your energy, your effort. You ain't talking about them, boundaries. You ain't talking about them boundaries. You ain't saying what's the direction of this relationship. So this is relationships 101 podcast your introduction.

JASMEKA:

Let's take it back so we can decrease all the failed marriages, failed relationships, failed agreements. But yeah, so let's get into what. What everybody get it. I think they get an a plus in this area.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, so devotion. What does devotion look like in the beginning?

JASMEKA:

your girl got a. Uh, what I got? Grade me. What did I get in devotion in the beginning of our marriage? Be honest, because your girl wasn't an.

SYLVESTER:

A, I'd probably give you like a high C.

JASMEKA:

Your girl I was about a C D, like for real. He just he applying grace because he like, when I log off this thing I ain't got time to. So you thought I was a. Your girl was a C D. I was almost at a D, huh, thank, thank you for the up skull, but touching wasn't. I had to grow into that, I had to evolve but I don't even know what you're talking about devotion devotion.

SYLVESTER:

What is devotion in a committed relationship? Okay, devotion in this stage is hands-on, still on the first stage. So it's hands-on, very hands-on, still on the first stage, so it's hands-on, very hands-on. Y'all know how it was when we first got together. We was like bunny rabbits. Okay, we were like bunny rabbits, all right, and that's a part of devotion, that's a part of devotion Spending that time together, expressing love to one another and emotionally supporting one another. You know, we was there. You're fully plugged in, fully Plug me in. Plugged in a lot. We got four kids. We plugged in Building a strong emotional and spiritual bond as well. Prayer and faith enter the relationship in this stage.

JASMEKA:

Nah, I agree, I was a C plus y'all. Now she think about it.

SYLVESTER:

See, I agree, I was a C-plus y'all. Now she thinking about it, see, let me go through these notes.

JASMEKA:

First, I was a C-plus. I was a C-plus, I just failed in the area of expressing love?

SYLVESTER:

Maybe the emotional part? Yeah, yeah, the emotional support part. That was more so that.

JASMEKA:

But it ain't about us, it's about y'all.

SYLVESTER:

But you know, when we make mistakes, we want to warn y'all not to do the same. So that's why we're here, that's why we're trying to be, you know open, right?

JASMEKA:

I guess the part we can really harp on is the ending, where you said this is the part where prayer enters the relationship. Yeah, I think that's the part that we skip in it.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, now, don't forget, this is the dating stage, right, All the way up to early commitment. You know what I'm saying. We done been dating for a while. We feel like we done we going to call it official. You know what I'm saying. And't been dating for a while, we feel like we don't, we don't, we don't call it official. You know what I'm saying. And that's the early stages of calling it official, from the dating stage. Um, and this could also happen within that dating stage as well. You know I'm saying we're not, we're not, we're not saying that it can't right but, um, yeah, just what?

SYLVESTER:

uh, you know you start getting closer. Of course there's more. You know your rabbits, you're doing all of the physical stuff, but you're also getting locked in spiritually as to you know what, what? Oh, you want the same thing I want, and better yet. Whether you do or not, right? I love you so much that I'm going to pray for you and make sure that you are covered. You pray for me, right? I pray for you.

JASMEKA:

You pray for me right, I pray for you, you pray for me, you went too fast.

SYLVESTER:

We're all a part of God, the sun, so you know, we learn how to keep each other covered, because that's a part of that big goal, that long-term goal. So we start here, in this first stage, with devotion.

JASMEKA:

Right, it's important that prayer part carries you a long way.

SYLVESTER:

Definitely. It carries you a long way Definitely Expressing love, emotionally supporting one another. I mean, you know you fully plugged in. You fully plugged in building that bond and y'all getting closer together. You know what I'm saying. After this stage, you should be able to look at each other in a crowded room and know what the other one talking about without even opening your mouth. You know what that look mean.

JASMEKA:

Time to go, let's get out of here. But in this stage can I add uh, on that prayer part, just make sure y'all belong and y'all supposed to be together. To move on to this next stage, because some of us are connected with people we're not supposed to be with. And now we're struggling and bumping heads on the second stage and wondering why we can't progress and why we just can't get past this hump and why we can't.

SYLVESTER:

Might not be the one, but I'm not here to say that Y'all got the spirit of discernment and so, and so that's why allowing that spiritual component into this first stage is very important because, listen, god going to show you, god will show you, and not just you, but the other person too. It's going to open up. That's like, basically, you saying God, listen, come on in. We ain't trying to do this ourself, I ain't trying to do this myself. We both want the best for one another, right? I don't want you to end up with the wrong person, right? And you don't want me to end up with the wrong person, because the longer you spend with the wrong person, the more time you're spending away from the person you're supposed to be with, building what you're supposed to be building you know what I'm saying? And in order and divine alignment with where you're supposed to be. So, yeah, definitely, definitely Stage two, babe.

JASMEKA:

Let's go, we unplugging, that's you Unplugging a bit. This is mid-relationship. So you're in the committed relationship. In the middle of it You're engaged. You said yes.

SYLVESTER:

You said yes, you said yes, I said yes.

JASMEKA:

You said yes, so the connection is more stable. You've unplugged a bit from the constant need to be in touch and watch and question and doubt your trust. You got a little more faith in this area. Like you made it past the commitment, now you're fully committed and you're going forth with it. So what does direction look like in this stage?

SYLVESTER:

In this stage direction looks more like.

SYLVESTER:

It look like this it ain't rocky in this state. This is what direction looks like. Okay, it looks like I know you, what position you play. I know you're stressing on your weaknesses by this time, right, okay, you know mine, right. Therefore, I have more trust. It's a little bit less hands-on, know I'm saying I know your strengths and your weaknesses, you know mine. So now ain't got to be so much constant communication with each other. We ain't got to be tapping in so frequently as we used to. We can leave each other and go do what it is that we know each other is doing, for whatever, we're building.

JASMEKA:

We ain't got to be on the phone all day.

SYLVESTER:

We ain't got to be on the phone all day. You can wait until I get home, and this is going to be just as good.

JASMEKA:

You ain't got to be blowing you up when you at what you doing.

SYLVESTER:

You ain't got to be doing it because you already know. You know my habits more, so now I know yours, those little emotional support that looks more so like now I'm able to what we can get, that part, yeah, right, that's that's on devotion. I'm gonna leave that right there. Um, so that's what the direction looks like. Okay, we're more confident. We're more confident in the roles that we play you're confident when you hit it yeah, and so we flow, we flow, we flow more naturally together okay you know I'm saying at this stage, people like dang y'all, just, you know you're answering each other question um sentences.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, you're finishing each other's sentences now and you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what she likes, you know what I like. We just prove it now.

JASMEKA:

We just provide checking a phone a little less. That's what you're saying a little.

SYLVESTER:

No, it's not what I'm saying. We should definitely be off and checking phone at this point.

JASMEKA:

It's a joke. It's a joke Discipline. Discipline evolves here, requiring less immediate conflict resolution and more trust that your partner will handle their responsibility. This stage is about letting go of the need of control, knowing you've both established strong foundation, so this is less day-to-day management right, and this is more faith in the area of trusting that your partner knows how to conduct themselves without you being around.

SYLVESTER:

It's um more so trusting you being around. It's more so trusting that what's in that network, those principles that you guys agree to and stand on, are in action. You know what I'm saying, that this person knows their position, they know what we doing in this relationship and they respect it, just like you respect it, and they're moving like that.

JASMEKA:

Again self-discipl, moving like that. Again self-discipline, yeah, self-discipline um because that that's the discipline that I strongly believe is at play. Like when you go outside and you go to work, are you disciplined and grounded enough in this relationship that you would resist the temptations that come your way, like not me telling you you better not cheat on me, I'm going to leave if you cheat, right, like that ain't discipline. That's freaking scarcity and concern and fears and anxiety that you need to handle personally.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, and there's certain roles now, because we now know each other's strengths and weaknesses, we've assigned roles, we've assigned. And for us, I know, for us it's not like a gender based thing, it's whatever it takes, it's about strength. It's about strength. So if you're strong in that area, then now we trust that. I trust that you're going to take care of that. You know what I'm saying and I ain't over your shoulder about it. I ain't saying nothing wrong reminding them, but you're not doubting that they're able to get that done Right. So where are we now?

JASMEKA:

Devotion.

SYLVESTER:

Devotion. What does that look like, did you? What does it mean? Okay? What does that look like, did you? What does it mean? Okay? What is devotion? What does love look like?

JASMEKA:

on this second stage, well, devotion shifts to spiritual support, maintaining the emotional connection by trusting God more with the relationship's future Partners start to rely more on prayer and faith, while still nurturing the bond when needed I remember when we were in this stage we used to say I don't trust necessarily him alone, but I trust the god in him, like I believe that the god in him will speak and convict him on whatever he's out there doing. So that's all I hear. When you say, like you know, devotion, look a little different. You still touching, kissing, hugging, loving, encouraging. That's not what we're seeing.

JASMEKA:

You're still doing all that stuff. It may be a little less because in the beginning I still don't think we could top.

SYLVESTER:

We focus in well, three yeah, I really believe that first stage. You're definitely more touchy-touchy, more physical than you are in the third stage.

JASMEKA:

You got to maintain and manage.

SYLVESTER:

You understand that that's something that has to be managed and it got to be that. It got to be a part of the sauce.

JASMEKA:

Right, it got to.

SYLVESTER:

But it's more of a spiritual support now, it's more of keeping you covered, understanding, because now what's more important is where we're headed Right, what are we building together and whatever that takes to get there, which a lot has to do with you know what we're doing outside of the home together, outside of the home together, but even more so what it looks like on the inside of the home praying together more. We're actually more focused with our prayers now because we know where we're headed, we know what we're trying to build. So we got declarations and you know what I'm saying that specifically speak toward where we're headed and what we want God doing for us in those particular areas, whether it's real estate, whether it's you know business, or whether it's education, children, whatever that is. You know how to move basically spiritually. You know what I'm saying Because, see, as these stages go on, just in parenting, you're learning the reason why it's called wireless. The third stage is always wireless is because it takes more faith and you learn how to more so um, maneuver using your spiritual advantage, as opposed to just everything that's physical.

SYLVESTER:

You know I'm saying you done, got him locked in, it started physical, right, he know that it's good. He know how you moving. He love what it is we already know physically. You know what I'm saying he done. Got into what you like and dislike your emotional makeup. He like how your brain is you know what I'm saying. Like he love how you think. He values how your brain is you know what I'm saying. Like he love how you think. He values how you think and what you come with. He love your brilliance. Now we getting more, so closer to all that's established. So spiritually, though, how can we gain more control spiritually as to where we're headed as a couple?

JASMEKA:

You know, your girl always gonna throw something in there.

SYLVESTER:

Go ahead, throw something in there.

JASMEKA:

That's probably why people never make it to the third stage, because in the first stage I thought I knew you and by the time it was time for me to let go. Now I don't know you.

SYLVESTER:

Ooh.

JASMEKA:

You're a totally different person.

SYLVESTER:

Then let go. Everybody makes you pass that you did all this mentally.

JASMEKA:

You did all this physically. You did all this when you got me in. Now we're supposed to be unplugging but you done, you done introduced a whole new identity that I can't unplug.

SYLVESTER:

So we still plugged in because you don't know who you really was and what it is, if you still unplug. Like we ain't saying that, like for different relationships, we're not. That's why we don't give like no, no, set time frame for this. No, that's that's depending on you and your growth as a relation, as a couple, and when you feel like you know that level has matured and you're going on to the next. Um, it's only case by case, like we always like to say, like each relationship is custom-made. You can't compare yours to nobody else's. Stick with what's what y'all got going on and making sure that it's growing, making sure that you communicate, and then doing those conflict resolution in a more effective way, so that we're getting something out of that that will help us grow to the next level.

JASMEKA:

So, in the wired beginnings, be your authentic self. Show them who you really are. This is who I am. This is what I come with. I'm trying to improve in this area. I'm working on this. Don't come in with the oh, my credit score 800 when it really is 600 and you're hiding it behind a door. Oh, I'm a lawyer, but you really ain't a lawyer.

JASMEKA:

You give tickets downtown and you're trying to just paint it out to be something that you ain't stop all that don't do that stop all that like come in with who you really are and if that person is meant to be on his destiny and his journey with you, they'll stay knowing the true you, not you hooked them. In the beginning. Y'all was building and now it's time to go wireless. But they done found out you ain't who you say you really are.

SYLVESTER:

Right Now, it's time to unplug.

JASMEKA:

Now it's time to disconnect.

SYLVESTER:

That unplug end up being a disconnect. Yeah, unplug and realize there's a disconnect. Yeah, it's done, we ain't going wireless, we we done, and it's like.

SYLVESTER:

it's like, if you still on that stage too, if we're on that stage too, and we're, we're, we're, um, we're on the unplugging, we're supposed to be unplugging now, and we find, like you're saying, early like you were saying at the beginning, like if you find that there's some issues there and you may have, may have to backpedal Right or visit that stage, like, stay on that stage a little longer to make sure that those kinks are worked out, right, maybe that person wasn't being totally honest about you know what the weaknesses were that that was there. Or maybe they just need some more work on those right, some more uh reinforcement, uh therapy when it comes to that, right? Uh, maybe it wasn't something that they could just handle on their own right. And now they know now you know, right, um, maybe they lied about the direction that they was going into, that they really wanted to go in that direction. Maybe they just said that because if they knew how special you were and was afraid to let you go, and that's a wrong reason to be with somebody, though you know what I'm saying you don't never want to be.

SYLVESTER:

I always say you don't never want to be with nobody for sympathy. Don't get locked into that, it's not going to turn out good. And you don't never want to be with nobody for the sake of fear, because you're just afraid to lose them and it's like because when you do that it's like okay, not only are you not trusting what it is that you have inside of you, the value that you bring to the table, you're also not trusting who God is in your life. If you have him, if that's a connection you actually have you're not trusting that Right.

JASMEKA:

Don't make these relationships idols and gods True, because while you're saying that, that's what I'm hearing Like okay, they lying to get the person because they don't feel you know, able or competent enough to be who they are to that person.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

So it's like you just made them God over your life. Bring them in. You need him, I need him.

SYLVESTER:

Wow, don't make him your God. Nah, because as soon as you make something or someone more important than who God is in your life, guess what's going to happen? It's going to crumble anyway.

JASMEKA:

Y'all going to be back at the beginning.

SYLVESTER:

God going to destroy it? Why? Because he love you. He's a jealous guy and he love you, though more than anything, so he gonna make sure that. Why it's not? It's not in proper order. You know what I'm saying. It's not in proper order. You don't put that person before, before you put your love for god. You know what I'm saying? And and that's gonna breed fear and toxicity, like all of that. All of that come because you just out of water, so let's not be too scared to let the wrong people go so that they can find the right people and then so you can find the right person. Like that's what everything can get. Sometimes everything got to get destroyed before it can get rebuilt the right way in proper order.

JASMEKA:

Because our goal is to get every, every committed relationship to that wireless stage. I love that I could go out with my friend girls and my husband's not concerned. I love that I could go on girls trips and my husband is not concerned. But it's we built that. That didn't come overnight. In the early stages of our marriage I wasn't allowed, but it's just something we didn't do. I didn't take the girls trips or I wasn't gone for the weekend. It's like we're trying to see where this can go.

SYLVESTER:

We still build like we're still building. We still get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses and agreeing on what our end goal is for each other and making those steps. It's like I'm busy. We're and making those steps. It's like I'm busy, we're busy making those steps toward where we say we're headed. So, it's a lot of things that just don't fit into those stages. Third stage, stage three wireless. I don't know how to do that. Can you do that?

JASMEKA:

Wireless Wireless.

SYLVESTER:

Wireless. Okay, this is where the wireless relationship truly thrives. It's that lifelong commitment stage, it's that marriage stage right? Either you in just a lifelong committed relationship or you're actually untied and you're married, y'all locked in.

JASMEKA:

If you locked in ain't no switching up. Sorry Ooh.

SYLVESTER:

Direction. What does direction look like on this third stage in a wireless relationship?

JASMEKA:

Oh, it's the hands-on control. Oh, the hands-on control shifts Entirely To faith.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

I don't check phones Y'all. If Sylvester out there doing something, god just gonna have to Show me. Deal with him.

SYLVESTER:

Deal with me.

JASMEKA:

Cause your girl ain't checking. No phones.

SYLVESTER:

Deal with me.

JASMEKA:

I ain't checking phones, I ain't checking call logs. Call me dumb, call me whatever you want to call me, but at this stage my faith is truly in the man he showed me and as well as god the god that sent me the god that sent him like um, it's hands off. Like, call me what you want to call me. We are fools for something. I don't know what you a fool for, but I'm a fool for love. I'm a fool for this.

SYLVESTER:

Right.

JASMEKA:

But it's like hands off yeah.

SYLVESTER:

You got to trust that network.

JASMEKA:

Right. We're no longer directing every aspect. Instead, we trust that the relationship will continue to function based on the foundation we built. I feel like we got a strong foundation. I believe we know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We both act independently in this relationship and we trust each other's capacity and we lean on God. Definitely. That's really the stage we're in. I ain't checking no phones, I'm just not.

SYLVESTER:

You ain't doing all that, so I got to check kids' phones.

JASMEKA:

You think I'm going to add a fifth. Well, I can't check Jamarcus' phone, no more, that ain't even. But I'm checking three phones. I'm doing a random snatch. Let me see that phone.

SYLVESTER:

All right.

JASMEKA:

I'm not going to do it over here too. They didn't have phones during that time when I was checking these phones, so I only had to check one.

SYLVESTER:

That's it. That was it, just one.

JASMEKA:

That was it.

SYLVESTER:

So then, what Discipline? What does discipline look like in a wireless relationship? Discipline is now more about self-regulation on parts of both partners, like we got to regulate ourselves. Now you know what I'm saying. It's, it's, it's. We're more mature now. Like you know what you want at least that's what you said. You won't like. Be a man of your word, be a woman of your word, right, um, you trust, um that each other we trust each other for the relationship.

SYLVESTER:

There's certain things that we agreed to at the beginning and we're living in that. Now we're going to walk it out and the disagreements, they're more so now resolved with a more mature understanding.

SYLVESTER:

The disagreements now don't last as long as they used to. I said you don't have them, but they just don't last as long as they did in that first stage and stage one and stage two. It gets less and less. Why? Because the understanding of each other should be greater at this point, right, the more I understand you, I always like to say that there's a thin line between well, I should say the opposite of offense is understanding, because anytime you find yourself offended, then that's because there's some type of misunderstanding that was there.

SYLVESTER:

You don't understand something, it's something you don't understand, so you find yourself offended. Now, when you choose, it's a choice that you got to make, though. When you choose to understand, even if it a choice that you got to make, though, when you choose to understand, even if it's something that you still don't like, the information could be given to you, right, the explanation could be being given to you and you still don't like it. But you still have a choice to either reject that understanding, keep your offense, or accept the understanding whether I like it or not, this is actually what happened and do away with the offense. It's always a choice, but you can't keep understanding and offense. They don't live in the same place, okay.

JASMEKA:

So help the fellas out. Help the fellas out. How do you remain disciplined when temptation come your way?

SYLVESTER:

Well.

JASMEKA:

The new booty the network.

SYLVESTER:

It's about the network. It's about the network it's leaning on. First of all, I mean me personally. I pride myself on being a man in my word and it's like what are you standing on Right, what, what, what do you? What did you say you were going to do? Do it, You're a man. You know what I'm saying. Um, if that's the case, then your word ain't worth nothing. Um, stand on that. So I basically just check myself and it's not just me, I can't just say it's not fully willpower, Absolutely, the Holy Spirit will convict me. You know what I'm saying. If I go too far, like he'll convict me, I'll get that little tug and be like yeah, yeah, just not a good look, and then it's on me to adhere to that. You know what I'm saying. Like I heard that and go ahead and new position, new position and change that thing up. You know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

So you know, okay, and sometimes you just got to run. Yeah, sometimes you got to run. Uh, that's one of the best tactics right now.

JASMEKA:

Run Like one like running is foolproof.

SYLVESTER:

It's foolproof like like.

JASMEKA:

It's foolproof like like take off, like, like that, like that's what you're talking about take off in whatever way that it needs to be.

SYLVESTER:

Like you know, like there's always, there's always a way of escape. Yeah, either you gotta block a person uh, whether you gotta, like, just change the subject you know I'm saying of a conversation or something whether you gotta use a friend you know I'm saying use a friend. That you know, get something. Something. There's always gonna be some way. There's a will, there's a way. If you really want to get up out of there, then you'll get up, okay okay, got it.

JASMEKA:

Devotion on this stage it becomes deeply spiritual. At this time, partners are less focused on everyday tasks and more on long-term growth. They pray for each other, they show gratitude, they rely on the shared vision for the future to strengthen in the bond like that which hints, I married my business partner yes that's the future vision.

JASMEKA:

So anything and everything that will put this foundation in a position you gotta go like that's that running like nah. We focus on the long term. We're looking at generations to come. Forget whatever temptation may. I don't want a free, I don't want a cup of the good. I don't want some dollars. That's temporarily. It ain't doing nothing.

SYLVESTER:

For generations to come, it ain't worth sacrificing the long-term goal that we set and agreed to. It ain't worth it Absolutely. That's another thing too, the vision that helps men. You know what I'm saying. Like, stay in line, get in line where you may sway off a little bit. Just keeping my mind on the vision, like reminding myself of what the vision is and how this may not you know, being so good with this might throw it off.

JASMEKA:

Right and in this stage we trust that God guides our relationship, knowing that we're we both are invested emotionally and spiritually in the success. So that's a Selah moment. That's a Selah what y'all working with. Man, Don't be looking at other couples in their wire stage feeling like your relationship ain't thriving. You're just not in the wireless stage. Honor the season that you are in. And if you are watching and you're not in a committed relationship, before we jump on this podcast, our prayer to God is let it go loose. Whatever bondage you got on them, stronghold you got on them for getting into a committed relationship with the right person. We command that spirit to die. We will participate in some holy matrimonies this year and we'll be able to jump on this live and share the testimony of hey, this couple got married. Y'all, or, like we standing on it, we're for um, marriage works if you work it right, so so any final words.

SYLVESTER:

I just want to say that you know, comparing this whole thing to, um, you know, using the, the technical terms, the technology terms and everything, um, your, your, your connection with your partner is only as strong as the network, is only as strong as the network. It's only as strong as the network that you build it on. God is a part of our network, right? The vision is a part of our network. You know what I'm saying? Trust is a part of our network, so it's only as strong as what you're building it on. That's your network.

SYLVESTER:

And then, when it comes to your network, your network is only as stable, just like when you look up your code of your phone and you tap that network thing and it tell you whatever name you named your network at home or whatever like, and you see those bars, how many bars, that is, how strong. It tell you how strong the signal is. That's only as good as the amount of bandwidth, right? How strong and how, how much energy, how much your relationship is actually able to take, right? So the stronger your connection. Your connection is only as strong as your, your uh network and your network is only as as as stable as the bandwidth and what you're able to actually go through and come out of. You know what I'm saying you said a mouthful.

JASMEKA:

Stop expecting a stronger connection where you got the freebie oh, the free cast. You got the free um they got the free, the lunch, the kids lunch, 9.99 oh when we started this? Well, no, that was during covid time, when they made all the kids stay home. We had to go from the free stuff, the 9.99 government service we gotta invest more. We need more uh gigabytes. We need a stronger package, we need it now we at a place where, hey, this wi-fi gotta be strong it gotta be strong six phones we were because we're doing more.

JASMEKA:

We're doing more stronger we need more y'all be wanting these strong connections, but y'all giving a free freebie yeah invest the time, invest the money, invest the resources, invest it to have a wireless connection.

SYLVESTER:

Read some books, y'all. Read some books, do some research.

JASMEKA:

Reach out, Reach out Consultation services coming soon. Y'all Definitely Coming soon.

SYLVESTER:

Ask questions, do some therapy. That's a part of your network. You know what I'm saying. That's what makes your network strong. I would also say that a part of what you were saying. You got to invest in it. You got that cheap service, but you're expecting a lot from it. So then, the more that you plan on doing, because there's a lot of us out there now we're doing a lot, y'all on, y'all grind. You know what I'm saying. You done married, your business partner, partner, and y'all doing some big and some great things, but you still working off of that cheap service. You know what I'm saying. You're not investing into the relationship, though, because we could be doing a lot of business and doing a lot of stuff, but the foundation is this right here, and if you're not investing in that and if you're not investing in that, that means you're still running on, like you say, that government-issued cheap service plan, and that ain't going to hold. That ain't got enough to process everything that y'all doing.

JASMEKA:

Trying to call God. God, this man you sent me, he ain't working.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying. Y'all don't want to hold another level, y'all on level three, but you still got level one service. You got to put in on a level that you expect to be able to produce on. Invest in that relationship, man, whatever that, take the time, the resources, the money, the whatever. Invest in it and you'll see that it gets easier to produce on that level when you invest on that level. So you got to make it make sense, got to make it make sense.

JASMEKA:

Yo, and we out of here.

SYLVESTER:

Peace. Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.