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WHAT A WOMAN NEEDS: Understanding the Deeper Needs of Women in Relationships

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 22

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What if financial provision isn't enough to sustain a healthy relationship? Join Sylvester and JasMeka on this enlightening episode of Relationships 101 Podcast, where we uncover the essential needs of women beyond traditional roles. Sylvester shares his journey from believing that money was sufficient, to understanding the deeper emotional connections women seek. We discuss the importance of respect in daily life and on social media and confront common misconceptions that can hinder a thriving marriage.

Explore the nuances of love and affection with us as we tackle the complexities of communication. Understand why men often struggle to express their emotions and how transparency can lead to personal growth and healthier relationships. We also highlight ways to show affection beyond physical intimacy, such as spending quality time and recognizing each woman’s unique love language. Mutual effort is key, and we emphasize the importance of maintaining a loving and communicative relationship.

Finally, we delve into the terrain of vulnerability and emotional expression, focusing on the significance of authenticity in relationships. We address the fears men might have due to past experiences and the importance of feeling safe and trusted. You can learn how to communicate needs and expectations clearly, making mutual contributions and faithfulness. We also touch on the value of seeking therapy and addressing personal issues for a stronger relationship. Tune in for insights that will help you and your partner build a committed and thriving relationship.

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast, your introduction to a healthy relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host, Jazmika Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, she is.

JASMEKA:

So today y'all know I'm not going to let them go out like that. You told us what a man need, right?

SYLVESTER:

I told you what a man need last time. What we need, yes, sir.

JASMEKA:

We got needs too. Women got needs too oh y'all do Absolutely oh. What you think some of those needs are. Before we jump into it, I just want to hear it out Because you know everybody got assumptions. We come into these relationships like I think women just want me to pay bills and women I think men just want sex and a good meal, and it's like it's so much more to that.

SYLVESTER:

And you gave us the name last week. Okay, so I'm going to take us back to when we first got married. Okay, I ain't going to lie. I was kind of like just under the assumption that as long as I was providing, I was doing a great job.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying? I was at one point I had two jobs. I mean, I just knew I was just doing it. You know what I'm saying? I was doing it and I would be getting like little pushback, little hey, hey, you da-da-da-da, and I'm like what, wait a minute man, I'm doing my Superman over here. What was going on? I'm providing like I'm supposed to be, a provider right, and you know, after taking the constructive criticism.

JASMEKA:

That's how we grow into account.

SYLVESTER:

I realized that, dang, you know, maybe it's more to this, Because she was like you know, but the time, though, Like we need your time too, we need your presence. You know what I'm saying? Other than, though, we need your time too, we need your presence. You know what I'm saying? Other than you're always working, and I'm just like, dang, there's more to this, huh.

JASMEKA:

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER:

Absolutely so, yeah, yeah, I definitely know y'all need some stuff, y'all need some more stuff.

JASMEKA:

I appreciate the generosity, I appreciate you being a hardworking man, I appreciate you paying bills, but I'm a woman with other needs. I need the communication, I need the touch, I need the gifts, I need the trust. It's just so much more than just providing. We're relational, we're moms, we're nurturers, okay, so we're giving out all this and in return, what are we getting back? The kids can't give it to us. They could. They could give a hug and a kiss, right, but that's where you come and feel those boys and pour back into.

SYLVESTER:

So, yeah, yeah, I definitely feel some voids.

JASMEKA:

So today's episode I'm coming for the healthy women Like I'm not talking about. If I'm beefing with Sue, I need you beefing with Sue. If I'm about to go outside and fight the neighbor, I need you to go outside and fight the neighbor Because some people feel like that's what they need and they need it Okay, all right, you ain't talk about the ones who I ain't talk about that. I'm coming for the healthy, healed improving striving growing.

SYLVESTER:

Not the ones who got their man putting his life on the line.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, now I don't need you out there selling drugs. Take your penitentiary chances.

SYLVESTER:

I don't need it, I don't want it. Okay, all right, we don't outgrow that, we don stage.

JASMEKA:

I ain't trying to say. Probably 10 years ago my mind ain't be like, oh, just quit the job and go out there. No, but no, we ain't coming for it, I don't want it. You don't outgo that, thank God, it ain't never happen. It ain't have to happen. Okay, but top on the list. I'm going to say what's big for us is respect, like R-E-S-P-E-C-T spell it now you know what it mean to me find out what it means to me we gonna find out today but no, like we don't want to be out here looking like complete fools, like we're already.

JASMEKA:

We're already kind of coming with a disadvantage because, like I said on the last episode, they come out with the stigma on men cheat.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

So then you got your women. That's out there combating that argument.

SYLVESTER:

Definitely, definitely.

JASMEKA:

We don't want to be out here looking like no fool, like let us feel safe, not shamed. So um respect us, respect us as women, respect our bodies, respect our mind, respect us. Respect us as women. Respect our bodies, respect our mind, respect our home, respect what we bring in.

SYLVESTER:

Respect our body. What do you mean?

JASMEKA:

Don't bring nothing back home.

SYLVESTER:

Oh, okay.

JASMEKA:

Respect the bodies.

SYLVESTER:

We can do that, fellas Right, we can do that.

JASMEKA:

Hopefully, thank you, but next on the list, wait first why some of y'all men don't be respecting women Like what it be, what?

SYLVESTER:

you mean Is it?

JASMEKA:

greed Like why is it hard for men to commit and be respectful and honest?

SYLVESTER:

Respecting what way, though, Like not cursing y'all what you mean.

JASMEKA:

Well, okay, social media is a big one, let's get into it. Social media guys, be privately DMing overly, liking inappropriate pictures. It's disrespectful. Why can't that be seen as a problem on y'all ear?

SYLVESTER:

Doggone it, hey um.

JASMEKA:

I'll put you on the spot.

SYLVESTER:

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so, um, what happened was so what happened was? We just don't see the world the way y'all see the world. We just don't. We see things differently.

SYLVESTER:

It's a difference in perspective I believe being in somebody's DM ain't disrespectful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand. I understand that. You know I'm saying uh trying to holler at a chick in the dm and you know you in a committed relationship. No, I understand that. That's come on. You know you being disrespectful but, um, like in a picture we don't see, it depends on what that picture like. Y'all see different things in the picture than what we see.

JASMEKA:

No, I think we know women better than y'all know women.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, I can agree with that too.

JASMEKA:

And the only reason we could talk about this passionately y'all because we got our crown. We've been through that. If you ain't, you can't get a crown unless you on the cross about it. So earlier in our relationship we used to have this little conflict like A-Bay. I understand you liking people's stuff because it's like, oh no, I just got to support so that in return support can be given, right. But there's a level to the support. I'm not going to like no man picture with his cock out. You don't really like pictures like that but I'm not going to like a picture where the man got his T-shirt off and he just posing. Like that. To me it's inappropriate. So earlier in our relationship I used to be like, hey, them inappropriate pictures Like she's seductively or she's standing in a way or it's attention seeking and you like it.

SYLVESTER:

Excuse me, I just need you to speak into the mic.

JASMEKA:

And you liken the image. So again, that's disrespectful, like it ain't got nothing to do with a woman's insecurity, a woman's. This it's just. We know what women think. We could be wrong, our judgment can be wrong, but y'all don't think like women, so y'all think.

SYLVESTER:

Y'all blindly liking a picture with nothing and you keeping scrolling, but in that woman's mind you may be putting off an image if you keep liking these pictures or you keep coming on these comments okay, yeah, I can understand that it definitely could be something going on that we don't realize, because we could just be, you know, thinking like you say, we just supporting somebody picture, clicking on it, not really looking into everything that's going on in the picture.

JASMEKA:

It's just hey, happy birthday yeah, so we, we, we finally got our crown. It was a cross we had to get through, because in his mind he didn't see it as disrespect. He just saw it as no, that's my schoolmate. I'm just supporting what she's doing, yes, but it's a bit inappropriate. So let's not like too much or let's not comment on inappropriate content. You're a married man, so just be careful of what you, what you're putting out there. Don't let nobody read a like or just don't send out messages.

SYLVESTER:

That's, that's the end of that yeah, fellas, just uh, women they see things a lot more in depth. Uh, yeah, and sometimes y'all be doing too much, but let's, let's go on to the next thing, please. Thank you.

JASMEKA:

We're going to go to the next one, but still we big on the Respect. Respect us, respect our name, respect our image, respect our home, respect what we got going on.

SYLVESTER:

Hey, man Shout out to Jamaicans out there Respect.

JASMEKA:

Oh gosh, another one Emotional support. I think you guys are challenged in that area of being emotionally available, so that it requires us to go out to friend girls and some women go out to other guys that got more time or whatever they do. But I think being emotional available to us is a big thing.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, being emotionally available is a big thing. I mean, there's guys who you know who go through the same thing, so I don't really think it's a male-female thing. However, knowing that women need that emotional support, I can agree with that. Y'all need that emotional support. I can agree with that. Y'all need that emotional support, and it's something that you know. I feel like some men we ain't there yet.

JASMEKA:

Some men wasn't on this one or the other one where you said we need therapy. Okay, that was the other one. They didn't hear that.

SYLVESTER:

What oh?

JASMEKA:

We had to restart. But the first one he was like y'all need therapy. I'm like no, what do we need from you? So, with that emotional port, some of y'all men need therapy, so y'all can know how to help us that's true, that's equipped.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, not 50, 50, but 100, 100. You know I'm saying so. We both, we both got to get get help in the areas that we feel. You know what I'm saying?

JASMEKA:

that we may be lacking and for some of us men it is emotional emotion, availability, emotional availability, that's definitely and I do get that sometimes we put off too much issues like women yeah, yeah, we're different so I can't expect you like right now it might be about my parents, Then the next minute it may be about my job, Then the next minute it may be about my kids and the next minute it may be about my friends.

SYLVESTER:

And when you say the next minute, you really mean the next 60 seconds. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, definitely.

JASMEKA:

So I can understand that sometimes we could be too heavy. So yeah, women, we got to kind of challenge and channel the energy correctly and not bring everything to our spouse, because then they're not going to be emotional.

SYLVESTER:

Not all at once anyway, Not all at once. Let's kind of like departmentalize that a little bit.

JASMEKA:

And if you toxic, they definitely not going to be emotionally available. If every day you bringing them an issue, what man wants to hear Shoot? What human want to hear an issue every single day?

SYLVESTER:

Right, can we have some sunshine some days, like, can it not rain every day, right. And then some of them, issues don't even be yours, it be issues that you just entertaining from other people's lives and for some reason you just drawn to drama and now the man got to sit there and entertain this drama with you. Fellas, let's not get into that, okay? If your girl toxic man and you're not, because some of y'all toxic too, if she's toxic and you're not, let of y'all toxic too. If she's toxic and you're not, let's, let's, let's, let's not entertain a toxicity. I don't know if I said that right so how can you respectfully do that though?

JASMEKA:

because if she's bringing that issue to the man and he don't entertain it, then she's gonna feel rejected and feel like my spouse never listened to me, my spouse never this. So how can they respectfully reject the drama?

SYLVESTER:

Just say it. I don't want to hear all that.

JASMEKA:

Oh God, You're like, it is what it is yes be yes and your no be no. I don't want to hear it.

SYLVESTER:

I don't want to hear all that man. I mean I don't feel like saying I don't want to hear all that is disrespectful. I don't feel like saying I don't want to hear all that is disrespectful, I don't want to hear all that that affects my mood. You know what I'm saying. If we can have a conversation about it, then it's like look, I don't want to be hearing about Bonquisha and them fighting and how somebody got drug out the house and somebody got and then the nigga came back and shot somebody. I don't want to hear about all that. That's that's affecting my mood. I got a whole day to do right, especially early in the morning, and this is what we're talking about. You know what I'm saying. Like let's let's bring some positive, let's wake up with positivity. Let's wake up with positivity. That way I'm in a better mood, you're in a better mood, and we could pass that on and share that with each other. It's a lot of toxic stuff that we bring into the relationships, man, that affects the relationship and we don't realize it.

SYLVESTER:

We just think that it's a story like putting your phone on on a speakerphone when somebody blurring out all type of toxic crap, all their problems and all of this, and you just got it on speakerphone and you think that that's not affecting you, filling up your atmosphere with that negative stuff like you're filling it up and at some point it's going to come to a breaking point, to where you're going to get tired of that and your atmosphere is going to start to change. Shoot, the flowers in the house might start dying. I ain't no telling what. You know what I'm saying. But you're thinking that just because you don't see it, it's not affecting you. No, it's affecting you. At some point it's going to start to feel heavy on you and now you're irritated with everybody and everything. And it's because you've been entertaining these toxic and negative situations and energies like for too long. Like close the door.

JASMEKA:

So is that why y'all don't communicate with us a lot? Because that was my next theme. We want communication, so is our conversations.

SYLVESTER:

Sometimes it's just girl stuff. It's girl stuff.

JASMEKA:

You know what?

SYLVESTER:

I'm saying Sometimes it's girl stuff and I ain't saying like, I grew up with all girls Like my. You know what I'm saying. I got all sisters, so I understand you know what I'm saying. Like, sometimes I'm going to entertain you know what I'm saying your conversation. I'm not just going to say, oh, no, man, I ain't talking about that. I ain't talking about hashtags. Man, right, man, I'm a man. It's like no, my girl, no baby, that don't look good, or no, that's cute, that's cute. Okay, I'm here, I'm here for you. But sometimes you just get a little bit too in-depth. Sometimes you just get a little bit too in-depth. You know what I'm saying. I'm not your homegirl. You know what I'm saying. I ain't your sister. So at some point it's some things I can't even I can't morph into no female to entertain female stuff. We're not talking about colors for you, I don't know. It's just some things that you know. It's just female conversation and if it's that, I can understand a man not entertaining that. But when you say communication, you mean, like certain conversations.

JASMEKA:

Not even conversations. I was just piggybacking on that one. I feel like in these relationships, some men are not properly communicating with their spouse. I feel like, okay, when it comes to communication, men are not properly communicating with their spouse or their I feel like okay when it comes to communication.

SYLVESTER:

So we was talking about what a man need. We talked about the fact that we hit on the fact that some men don't communicate with their emotions.

JASMEKA:

And we need that.

SYLVESTER:

They're not transparent enough to be understood and because you got some women that are actually trying to understand that man Not all of them, though, not going to throw no blanket statement and say all women are trying to understand your man, so all men need to be. All men do need to be. You know what I'm saying. However, it's not because all women are trying to understand their man. I would say that it's because it makes you a better you as a man. It makes you a better person when you can be transparent and you're able to translate those feelings into words and let somebody know how you feel in a healthy way.

SYLVESTER:

Because that person may not be your spouse, that person may not be, you know, your girlfriend that person may not be. That person may be your child that you need to properly be able to express your emotions to, instead of yelling at them. That person may be your boss at work, so that you don't come off the wrong way and end up getting fired. You know what I'm saying? Again, because you don't know how to properly communicate these emotions. You may be angry, but that don't mean it's time to yell and lash out. Let's communicate that anger so that the other person understands why.

JASMEKA:

Okay, we just we want some open communication, we want honesty. We don't want to be left in the dark wondering is he happy? Is he not? What's on his mind? What are you thinking about, right, like, yeah, we don't want to frog on the log, we want you to hop.

SYLVESTER:

Hop out.

JASMEKA:

Hop out, step out the law. How about All right, moving on, moving on, moving on Affection.

SYLVESTER:

Affection. That's what y'all need yeah. Okay.

JASMEKA:

Yeah.

SYLVESTER:

Okay.

JASMEKA:

We need affection.

SYLVESTER:

We need the hugs.

JASMEKA:

You give me affection. I'm speaking for the women. I don't want you to be like they need, we need. I'm a part of the crew. Love and affection, but not all men give affection. Who's on?

SYLVESTER:

that I need love and affection.

JASMEKA:

Don't give me a test.

SYLVESTER:

Hey, I think Snoop did that.

JASMEKA:

Love and affection Okay, but yeah, don't just make it a song, be about it in real life. We need that affection. We need the hugs, the kisses, the reassurement.

SYLVESTER:

We need that hugs, the kisses the reassurement Like we need that, y'all need that.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, y'all are worth that and some men struggle with it, like I don't know if it's something that happened in their past or if they wasn't shown it as a child, so they really don't know how to give it. But we need it. Like we don't just want y'all to go to work, come pay bills, take your shower, eat your meals, sit on the couch and say let's watch a movie. Then go lay in bed and say let's have sex.

SYLVESTER:

All right, so let's talk about this a little bit. What, in what ways can we show y'all love and affection other than the obvious? You know what I'm saying Sex.

JASMEKA:

Other than yeah. So every woman is different. I can't speak for all, because we all have different love languages, as we talked about earlier and different needs Right.

JASMEKA:

So for me at first. Originally I thought mine was gifts. Right, like I used to. You weren't bringing flowers, you weren't bringing gifts. Oh my gosh, like okay. But now in this season of my life, like gifts are so at the bottom of my list that it's like no, I need the hugs, I need the kisses, I need reassurance as we're fighting through and going through you know through this time that we're in, so I can't really speak to what all women need. They will have to verbalize what they need from their spouse.

SYLVESTER:

What are some things that you may have come across in conversation with someone. They want the dates.

JASMEKA:

They want the dates. They want the hugs and kisses. They want to be cuddled. They want the back rubs. They want to be cuddled. They want the back rubs too. Not just rub my back. Yeah, they want it.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, fellas, let's get them back rubs out and let's get the holding hands together and let's go to the movies sometime and show them a good time and let's cuddle some, even if you got to go ahead. Make the house real cold. Then you know what I'm saying. Make the car real cold, just make it real cold. It'll make it real easy.

JASMEKA:

That you've got to grab.

SYLVESTER:

That you can cuddle. Just a little tip, a little tip for y'all.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, they want affection. They don't want the macho man. Macho man, yeah, like you. Just this okay, cut it off when you come through this door and be a teddy bear. Turn it off. You could be that outside the home but, when you walk through the door, become a teddy bear.

SYLVESTER:

I think some men don't really get that though. So women like the, it's attractive to see that polar they call it polar opposites. Like you know North South, like you know North South, it's attractive to see the difference in a person Like you know you macho, you know what I'm saying. How Betty Wright say a lady in the streets you know what I'm saying but a freak in the sheets I mean women also like to be able to see that. Okay, you macho outside and you a man's man outside in public, but then in private with me.

SYLVESTER:

You, my teddy bear, you know what I'm saying. You show me that soft side that everybody don't get, type thing. You know what I'm saying. So don't be afraid to show that opposite. You know what I'm saying To be all the way you, because ain't nobody hard all the time, bruh, ain't nobody one way all the time. Like, forget that, like be all the way you.

SYLVESTER:

And if you got somebody that wants you to be all the way you, she asking that you show this other side of you. It's not that she trying to change you or nothing like that. She want you to be. She's trying to encourage you to be the total you. And if you're having problems doing that, then again, ain't nothing wrong with therapy. Ain't nothing wrong because, like you say, it may have been something that happened in your past that's blocking you from being able to express yourself in this way, and that's not totally you. That's not the person. You was born. You know what I'm saying. Something happened along the way and then you start becoming somebody else. You know I'm saying, with that being blocked, not saying you ain't you, you, you. But it's like if you was like all of the you know all limbs, one of your limbs may be not getting all the circulation it need and so now you're not totally you.

JASMEKA:

I have a question for you Go ahead.

JASMEKA:

Because with me I get the teddy bear from you behind closed doors. But I'm trying to see if we can help some people, see if we could help some people, because maybe some people are in relationships that they don't feel they can be a teddy bear with you behind closed doors, in that macho man outside those doors, because you'll abuse it like you'll nigga. You cry, like you saw a few days, like you know they'll throw it back at you when you open up that side. So were you ever in a relationship where you just act like, I act like, but you was this, had to be this strong guy because you really couldn't let the guard down? I cry, I love, I hug, I have emotions, I show them.

SYLVESTER:

But with your person you can't. So you're saying it basically be a defense. Yeah, I still got my defenses up with the person I'm with because, you know, in fear of how they may use this against me. You know, I'm saying in public, when we do get in public ladies, I'm trying to help y'all.

SYLVESTER:

I'm indirectly telling y'all some, some men don't feel safe with y'all because how do you, you know, do you get vindictive when you get upset? That could be an issue Because, just like you know, y'all want respect, men want that respect, but it's kind of it's a lot different and that's one of the ways, right, if I show you myself behind closed doors, right, or in private, or even got to be behind closed doors, we could be out in public, but I'm only this way with you. You know what I'm saying, certain things I may say or do or whatever, or how I only move like this when I'm with you, then that's something that a woman has to know how to what. Back to how God made you right Be a nurturer of that Like. Take what that man is giving you and nurture it, like you wouldn't take your. Well, I hope so. I hope you wouldn't take your child. You know what I'm saying.

SYLVESTER:

And when you get mad, bash him up against the wall or throw him outside on the porch and kick him. That's what you're doing, actually, when that man gives you that side of him that he don't want everybody to know about. So you should be nurturing it. But then you get upset and then spray the man, spray him. You start letting stuff out telling people, even if he don't know about it. Even if you do that in conversation on the phone with your friends or with your mama or whoever, and he don't know that you be spraying him, you're still doing it and that's still violating that man.

JASMEKA:

So for y'all to put down a wall and be more affectionate. Y'all need to feel safe. Y'all need to feel trusted.

SYLVESTER:

We need to feel trusted, we need to know that we can be us and in order for y'all.

JASMEKA:

I just want to say something too. In order for y'all to get that respect that y'all looking for. It's vice versa. We want to be respected and we want to know that we're good.

SYLVESTER:

Okay.

JASMEKA:

To me it's just we all got the same needs, just like the basic needs they just look different. Yeah, they look different. We all got the same needs. We all need to be sheltered, fed, we need it, we need safety, shelter, all that. And then it's like in these relationships, relationships, y'all want respect, we want respect. I don't know if y'all want affection, but we want affection, we want affection, I don't know if y'all I don't know if y'all want money, but we want money.

JASMEKA:

like I don't know if y'all want security, but we want security, like because we're not just thinking for us, we're thinking for us and some children attached to us. So we may come off a little aggressive or a little too hard when we're afraid of, hey, our structure, our foundation getting a little shaky. Because we like security, we want to feel secure, we want to know that this is what it is. So y'all got to communicate that, yep, you're safe with me. You got to show us that you're safe with me and that's in many ways though that's financially, you're safe with me.

SYLVESTER:

And that's in many ways, though that's financially you're safe with me, that's emotionally you're safe with me. That's you know what I'm saying. But then you got seen a lot of cases where that man will be doing that. You know what I'm saying, especially emotionally you're safe with me. Meaning what you've shown me, what you've expressed to me, I ain't finna. Let nobody you know what I'm saying. I ain't finna right, men just tend to, for the most part, have this certain loyalty. You know we can be loyal to a fault.

SYLVESTER:

Oh we can be loyal to a fault, and I'm just saying the type of loyalty to where. Hold on, I'm saying the type Loy and I'm just saying the type of loyalty to where.

JASMEKA:

Hold on, I'm saying the type of Go ahead Loyal for too long, oh, oh.

SYLVESTER:

And so when you got a good man, I'm going to say Thank you. We're going to hold them secrets. We're going to hold all that stuff Whether we get mad or not.

JASMEKA:

This ain't something we finna be spewing out to the world.

SYLVESTER:

I agree with you on that, because we're upset, or even because you done spewed something out Like we ain't even finna, do the tip-a-tap thing with you. Like you, finna, spray me, so I'm finna spray you, type junk. Now, for some men I'm sure it can start that way, but then it end up getting that way because it just continue and you just like okay, I'm going to play this game too, which is not. We can't allow women to take us out of our masculine and get into a place where we responded out of our emotion.

JASMEKA:

Well, that's probably why Jesus never had us as a disciple. He had some women disciples. No, I'm talking about them three his inner circle. Oh, you mean the the three.

JASMEKA:

that was near and dear that went with him on the mountain, his inner circle, that was the inner inner. I'm going to agree. I think men hold our deepest secrets, deeper than we hold them. Like I'm going to have to agree with you on that. I feel safe sharing my most embarrassing moment with you over a female friend, a female family member. I just feel safe Like I've never heard nothing come out. I never heard it being thrown in my face. I never got you know. But that's you, that's a healthy man. I don't know that.

SYLVESTER:

But that's you? That's a healthy man? I don't know that's a healthy man. That's a healthy man?

JASMEKA:

I don't know, but y'all hold secrets, y'all are secret keepers. But then I would say but I need y'all to not be hiding y'all's secrets, because y'all such great secret keepers.

SYLVESTER:

But listen, I would also say that that's one of the reasons why men tend to die earlier than women too.

JASMEKA:

Because y'all holding all them secrets.

SYLVESTER:

Because we hold yeah.

JASMEKA:

That's because y'all don't want to release.

SYLVESTER:

We're holding emotions in. We're holding you know what I'm saying we holding all of this stuff in.

JASMEKA:

But y'all got to release, so we tend to die at an earlier rate.

SYLVESTER:

Y'all got to release. Sorry to die at an earlier rate.

JASMEKA:

Y'all got to release.

SYLVESTER:

We do got to release and to have a partner Not just I understand, I understand where you're going To have a partner we should have the availability to release in more than just physically, but to also release emotionally and to be able to release emotionally and to be able to release spiritually and be able to release mentally. You know what I'm saying. Like, these are releases that we need on every level, and having somebody that makes you feel comfortable with doing so is healthier for this man. Now, if you want to, you want to kill this man sooner, then don't promote that in your relationship. But if you want this man to live as long as you're living, then promote being open and sharing and make it feel safe for him. Create that space to where that man could express itself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

SYLVESTER:

You know what I'm saying In every way possible because, if not by default, we're going to hold that. You know what I'm saying. Like I said, we may have a home where it's something that we may do a little vent into, but for the most part, though, we're going to hold that and we're going to hold that and we're going to hold that, and that becomes a weight to where, the older we get, we become less and less, we become weaker and weaker and more frail, not just physically, but also emotionally, also mentally. And so these heavy things that you holding all of this time, as you get older, that stuff start weighing down on your mental and on your body and on your spirit, on your soul, because I was young and I could hold that before, but now that I'm getting older it's not healthy for me to be holding this stuff no more.

JASMEKA:

So, man, let's be healthy and man, let's stop giving our women and this ain't no bashing men bashing women, but just talking about how you're saying that men be holding stuff the abuse and trauma that these relationships put on some women. They be holding that too, Whether it's repetitive cheating, the lying, the deception, the abuse. They're holding that too. That's why we're Relationships 101, because we're the introduction, trying to intercept all that stuff that should have been talked about and discussed in the beginning. But women hold stuff too.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, y'all just don't hold it as long as us, though Y'all don't find an outlet.

JASMEKA:

They talk about it, but they've been in relationships for years. Yeah, holding it, yeah, holding it. We want people to be happy man.

JASMEKA:

And I definitely can't talk about all the things that women need, because I be here all day and I definitely can't talk about all the things that women need because I'd be here all day. You may got this group that say they just want their bills paid and some good this. Then you got that group who going to say I want honesty, I want him to be a millionaire. Millionaire ain't even no money, but let's crush that. I want this, I want that, I want that and it's just. We got a lot of needs and I think everyone looks different. So I can't speak to all relationships because all of them are custom made. Right. My relationship, I want honesty, I want trust, I want love, I want attention, I want affection.

SYLVESTER:

Need.

JASMEKA:

I need and want. Okay, I want good sex. Right, because there's just things I want, and I believe a lot of other women want it too. So we thank y'all for paying the bills, but we also need a hug and a kiss.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, and y'all need security.

JASMEKA:

We need security. We want to feel respected. We want to know your thoughts. We don't want to be left in the dark trying to assume how you're feeling, if you're happy with us, if you're satisfied. Sometimes we do want y'all to become my girlfriend. Be my best friend. Let me talk to you and just let me tell you this dumb thing that happened on the job today. Sometimes we need that, so just be an ear. We need your ears, your eyes, your nose, your mouth, your heart, your feet, your arms. We need it all. Y'all need it too.

SYLVESTER:

We do. Give it to us. Give it to us.

JASMEKA:

So yeah, if y'all got some other needs, put it down in the chat Because, listen, you could be helping another brother that's trying to make his relationship work. These are for our people that are trying to make it work.

SYLVESTER:

Or another sister.

JASMEKA:

Or another sister that could be like yeah, I do need that. How can I communicate that to him? This is all communicating your needs. So some people be like thank y'all for sharing that, because I shared it with my spouse because I didn't know how to say that that was my need. If you don't know how to say what your needs are you got to get creative. We live in an information era. You can find out. How can I say this to my spouse? And make sure you're not trying to request things of your spouse because you see it in another couple, if the man been ain't opening the door for you for 30 years, not saying you can't want it now because we changed, but just make sure your motives are right. Don't open my door because Sister Sue door get opened at the church and now when I'm leaving church and you only got to do it at church, just make sure you, peer man.

SYLVESTER:

Sister Sue going to get tired of you talking about her. I don't even know. I don't even know. Sister Sue, if you out there, please don't jump on my wife, sister, I don't even know what Sister Sue's doing. Don't catch her lacking, please, sister Sue.

JASMEKA:

Because I ain't all the way saved yet. I'm like I can't turn the other cheek. Yeah, this is all fun and games, but my point is don't be trying to put another woman's needs on your man. What are? Your needs right the only thing I'm putting on him is what I need and what I want.

SYLVESTER:

I'm not putting on him no other woman needs and let me say this too, though, also we talking needs, and what people, what we we need, what the man need, what the woman need, right, don't request something from somebody that you're not able to put out yourself.

JASMEKA:

Ooh.

SYLVESTER:

Right, I need this, I need that. Well, are you giving that?

JASMEKA:

Is it in your account If you ain't giving that?

SYLVESTER:

Are you making deposits You're going to have to shelf that need until you are able, until you actually got that in your storehouse, to give. Okay, giving you shelf, don't be talking about. I need patience, I need you to be more patient with me, but the record shows that you ain't. You don't give much patience. You don't give much patience. You don't show much patience.

JASMEKA:

I need you to be faithful, but you ain't giving up no stuff in the last seven months. What are they supposed to do Now if there's medical conditions? We're not talking about that. Don't try to be too analytic here. But you want him to be faithful, but you got to let him be acceptable.

SYLVESTER:

But you ain't faithful, because let me tell you one of the very interesting definitions I found about the word faithful it really means being consistent, meaning we started this way. You done stopped. Meaning you ain't been consistent. You ain't been faithful with the way that you were when we met you know what I'm saying when we agreed to get into this together, which means that if that has to do with and sometimes that has to do with sex, right, you're not being faithful. So then in turn, right, what you put out is what you get. And then now this man ended up not being faithful, and it's not really just a sex thing, it's anything you used to cook. Now you don't do that no more. That means you stop being faithful. Now that man ended up getting pulled away because some chick done made him some uh, bringing meals every day. You know what I'm saying? Bringing meals every day to the job, or something like with the plate. That's something you left open from your unfaithfulness.

JASMEKA:

I'm just saying we're just saying, and vice versa, just saying, close all the cracks, vice versa, close all the cracks.

SYLVESTER:

Vice versa.

JASMEKA:

Because sometimes we can't. I know I got to hurry up because of time, but sometimes we can't continue how we started. Just our example we were bunnies, it was just one child. Right example we was, we were bunnies, it was just one child, right.

JASMEKA:

But then, four kids later, four children later, we weren't um, we weren't bunnies, no more right like things change we kind of scheduled and made sure it happened and made you know, but all we're saying is close the gaps. Don't tell me he wasn't faithful, because we're going to ask you back in those consultation services what changed in you? Because it's not just or sometimes some men just have a cheating problem. You need to go to therapy. You need to. I don't know if it's pornography. I don't know if you started a little too soon. I don't know if you just like sex every day.

SYLVESTER:

We need to go, but talk about it though.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, we need to get some help.

SYLVESTER:

Talk about it with your spouse or with your partner. Let's talk, let's talk.

JASMEKA:

But let's grow, man.

SYLVESTER:

Let's keep growing.

JASMEKA:

We want committed relationships.

SYLVESTER:

That's it. We want good communication, we want good everything.

JASMEKA:

We live in examples, y'all. We're just trying to be committed.

SYLVESTER:

That's it.

JASMEKA:

Trying to maximize this thing.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, committed, that's it, trying to maximize this thing. Yeah, you know the options and even I'm gonna tell you, even doing this podcast, even doing this, um, we, we writing books. Uh, it's a book that that that I'm writing right now, that you know it's going to be a new york bestseller. I, I prophesy it.

SYLVESTER:

I agree, and when I get done with it, it's going to help a whole lot of us and I say us because as I'm writing it, it's helping me and her right now. You know what I'm saying Because it's challenging you. Whatever it is that you put out in the world is going to challenge you to become whatever it is that you so-called stand for, and we appreciate it. So thank God for the challenges.

JASMEKA:

We out.

SYLVESTER:

Peace, peace. Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.