WHAT A MAN NEEDS

What if the secret to a thriving relationship lies in admiration and respect? Our latest episode of Relationships 101 Podcast promises to uncover the core of what men truly need in relationships. Join us, Sylvester and JasMeka Wilson, as we explore how admiration should encompass much more than surface-level attributes, delving into the internal qualities that fuel lasting respect. Together, we confront the difficult challenges that arise when a partner's admiration wanes due to behaviors like laziness and dishonesty. We emphasize that both partners have a pivotal role in nurturing the qualities that initially sparked their admiration, ensuring a healthy, committed partnership.

Experience a deep dive into the power of words and the impact of past traumas in relationships. We discuss how some women, shaped by their past experiences, may weaponize their words, profoundly affecting their partners. Our conversation highlights the essential need for mutual respect and value and how crucial it is for men to articulate their needs and concerns. We shed light on the art of communication, focusing on the importance of sharing personal visions and dreams with discretion and trust. This heartfelt discussion underscores the need for mutual encouragement and support, both in private and public spheres, to foster a loving and supportive relationship. Tune in for insightful advice on creating a stronger bond with your partner.

Chapters

• 0:14 Understanding Men's Needs in Relationships
• 13:45 Verbalizing Needs in Relationships
• 27:38 Importance of Communication in Relationships

Transcript

SYLVESTER: 0:14

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast, your introduction to a healthy, committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA: 0:36

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER: 0:38

Yes, so glad you're here. So glad you're here.

JASMEKA: 0:42

You got me calling you Da Bae. What are we talking about today? The bae? The bae I meant today.

SYLVESTER: 0:48

Exactly what men like, what men need.

JASMEKA: 0:54

What y'all need.

SYLVESTER: 0:55

What we need. What do men need?

JASMEKA: 0:59

I'm going to ask all the tough questions.

SYLVESTER: 1:02

I got us, I got us Okay.

JASMEKA: 1:06

What y'all need. Let me ask Do all men know what they need?

SYLVESTER: 1:09

First of all no.

JASMEKA: 1:12

Thank you.

SYLVESTER: 1:14

Just like anybody else, all women don't know what they need, and that's where it starts the beginning of you getting what you want is you realizing what you need.

JASMEKA: 1:25

Okay, so what y'all need?

SYLVESTER: 1:30

Oh, you know what you need.

JASMEKA: 1:32

Besides the typical, cook them a meal and do your due.

SYLVESTER: 1:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely more than that. It's definitely more than that. Let me get serious. So men like to be admired. I mean we talking about from the woman, from the woman, their woman. We like to be admired and to me that says, look up to me, like, like, like, like. Look up to me, like, like, admire me, like we like to be, you know, respected. We like to feel respected by a woman. Um, uh, admire me like you would the professor at your, at your college. You know you feel like got all the answers to the test. So when I'm talking to you and we communicate in you, you know there's a look of admiration there, there's a, there's a, you know, not just because I'm sexy, but it's something that you realize that's inside this man that warrants that type of response to him.

JASMEKA: 2:44

The fellas got to have something to admire, though. Right, there has to be something we admire.

SYLVESTER: 2:49

Yeah, yeah, I think that's on a woman, I mean admiration ain't just granted Like going back to the professor.

JASMEKA: 2:57

he showed himself time and time again that he going to help me pass this test or level up in the career or my profession. So he's shown himself somebody worthy of admiration so it's like I think guys aren't getting the admiration that they are looking for, because what my sister's admiring?

SYLVESTER: 3:17

well, first of all, I mean, if we talking about uh, you know, we know some of y'all still single out there, if that's the case, then that just depends on the woman she would, if she finds something that she admire. You know different strokes for different folks. Me personally, I would rather her admire. You know what I possess internally as well as externally. But not just that, because what the Bible said, beauty is fleeting. Yeah, so if that goes away, I still should hold worth in your eyes, and men want that too. Men want that too. If you're single, then that's on that woman to see what she admire about you. If you're, if you're in a committed relationship, though, it's like OK, well, what did you admire about me from the jump? Because you've already chosen, you know what I'm saying. So it's like what did you admire about me before and like what? So let me ask like what? What would cause a woman Because obviously she, she admires something about a guy from the jump cause a woman? Because obviously she, she admires something about a guy from the jump.

JASMEKA: 4:28

But what would cause a woman to lose the admiration of the band that she chose when they're doing unadmirable things like either is lazy, don't work, cheater, liar, liar, not showing up, not being persistent, like that thing that I once admired. It's like was it even real? Because you know, in the beginning they put on a show, so you do admire the show, it's a good show, until I get in the program or I get with you and it's like oh, this thing that I admired or I really wanted to be in it ain't what it all set up to be. So that's when that admiration starts to but does it make it?

SYLVESTER: 5:14

but do you think it makes a difference as to what that woman admires, because whether it's internal or external, do you think that makes a difference in what changes about her admiration?

JASMEKA: 5:25

Repeat Tell me, say the question.

SYLVESTER: 5:35

You say her admiration changes due to you know some things that he may have displayed, you know some unadmirable behaviors or whatever. But I'm saying like, do you think that depends on what she admired about the guy? What she admired about the guy whether it was internal, external, whether it was just you know, something that was physical or something that was more so internal?

JASMEKA: 5:51

I just think she admired what she saw in the beginning and it's just it's not there, like it's no longer there, or forget that. She probably admired you as a person early on, but then your flaws and your imperfection started to speak louder than what she admired. So that changes it too. I just think admiration and respect go hand in hand with who you are. Like, I'm not going to admire anything or anyone if they're not giving me something to look up to or to admire. So I think guys walk around saying, oh, I want my wife to admire me, but it's like, tell me what? Like, what about her? What about yourself? That you want to be admired?

JASMEKA: 6:33

Because it's easy for somebody to come on the outside and admire you guys or admire the guy because they really don't see the flaws. They don't see the flaws, they don't see the imperfection, they don't see what you're doing wrong. But you know, in regards to the wife or the fiance or the girlfriend that's living with you and see all that, so the admiration gonna be different. That's a stranger admiring who you are. I'm an insider that know who you truly, truly are.

SYLVESTER: 7:01

So let me ask you this Is admiration only for strangers, because you no, I believe you should admire the person you're with.

JASMEKA: 7:12

Like you know, I admire you, I admire your drive. I think there should be some admiration, but what I'm saying is that can just it can be taken away.

SYLVESTER: 7:21

You're just talking about how it could change.

JASMEKA: 7:23

Yeah, it could change.

SYLVESTER: 7:24

Yeah, that was the question.

JASMEKA: 7:27

It's like admiration out the door, respect out the door, love out the door, these stuff they're fleeting Like they change. So you got to work with it Word, but no, I hear you man want to be admired, got it?

SYLVESTER: 7:40

Men want to be admired. Men want to be admired. Men want to be adored, and what that means to me is more so. I mean there is a level of nurturing and adoration it really is. It says you know you want me.

JASMEKA: 7:59

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER: 8:01

And unpopular to. I mean, what's the other one I want to say?

JASMEKA: 8:06

I love that you think I be in your brain but you be like what was the song called?

SYLVESTER: 8:12

All right, so look contrary that's what I got to say Contrary to popular belief and due to an old I feel like it's an old system of thinking when it comes to men, there's actually a new system now in place, and I'm going to share that with y'all. When it comes to men, see the old way, some things done, changed. You know what I'm saying. It used to be okay. A man wants to be needed, he wants to know that he's needed by the woman, and all of that, but I'm going to share something new with y'all. Okay, give you a little insight. Come a little closer. Men actually need to be wanted, right, they need to know that they're wanted, because being needed is something that's second nature to a man, like from the time we little boys our mama calling us because she need this done or that done, or whatever the case is. So being needed is not something that we even shy away from. That makes us feel like yeah, definitely makes us feel like a man.

SYLVESTER: 9:22

However, being wanted, though, makes us feel like yours, if that makes sense it does you know I'm saying being wanted, being needed, makes us feel like a man, but being wanted makes us feel like your man that's granted, and we, we want to, you know, feel we want to be adored and feel wanted too. Definitely. So then what else we got? What you got? Men want to be, they want to be trusted, they want to feel trusted.

JASMEKA: 10:23

I hate that for y'all. Y'all gotta work overtime for that trust, especially with all these. Still, you think so what?

SYLVESTER: 10:28

You think so I?

JASMEKA: 10:29

gotta work extra hard with all these. You think so, what you think so I gotta work extra hard with all these. Oh, all men cheat. All men are dogs. The women be having a family in this, yeah.

SYLVESTER: 10:41

I ain't never heard all women are dogs, all women cheat. I've never heard those sayings before in our society and that, yeah, that's something, that that's something to kind of have to fight against. Yeah.

JASMEKA: 10:52

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER: 10:53

I see what you're saying. So men want to feel trusted. They really do, and what that says to a man is what that says is that it says follow me. When a man feels trusted, it says follow me Like you have no problem following me, following my lead. Not just trust it in a sense that you know they may cheat on you or something like that, but trust my word, trust my, my, my, my lead.

JASMEKA: 11:23

Women. Women want to like, especially with this soft girl era, like a lot of women are like, I'm just ready to turn this off and turn on my soft girl era. So it is, you know, it's women out there that want a man to come in and lead. I think the struggle is a lot of guys don't know how to lead where they're leading them to.

SYLVESTER: 11:50

True that, true that. Let me say this before we get too far off too on the on the aspect of a man wanting or needing to be wanted as well, um, I think a lot of women have like it's like women, I got so used to that men playing that role and not saying like y'all meeting and all of that.

JASMEKA: 12:10

What.

SYLVESTER: 12:12

Just men, like a man is dead, or fulfill a need, type of uh type of mindset. Um, I think it's kind of like like men, women have kind of like put us in a box, to where like a toolbox, so to speak, and it's like treat us like a toolbox, so to speak, and it's like treat us like a tool. Depending on what they need, what need they need to be fulfilled, you're going to pull out that particular tool to get that done, right, whether that's to pay a bill, some of y'all oh yeah, that hammer in there. It's hammer time.

JASMEKA: 12:51

Sorry, babe, you know they pull, that they go ahead's hammer time, sorry babe.

SYLVESTER: 12:53

And uh, you know they pull that, they go ahead and pull that tool out and just for that. But then outside of fulfilling the need, that's all the man. That's all the man is feeling like he's, he's there for and that ain't that ain't because you don't tell a hammer thank you, you don't.

SYLVESTER: 13:09

You don't tell a, um, a wrench thank you, or express to a wrench or a screwdriver uh, uh, how grateful you are and appreciative you are towards it. You know what I'm saying. You just don't, you're gonna grab it the same way. All right, and um, I like to say that the way that you handle a paper cup is different from the way that you would handle a piece of crystal, you know, a crystal glass, or something that has more value to it, and if you're that man's woman, he's looking to you for that. Of women.

SYLVESTER: 13:47

Uh, y'all, y'all, you know you got some women that come out of like verbal abusive, verbally abusive, maybe households or prior relationships or whatever, and they become very good with that mouth. Real good, I'm talking about in a lot of ways, but the way that we don't like they come real, they use their mouth as their words, as a real good. We're using their words as, as weapons and being very verbally abusive because they haven't healed yet, and so they bring that into the relationship and don't realize, though, that the same, like the same thing, that same insult you can give a man, or a man that can, or the same insult I can get from anybody else, f, whatever you want to call it, right, it's not going to hit the same coming from my woman, you know, I could take that from anybody else Like, really Like but coming from her is way different. And why? Because there is a, there's a position that you hold as my woman, as his woman. That's a position you hold. That means a lot, it carries a lot of weight and it carries a lot of power and authority to it. So you actually have the authority to either, with this thing right here, tear that man down or build that man up.

SYLVESTER: 15:15

I'm telling you, it's so crazy. You could even be lying to me. You could be lying through your teeth and say, boy, you were the greatest. You would just fill me up with all type of little lies, right? But guess what? I'm going to take that to heart as your man and I'm going to step out and walk like I got a cape on my back. And I'm going to take that to heart as your man and I'm going to step out and walk like I got a cape on my back and I'm Superman. I can't be beat. You know what I'm saying. And that's the authority that the woman, your woman right, has over the man.

JASMEKA: 15:46

But I think people can't be out here because I'm going to use the analogy you used earlier the paper cup and the crystal. You can't men can't expect to be held like they're a crystal when they're a paper cup, like.

SYLVESTER: 16:03

So I got to treat you to.

JASMEKA: 16:04

you know the value that you yeah they're going to treat women, treat men on the value that they give. If you give them paper cup, they're going to trash you with their mouth, with their actions with their deeds Okay. But if you giving nah, this man good Like I'm going to cherish this, protect this, hold this dear to my heart, fight about it, then that's how they going to hold you. So I think the problem with men anybody in particular, but since we're speaking about men, problem with men anybody in particular.

JASMEKA: 16:31

But since we're speaking about men, I think in order to see these things that y'all saying, y'all need like admire us, cherish us, respect us, love on us, need us, want us. It's all great, it's all human, same thing we want, but I think male and female need to have characteristics worth doing all these things for I mean first of all.

SYLVESTER: 16:55

I mean I feel like if the person ain't had it like, you shouldn't even be with that person, like what even got you with them in the first place is what I'm saying like?

JASMEKA: 17:03

87 percent of relationships, according to jazz that y'all gotta listen. There's always a segment in this thing where I'm throwing some jazz stacks, meaning it is not a research. 87, I think 87% of people are in relationships with somebody they don't want to be with.

SYLVESTER: 17:19

Mm, because they may have it, might the wrong thing.

JASMEKA: 17:22

Or they just afraid to leave, or they're religious bound and say God say we cannot divorce, or if I divorce I can't get remarried, or I have too many children. I'm not coming for divorce. My point in saying is there's a lot of unhealthy relationships out there, but that's why we're here, like we're here to save, because who wants to live in bondage? When you were just saying, oh, I think, guys, we're seen as a toolbox, you just pull out the tool that you need. I felt sorry for guys because that analogy was like oh, somebody just and women feel that way too. You got some women that feel like, oh, he only love me when he want to have sex, or he only with me to take care of these kids. So everybody has that same cry.

SYLVESTER: 18:13

But I think it needs to be.

JASMEKA: 18:16

I think it needs to be verbalized because, yeah, that's tough. Don't use me as no hammer and then a screwdriver the next day and then a nail the next day.

SYLVESTER: 18:26

I mean the reason why we did and the reason why this is my toolbox, the Home Depot. And do what?

JASMEKA: 18:33

Return it, return no.

SYLVESTER: 18:37

The reason why this episode is so and I hear you like you just need to be verbalized. But the reason why this episode is so important is because men don't usually verbalize, you know, I'm saying so, so it's a lot of things that need to be verbalized that only that woman, for the most part, only that woman is going to actually be verbalizing and that's why we be seen as naggers um you know she always tripping man.

JASMEKA: 18:59

No, she's telling you what she want. Like we verbalize our needs, our concerns, our fears and you guys just thug it out.

SYLVESTER: 19:11

Nah, fellas, we got to get better with verbalizing it, because before you go do something crazy, before you go, cheat on her, before you go, you know what I'm saying. Step out and do anything crazy, man, like hurt yourself, hurt somebody, like make sure that you covered all your bases. Absolutely Don't do it at all is what I would say. But I'm just saying, bro, make sure you did all that you can do, that you verbalize this, that you I'm talking not just once. Well, I told you that one time. Like, how important is this to you? How important is it that you get it? You know what I'm saying. I would rather continue to verbalize this until I just until she done made it clear that she don't care. She don't care, she's not responding to what I'm saying. So then, okay, but a lot of us, we ain't saying nothing. You know what I'm saying. We'll go vent our homeboy before we even take it to that woman and say something to her. And just like I always say, though, like when we arguing ain't the best time, that ain't the best time to actually like, bring up something. When you mad, that ain't the best time, and now you want to bring this up? And bring that up. Wait till y'all Bring up something, when you mad that ain't the best time and now you want to bring this up and bring that up, bring it. Wait till y'all. Wait till we good. Wait till we good. You good at not saying nothing already, bro, so just don't say nothing and then wait till we good, and it's laughy, laughy and taffy, taffy, and then you bring it up.

SYLVESTER: 20:35

Hey, you remember the other day, that was crazy why you did that. That was crazy. I really felt like you really tried me. Oh, you know what, bae. You know what I would really like, though, man, I appreciate our relationship, but if you could just love on me a little bit more, man, just tell me how great you think I am. Do you think I'm great? Do you think I'm great? And this is why we in a joking mood? You understand what I'm great, do you think I'm great? And this is why we in a joking mood? You understand what I'm saying. So then, that way the person is better at receiving what you're saying and they're not seeing it as an attack.

JASMEKA: 21:09

And that don't make you weak, because I think, I don't know, I'm not a guy, I'm not even going to try to act like that.

SYLVESTER: 21:16

You sure ain't no guy. You sure ain't no guy.

JASMEKA: 21:18

But but I feel like y'all don't verbalize it because y'all feel weak, like I can't express my emotions. I can't let her know. This bothered me.

SYLVESTER: 21:29

I can't let her know I'm triggered.

JASMEKA: 21:31

You better let her know, because guess what, if you don't let her know, it's going to continue. How do I know that by me, putting your meal on a plastic plate was offensive and you ain't eating off no plastic plate and I just keep bringing a plastic plate? Exactly nothing's gonna change until you tell me. So I think, um, yeah, you helping the sisters know what a brother need, who, listening, like okay, I'm, I'm gonna admire him, I'm gonna respect them, I'm love on them. But I also think the guys that they're in a relationship with need to verbalize that, because every man is different. One man might say I don't want her touching on me like that, like that ain't even my thing, like don't be lovey-dovey on me Right right.

SYLVESTER: 22:16

So, it looks different. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it looks different. Whatever you need, but, like you said at the beginning, like, do you even know what you need? You know what I'm saying as a man, even as a woman, but we're talking about the men right now. Do you even know what you need? Have you really identified that enough and took enough time to process that with yourself, for yourself, so that you could be able to verbalize that? Because don't just be walking around disgruntled and with attitude and getting mad about like little, petty, little stuff. No, sit down long enough, process what really got you mad so that you can be able to verbalize this Nigga, get in the mirror if you need to, and practice it.

SYLVESTER: 22:58

I need you to support me, I really need. I need you to caress me and no for real dog because, as men, like sometimes, we're not even used to, nor are we comfortable expressing feelings, like saying feelings, so practice it yourself first. But if she don't know, then, bro, what you expect her to do, read your. We say that all the time about them. You got to put the order in if you want it to get fulfilled At the least bit, even if you end up realizing that she don't care.

JASMEKA: 23:36

At least you know.

SYLVESTER: 23:36

Then you know what move to make next. You know what I'm saying, but you ain't still sitting there, like you say, in a cage, caged relationship, not expressing yourself, and then somebody get to say that, oh, but you never said, don't let that be the excuse, let the excuse, let it be known that I express myself, but you just ain't care, not one time, because how much does it mean to you? You know what I'm saying. Say it again and again and find a different way to say it, because she might be a little blonde, you might have married a little blondie, we don't know. So make sure you find other ways to bring it to her and make sure that the temperature is good enough so she can be able to receive it. What else you want to ask me? Something else? What?

JASMEKA: 24:30

She might be a little blonde, okay, she just might be a little slower to process things at times.

SYLVESTER: 24:39

Oh, is that what that is?

JASMEKA: 24:41

But what other ways we need support?

SYLVESTER: 24:43

We need support. We need support.

JASMEKA: 24:46

I was just about to say we had a conversation.

SYLVESTER: 24:48

We need support.

JASMEKA: 24:51

And I feel like you weren't coming with it.

SYLVESTER: 24:52

Like a bra. We need support. Y'all need support, right? Well, nowadays y'all don't need support Because Victoria's Secret about to go out of business, what? Nobody don't wear bras, no more. No bras, no panties. Nobody's wearing underclothes. So maybe y'all don't need support no more, but we still need it. Fellas, we still need support. I'm done. I'm done y'all. And like you were saying before, let's go back to what you were saying about the fact that some men don't even come with nothing for you to follow.

JASMEKA: 25:27

Right.

SYLVESTER: 25:28

Right, it's like follow what what you mean. Follow what. Follow you into becoming an alcoholic. Follow you into what Becoming a wee head. Follow you into what bruh, you know what I'm saying. Like you ain't came out of the bondage that you was in for me to say okay, it's okay to follow you. You know what I'm saying. So, man, let's make sure that you done mastered whatever demons that may be in your past.

JASMEKA: 25:57

I want to share a quick story, though, with the support. Okay, no, just how. When we had a conversation around support and how you were saying, as men, I have this friend that I go to for that, I have this friend where I talk about this, I have that friend that I, you know, cover this with, but with my wife, with you, I want to come to you with everything, like, I want to be able to talk to you about everything, not just certain topics. So I think, um, just pointing out like what type of support a man may want, okay, I felt like that was important to mention the spiritual support the mental support, emotional support, financial support so what I was saying was I got home, you may have friends like us dudes.

SYLVESTER: 26:44

We may have a friend too that we can vent certain things to, or even that we could. You got vision. You got to come with vision. So that's the answer to what you're saying about some men ain't coming with nothing to follow. So what the women are saying is that where's the vision? Fellas? You know what I'm saying. Where's the vision? Give me something to follow, give me something to support you in. It goes into support too. You got to be able to we got to be able to, to get that out. We got to be able to tell somebody. We got to be able to say that thing you know what I'm saying and put it out into the atmosphere. We got to be able to do that. We can't keep that bound in because we'll implode with that vision in us.

SYLVESTER: 27:39

And so I might have a friend that I can talk about music to. I may have a friend I can talk about this particular piece of vision with. I may have a friend I can talk about that particular piece of vision with right, and nobody really gets the full vision. It depends on what our relationship is right. It's on a need to know basis. That's me being responsible with the vision that I was given by God, right, but with my wife you get everything.

SYLVESTER: 28:07

You know what I'm saying. Like it ain't no part of it that I feel like or should feel like that I can't discuss with you, right, because I look to you for everything that you are a nurturer, you know. I may, I may, provide some infrastructure, right, speaking business-wise and even family-wise. I may be able to provide some infrastructure, but you provide the structure. There's a role, everything that you are. I'm bringing it to you so that you could provide me with that, or even to just hear it out. Sometimes we just need to just let it, just let it out. You know what I'm saying, and so that that's and that's how important that woman is.

JASMEKA: 28:55

Well, I'm going to end on it, and and and share, uh, what I feel, what we feel All men need.

SYLVESTER: 29:03

Hold on, I ain't finished Beta.

JASMEKA: 29:05

your phone only got a minute left.

SYLVESTER: 29:06

No, but let me tell them, I think we need.

JASMEKA: 29:09

I'm sorry y'all Proud. Okay, y'all, Please pray for me. There you go.

SYLVESTER: 29:13

You know, pray for me, support me, pray for me. What else? Don't curse me, right? That means bless me. That's what your mouth, right, as well as other ways, speak well of me, Not just to me, but also in public with your friends, right, because we know. We know how that is. So what would you? I'm sorry.

JASMEKA: 29:39

No, I was about to say that because I'm sure your phone Start recording us y'all and we out, hey, hey.

SYLVESTER: 29:59

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.