Relationships101Podcast

NOTHING BETWEEN US PT. 4: Managing Mental Health in Marriage

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 19

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Have you ever wondered how mental health impacts your most intimate relationships? Join us for an eye-opening episode of Relationships 101 Podcast, where we unearth the profound effects of mental health on committed relationships. Our courageous co-host, JasMeka, bravely shares her ongoing battle with anxiety and the effective coping mechanisms she relies on—from soothing nature walks to the calming practice of writing. Together, we unpack the critical importance of open communication and unfaltering support in nurturing a marriage touched by mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. Through heartfelt reflections, we emphasize the necessity of showing empathy and care rather than casting blame.

Practical solutions are at the forefront of this conversation. We delve into actionable steps for addressing mental health issues, highlighting the importance of consulting primary doctors or therapists and exploring affordable resources such as Better Health and local college interns. Discover why untreated mental health problems can wreak havoc on relationships and day-to-day life, and learn about the potential benefits of medication for regaining control. We also explore the intricate link between mental health and substance abuse and recommend healthier alternatives like connecting with trusted friends. Misconceptions about mental illness are dispelled, and strategies for managing "automatic negative thoughts" (ants) are shared to help foster healthier, supportive environments.

Finally, we tackle an often-overlooked aspect of mental health in relationships: setting boundaries and recognizing that financial stability does not necessarily translate to emotional or spiritual well-being. We discuss the essential role of self-awareness and professional help in maintaining a balanced mental state. From the dating phase to long-term commitments, addressing mental health is crucial for building healthy individuals, couples, families, and communities. Tune in for invaluable insights and practical advice aimed at fortifying your relationships and fostering a healthier society. Join us on this journey toward creating thriving connections and a more supportive world.

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SYLVESTER:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast, your introduction to a committed relationship. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JASMEKA:

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, pretty in pink y'all.

JASMEKA:

Today.

SYLVESTER:

Today, today, today, today, now, one of five people, one of five, suffer from mental health issues.

JASMEKA:

So if it's five people in a group, one out of the one, there might be somebody suffering.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, one of them five.

JASMEKA:

We're a family of six.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, so that means one of us in here.

JASMEKA:

One of us in here, one One. One of us in here, at least one of us, at least one of us. So today's episode y'all know we on that series of nothing can come in between us and we know that mental health is something that's kind of neglected in our community, but we're more aware of it and they talk about it, but it's definitely something that can get in the way of a healthy and committed relationship, whether that's depression, um, stopping the sex drive.

JASMEKA:

You don't want to perform, you don't want nothing, you don't want to do nothing yeah or your communication I was about to say, or anxiety hitting that communication, and now I'm coming off aggressive and strong. Yeah, I'm the one of five. Let me tell you something. Anxiety tries to hunt me down, like when I say every day I gotta wake up and decide no, I'm not gonna be anxious for nothing. Through prayer, I'm gonna make this request be known anxiety leave, like it's something that and I probably everybody may feel like they have a little sense of anxiety, but the anxiety, um that I'm speaking of, it ain't that little stuff it's yeah, because everybody, everybody needs a.

SYLVESTER:

we've learned everybody needs a little bit of anxiety. It's not. It's anxiety. It's not like anxiety itself is evil, it's bad. No, it's in there for a reason it helps us make better decisions, keep us on our toes. However, it's the imbalance, meaning you done took too far over on the spectrum, you're doing too much now.

JASMEKA:

So some days, that little bit of anxiety that we're supposed to have turned into a lot for me. So I am the one in the family I'm not medically diagnosed but I know that okay, this anxiety that I'm feeling right now is above average. It's a little too much I need to calm down. You know, I have my own things that I do to help me when I'm feeling those moments.

SYLVESTER:

But today, today- let's talk about what helps you, though.

JASMEKA:

Walking, soaking in a tub, writing it down, um, getting it out of my head. So that's what it'd be with me when it's in my head, my thoughts are racing, I'm anxious, I'm worried. So once I write it down and make a plan, it's like okay, this is a to-do list, this is the time I'm going to do it and I feel better. Or it's you rubbing me down or me drinking some tea. I already said going for a walk, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I already said going for a walk.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got different tricks and tools, or it's even cleaning up the house, like sometimes I could be anxious and I would clean this house spotless, just to clear the clutter in my mind and I feel like, let me clear the clutter around me, my environment, so that I'll be okay.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, that I'll be okay. Okay. So, when you're dealing with a spouse that may have any form of mental illness, whether it be anxiety, whether it be depression, whether it be schizophrenia, whether it be any one of these things, any of these things, he bipolar. Right, right, right he bipolar. Am I missing anything?

JASMEKA:

They got another one. Oh, he's a narcissist.

SYLVESTER:

Narcissism, that's actually one. If you have a spouse that you think may be dealing with any one of these, the first thing you could do is talk to them, see if it's something that probably try to help them realize it too. Right is talk to them, uh, see if it's something that that you know probably try to help them realize it too Right.

SYLVESTER:

Cause if you're, when you're in it right, you know when you're in it you're the last one to know. So, um, let's talk, let's have that conversation. Uh, is it some things that may have led to this? Do you? Do you think that you actually like this may be an issue, something that's kind of tipping over from just being a little bit like you said? To something that I need to intentionally make sure that I'm combating um? And if that's the case, let's, let's, let's. Start with what primary? What were you, the expert in this? What would you think?

JASMEKA:

first the Like when you came, I want to say maybe four years ago, he was like bae, you got to get control of anxiety and I'm like I don't have anxiety, I don't suffer from that, like I'm just adamant. And you kept bringing it to my attention. But you did it in grace. You didn't name, call or be like you suffer from anxiety, you sick, there's something wrong with you. You made it. It was like, hey, bae, this is a thing, this is a problem. Beware of it. I'm here to support you. And I did reach out. A therapist needs a anxiety. But I went because you know some stuff was flaring up in me that needed to be addressed. But, um, yeah, I gotta that person gotta know that their spouse really care about their wellbeing and they're not just trying to say you're the problem, fix you.

SYLVESTER:

Right, and I think it goes back to that, saying that, uh, you know, a person doesn't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

JASMEKA:

and so it's like, yeah, you trying to tell me what's wrong with me, but I don't think it's coming from a place of love and care, you know I'm saying and I also think is um, how you like how you say it, like if me and you in an argument and you're trying to say this argument is happening because of the anxiety that I may be feeling in that moment, but in reality you did something that really caused me to be anxious, where you probably was late picking up the kids. So now it's like I'm snapping for a real issue like this is a real situation, not just anxiety. So if you're gonna try to use, hey, I think you should go get help for this particular thing. Don't do it in an argument where you're trying to say this argument is happening because of this issue that I may be up against right.

SYLVESTER:

I mean, I'm a firm believer in. I'm a firm believer in not bringing up an issue in the heat of the moment. Not bringing up an issue when I know that I'm already upset about something I don't feel like. For some reason, we feel like that's the perfect time to bring it up, right, because that button has been pressed. That's not the best time, or at all, to bring it up.

SYLVESTER:

It's like we have more times together when we're not arguing, when we're not in a heated debate, or when we ain't mad at each other.

SYLVESTER:

There's more times like that that we have than times when we are actually mad at each other. There's more times like that that we have than times when we are actually mad at each other or as heated, right? So why not pick one of the times when there's one of those times to say, hey, you know, you tried me the other day, dog, you know what I'm saying, right, while we laughing? You know what I'm saying, why we laughing? You tried me the other day, dog, and you like, wow, what you mean. And then we had that little talk out right then and there, but it's in a lighthearted environment, not something that's already heated, and I feel like the other person is more available at that point, in that type of attitude, to receive what it is that you're saying and y'all can have a healthy dialogue about it. Um, kind of the difference between having a argument versus having a discussion right you know what I'm saying, so um.

JASMEKA:

I think we live in a um, an era where everybody's self-diagnosing yeah, so it's like the word really don't weigh much because everybody use it loosely. Girl, this anxiety ain't the best of me and it's like people are really out there having panic attacks. Thank God I'm not at that level, but like it's a real thing. Or, girl, I feel depressed. You feel depressed because you ain't got $20 to get your hair done well, hairdos ain't $20, but you feel depressed because you ain't got no money to get your hair done. Like I just feel, like it's you slightly so that when you mention it to your spouse they don't know if it's just one of those moments or this is a serious moment.

SYLVESTER:

Right, right, we got to stop downplaying and making it such a. Yeah, we should be making mental health a part of our culture. Right To talk, to have that discussion, how are you mentally? But not just to say, you know, use these words and make them mean nothing. You got to use these words but attach some solution to that. So what are you doing with it? It's not something that you're supposed to actually keep. Oh my anxiety, oh my depression. First of all, you take an ownership. Tell me about my. Come on, what are you, johnny Gill? Who's that? My, my, my, my, my, my.

SYLVESTER:

Anxiety ain't mine baby you know what I'm saying, like that's not yours, but if you're dealing with it, let's find solutions and take care of that, instead of buying that bag for all that money, instead of, uh, not saying, don't get your hat done, please maintain yourself, however, putting that above. Like you, could, you could. You could do something that costs a little less and then spend a little bit of money on um personal on going to some therapy or or or you know what I'm saying going to get a massage.

SYLVESTER:

It's a lot of people that don't even go do stuff like that, just getting a massage. That's good for your mental health. Where are the solutions? We can identify the problems very easily, but the solutions we just feel like, because we identified the problem, that's the solution. It's not. That's the beginning listen y'all.

JASMEKA:

We're not trying to bash y'all and be like hey, stop doing this, stop doing this. But we are tired of seeing this spouse murdered, this spouse like okay, y'all ain't see the signs? Heartbreaking it wasn't no mental moment in the relationship that you seen a. This person possibly got a problem right and in those times, if you did advise him, hey, I think you should seek help. It comes a time when you gotta choose. This is you either gonna get some help or your girl out of here?

SYLVESTER:

Right. So if you find yourself dealing with, what should you do? If you find yourself dealing with a spouse who you think may have some mental issues you said primary, but you wouldn't do primary doctor first what would you do?

JASMEKA:

Yeah, they could go to their primary doctor and she's just going to refer, not just she's going to refer them to a psychiatrist. And that's what some people stop at because they don't want the medication. And that's okay if you're not at the level where you need to be medicated. But you do need to look up strategies that, okay, I'm not going to do the medicine, but I got to replace this with something. Whether it's yoga, the massages, walks, you have to replace it. So people, you know I think they run away when they hear psychiatrists yes, psychiatrists give medicine.

JASMEKA:

No, therapists do not give medicine. Therapists will hear you out and try to guide you and navigate all the thoughts. That's in our mind. You don't have to do it alone. So my first step is yeah, go to your primary doctor or reach out to a therapist. Better Health, they do therapy for a low fee. You can be like hey, I only make $700 every two weeks. They may give you therapy for $20 every session. Or you find a local college where there's grad students. They got to complete these intern hours and they'll do it for maybe $5, $10. When I was in school it was five dollars. I don't know what. It is not cost changing.

JASMEKA:

But there are solutions like, let's stop sitting around sitting in a room just talking about depression, like that. Stuff affect people that you are connected with. Right, it affects them, whether it's you're depressed and you're sleeping all day now, when your spouse come home, he coming home to a dirty house or no fool like we have to deal with these issues, and some issues do need to be medicated. Sorry to say yeah, we live in a society where I ain't taking no medication. That medication just make you suicidal. Listen, you killing yourself whether you take it or you don't take it. You killing relationships. You killing progress in your life. So some things do need medication and I'm not opposed to it.

SYLVESTER:

At least sometimes. At least sometimes a medication can at least help you get it under control Right, so that then you can start to practice some more holistic things, some more natural things, you know.

JASMEKA:

so mental health untreated, is real, like when you start seeing people dabble into substance abuse. That's because there are some underlying issues. Whether that person is anxious, whether they're depressed, they're self-medicating with substances. So we can replace some of those substances with some practical stuff. Walking is free, talking to your best friend that you trust is free. There is some stuff to do, but it's sad in us man to hear this one killed that one, this one ran that one over, like we're mentally unstable.

SYLVESTER:

The mama the other week drove in the lake with the kids in the car.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, oh, so her going to court was this week, but that happened maybe some months ago.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, yeah, and she ended up not dying. You happened maybe some months ago, yeah, yeah, and she ended up not dying. You know, mm-hmm? Yeah, and listen y'all.

JASMEKA:

Mental health don't mean like having a mental illness doesn't mean I'm a bad person, I'm not okay. Sometimes that's in our family history, it's in our genetics. It's nothing we can do. We was just born with this thing and now we got to control it. Some of us were abused as kids. We couldn't control the abuse, so now we got all these PTSD moments, post-traumatic stress moments. You're not the problem. Or you had a previous mental health issue that goes back to that substance abuse. First you started with depression. Now you're addicted to substances and you just add and own stuff. Or you got a lack of healthy relationships. You don't have an immediate circle that you can go to. So now you're struggling, you depressed, you worry, you suicidal, or sometimes life. Life happens and it makes us, it turns us.

SYLVESTER:

Life, life, life.

JASMEKA:

We got to make sure.

SYLVESTER:

We got strategies too.

JASMEKA:

Mental health is not getting in the way of our marriage. I'm fighting daily for y'all, daily, daily, daily dating. I got to make sure anxiety stay out my front door. It ain't welcome here. Anxiety is these things that appear so real, like it's false, false reality appearing real. My mind. Tell me, if Jamarcus go outside, oh my gosh, I hope an accident don't happen. That's anxiety Like kill that thought In our home. I love how we got the ants thing.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, but before you say it, wait, don't say the ants yet. I just want to correct your acronym for you know false evidence appearing real.

JASMEKA:

That's fear, but I wasn't going for fear I was going for anxiety. Baby, you have a false reality.

SYLVESTER:

Okay, okay.

JASMEKA:

It's fake.

SYLVESTER:

Respect and it appears real. Respect.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you tried to do the fear. This ain't fear, listen, anybody dealing with anxiety.

SYLVESTER:

I firmly apologize. I don't want nobody coming after me.

JASMEKA:

But he wanted to share his acronym for fear.

SYLVESTER:

Okay.

JASMEKA:

That's what you wanted to do, what it?

SYLVESTER:

is. I mean because I know it is, because what I do understand is that it is fear, it's fear.

JASMEKA:

We're afraid of something.

SYLVESTER:

What it is, it is fear the root of that. It's fear that's played over and over, and over and over again. Right, that's played over and over, and over and over again.

JASMEKA:

Right. So what it is? Repeat it one more time.

SYLVESTER:

False evidence appearing real.

JASMEKA:

Okay, so we twin it, we want it.

SYLVESTER:

So what's the acronym for Stop me when?

JASMEKA:

I was in the middle, ants In the middle of it. Thank you, ants. So we got a thing in our house where if you seeing something negative, or you having a negative thought, or you somebody walk by and you judging them, we're like kill the ant. It's an automatic negative thought. So we, you know, we create an environment where we making sure our mental health is in check our mental health is in check, but um and it starts.

SYLVESTER:

It starts with with being able to recognize these things, and not just act like they normal.

SYLVESTER:

It's not normal for you not to be okay. That's not normal. I know it's a lot of people around us that's not okay. Okay, we get it right. I'm not okay now. After that. We got to see um, we got to see solutions, we got to see strategies. There's some things also that because if you're that's the thing, if you're going through something as someone with a mental health issue, then you better believe that whoever that is connected to you your spouse, that person in that committed relationship who said they're not leaving they there with you, they riding with you, they going, not leaving they there with you, they riding with you, they going through a whole lot too, absolutely, and there's some things that they also have to be doing to make sure that they don't actually be the you know.

JASMEKA:

The punching bag.

SYLVESTER:

Right, or the one who punching too, I mean just to make sure that it stays healthy, mm-hmm. Because so one of the things is, you know, being a safe space, being a safe space for that person, maintaining your patience, mm-hmm. Being nonjudgmental I didn't tell you a lot of that, huh, I ain't here to judge. Being nonjudgmental I didn't tell you a lot of that. Huh, I didn't hear the judge. Being nonjudgmental, right, and validating, validating that person.

SYLVESTER:

It's easy to tell that person and point out to that person how they tripping and how they fail. Right, how they failed and how they failed. And yeah, you tripping, it really got you that time, and da-da-da. But yeah, how hard is it to validate the person, knowing that they got this issue going on? Tell them something else. Tell them how they didn't fail. I'm not saying lie to them, but there's times that they didn't fail. So let's pay attention to that as well. Let's pay attention to it because you're there to actually lift them up and hold them up, because if they fall, then what we fall. So some other things are you should be able to what. Encourage them, encourage them to seek help.

JASMEKA:

Right.

SYLVESTER:

You can offer some reassurance to them and help them contact the doctor, therapist, Like don't let them do it alone, Because a lot of people don't just say, oh, you need to go to the doctor, and then just leave them at that and you go on about your business.

JASMEKA:

That's an insult. It's not encouraging me to do anything. At all you need to go to the doctor. My comeback going to be you need to go to the doctor.

SYLVESTER:

Oh.

JASMEKA:

No, that's just reality.

SYLVESTER:

If somebody come to you and tell you what you need to do you're going to think about what that person needs to do no, no, no, you're right, you're right so if they care about this person really getting the help they need.

JASMEKA:

Don't take that approach.

SYLVESTER:

Oh, no, no, I agree. I agree, I agree, but even in the setting where you actually was able to have some healthy dialogue with them and get them to understand that, yes, there's an issue there and it needs to be addressed.

JASMEKA:

Right.

SYLVESTER:

It's like, even in this good discussion we was able to have, don't leave them with just that Like okay, so you're going to go take care of that, right. And it's like, yeah, I'm going to go take care of it. You're saying, give me resources. And then now you're separating yourself from the situation. After that, if you're this person's life partner, if you're in a committed relationship with them or married, it don't stop. Like you, your job ain't done and you got to know that this is something that you signed up for.

SYLVESTER:

Everybody don't make it out of that stage. Everybody don't. You got to make sure you're taking care of yourself, doing things like making sure you get enough sleep, maintaining your doing things that you know can maintain your relationship. Like let's not let the mental health issue be the mountain of our relationship, right. Like that's not the theme of our relationship. That's not the theme of our relationship. We're going to continue to still do things that we know that we enjoy together and make that, still allow that and give those things life so that they outweigh, at least be able to combat whatever this mental health issue is in us. This ain't our thing.

JASMEKA:

I think if we keep the focus of being each other's, help me, we'll be all right. If you recognize an issue in me and you help me to see that issue and support me along in my process, marriages will be all right. Be that person's, help me, be their eyes when they can't see it, like for me, I just thought no, no, no, I ain't anxious about nothing. I believe God, I trust God, and you're like, no, you're anxious because you're moving like you're anxious, you're responding like you're anxious, you ain't complete your sentence because you want to run, because you're anxious.

SYLVESTER:

So I think just being, um, being that person all right, and sometimes you know you definitely get, you can definitely get overwhelmed, so sometimes you have to take a break um look into some in in home care, uh assistance, or even at home, you know, um exterior care uh. Um, it's okay to take a break, but make sure that you're taking care of yourself um exercising, eating right Um, because that person needs you, and not just that person, but you need you. So don't let yourself go down uh, on account of you know, trying to take care of them.

JASMEKA:

And again, we're not for everybody. Relationships One-on-one podcast. And again, we're not for everybody. Relationships 101 podcast. We ain't your power couple. That's just moving on money. Just because we got a lot of money, now we power. No, are we mentally okay, spiritually okay, emotionally okay, financially okay? We're addressing all those areas. So our conversation is going to get a little uncomfortable. What issues we got here? Who needs to see a therapist? It's one out of five. If you're a family of five, look in your home and see who possibly got a mental health issue, and it may be. You Stop trying to look outside of yourself and be like I think it's my husband, because his moves be changing quickly.

SYLVESTER:

I think he bipolar.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah, look at you first, see what you got going on and then look and see who the other ones may be, but um, so then you can also, um, do things like discuss some boundaries, um, once we've identified what the issue with these issues are, uh, and we get into actually taking care of it. Um, boundaries are good, are good even in that sense. What behaviors are we not accepting? Still, what type of cooperation is needed? The limitations and expectations that we have for the relationship, still even with this mental health issue being a part of it. So what else you got, baby?

JASMEKA:

I ain't got nothing, I just encouraged the people during this time back to school. Yeah, listen, anxiety tried to knock at my door today before we recorded this and I had to. You know, come in, to go out and soak, but just on this moment, soak before this episode because it's real. So I think in this time people just need to really tune in to our mental health. Like, are we good?

SYLVESTER:

Are we okay? What?

JASMEKA:

do I need to do? What Like, are we good? Are we okay? What do I need to do? What do I need to take away? Hey, y'all probably mentally got these problems because y'all connected to the wrong person that's causing these problems.

SYLVESTER:

I mean be careful, Meditate, pray.

JASMEKA:

Never been depressed, but this boy stressing you out, and now you clinically depressed.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

Self-medicating yourself, giving yourself your own diagnosis. But it's really who you connect with. Yeah.

SYLVESTER:

And some of us are still in the dating phase and you may not have crossed that threshold yet as far as marriage, but you know you love this person. This is a perfect time for you to address any mental issues that you feel like you have. It's not something that's cliche. It's not something that we're just accepting anymore In our community. We're not accepting that anymore. It's not just me, it's how I've always been. That's an issue that's actually a mental health issue. That may just be in your DNA. Your daddy was crazy and you're crazy too, but that don't mean that we finna just go along with that and take that and let that be a part of us like that. Like no, let's take care of this stuff, Because that can end up being, like you say, some type of crazy situation that can end up on the news or something. We don't want that for you.

SYLVESTER:

We don't want that for you, we don't want that for us. Let's address the things that are important. And I know in America it's easy to just keep on like we. You know, if you caught up in that rat race, you just keep going and going, and going and going, and one day to the next, and one day to the next, and before you know it, a whole, nother year done, passed and you still ain't had to, ain't took time to address this, this issue.

SYLVESTER:

And some of us know that it's us, and especially men, we don't like going to no doctor, we don't want to go see nobody, we would just rather self-medicate Like, bro, put the bottle down, put the weed down, it's not helping, even if it's just like some type of bandage that you're putting on it for now Definitely a bandage Like let's get that real work done so you can be whole, 100% for you, for your children, for your spouse, for your family, so you can be the best version of yourself. And that's why we do this. We want everybody to be the best version of themselves, right? Healthy individuals.

JASMEKA:

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER:

It's healthy couples, it's healthy families, it's healthy communities right.

JASMEKA:

Absolutely.

SYLVESTER:

Equals a healthy society.

JASMEKA:

Like, let's do this, you know yeah.

SYLVESTER:

Let's grow yeah.

JASMEKA:

It's hard to let y'all go because it's so heavy.

SYLVESTER:

It is heavy. It's so heavy. Let's stay on the dating phase. If you see these red flags going on and you feel like dang, just know what you're getting into, speak to some other people, and that's another reason why.

JASMEKA:

Listen, listen, gotta do like a grandma used to do. Y'all better, have a come to Jesus moment, because some of us may be called to people with these mental health issues to assist them and some of them y'all just putting yourself in and y'all ain't even assigned to that, y'all ain't even grace for that. That mental issue that person got, y'all can't even handle half of the stuff they gonna do, like our relationship. God ordained. Your girl needed some patience and some chill and he bring that. Your boy needed some fire in action and he got that. So when they come to all this, talk to god, make sure if this person got this mental issue, am I assigned to them and can I handle it?

JASMEKA:

yeah am I graced enough for this?

SYLVESTER:

right. Yeah, you got to ask yourself those questions because it ain't just about you know the trips and the how he. You know he could take you on good dates. He give good gifts. That's why it's important for us to be transparent, though, about these things, about issues, because you might be trying to, you know, protect your reputation or whatever the case may be. People are going to always judge you, like, regardless. I don't care if you did everything right, they're going to judge you anyway. But think about the people who, the other people, may be going through this, and somebody may be in a dating phase right now, um, but you've been taking care of your spouse with a mental issue for umpteen years. If you ain't transparent about that, then who do they know to go to and ask them questions? That should come right from our community. It should be here. We should have solutions here, before you even have to step out outside of the community. Be transparent about that, it's okay. It's okay to not be okay.

JASMEKA:

That's because they put a bad connotation to it. They say if you got a mental issue, you crazy, you ain't crazy, you wired differently that's it.

SYLVESTER:

That's it. That's it because wired differently. So we've been learning about brain types, right, and something I learned about my brain type, uh, which is more of a spontaneous brain type in this brain type, like. That's why when you hear people talk about mental health, it's it's spectrums, like when they get diagnosis, it's on the spectrum. Where are they on the spectrum? The same type of brain type I have, somebody else has, somebody else has right, but that person may have a mental illness.

SYLVESTER:

What separates me with the same brain type as them, um, who has a mental illness, is the fact that the chemicals in my brain are more balanced. The chemicals in theirs is not. They're tipping over a little bit on that spectrum. You know what I'm saying? It's tipping over a little bit to the left, too much, a little bit to the right, too much, not enough or too much, and that creates mental illnesses in us and that's all that is. And if you have to take some type of medication or supplement, or take some type of right, some type of natural supplement, all that's doing is helping to balance. Put that thing back in the middle, those, those, those chemicals back in the middle and balance the way that they should be so middle, those, those, those chemicals back in the middle and balance the way that they should be, so that you could uh live through life without having to deal with all that extra stuff.

JASMEKA:

And just to just to clarify cause, some cause you said, like you said, we've been studying brains. They probably like, wait, hold on what y'all doing. So just how you can go to the hospital and be like I broke my arm and they could put you on an x-ray and look at your arm and be like, oh yeah, you broke this part of the bone. They never look at our brain. There's somewhere you can go for it. But we never say can I have an x-ray of my brain? What's going on in my brain? We got to check that. So yeah, with his brain type, the spontaneous, your girl is persistent. That that goes heavy with anxiety. That's why I have to take my supplements, do my walks, eat right, yoga, whatever I need, because my frontal high, it go, go, go, very busy. My back that's supposed to be calming you down with a focused brain, persistent brain. Your back is low, so I'm low in that area and I have to take supplements to increase it, to calm down my frontal. That just make me go, go, go go.

SYLVESTER:

To make it more balanced yeah.

JASMEKA:

So again, and I'm not crazy, I'm wired differently. Give me a assignment, I go Make it more balanced. Yeah, so again, and I'm not crazy, I'm wired differently.

SYLVESTER:

Give me an assignment, I bet I can run it real quick, exactly. I mean, we're good, we're good, right, everybody's good, but let's maintain ourselves so that we can be good. Let's learn more about ourselves so that we can know how to take better care of ourselves, and that's all that is. It's bigger than just the surface level stuff you got to really care about. When you really care about somebody, you are going to study that person, you're going to study them. Or even if you ain't somebody you care about, but somebody you just you feel like they have value, you have, they have, they know something that you want and that you should know Right. Maybe it's a mentor or something that somebody that's somewhere that you want to that you should know right.

SYLVESTER:

Maybe it's a mentor or something that somebody that's somewhere that you want to be right and you want to tap into how they got there. You're going to study that. You're going to seek, knock, ask, you're going to dig and do research and find out, watch all the videos they got. You're going to, like, you're going to do the work and now let's say that there's people out there that's like that, but let that person be you as well, like, be intrigued with yourself. Just that much, love yourself, just that much to want to know all about you. You don't know nothing about you. That's how I learned.

SYLVESTER:

The more I found out about myself is, the more I realized that I don't know. I don't know me, and it's like it's so many different ways to know yourself because there's so many different parts of yourself to get to know, and the more you know you right, the better you are at loving you. And then the better you are at loving you, the better, the more help you be for your partner to love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I just knew that was coming. Like, what is your deal? Let's shut up. So what we doing, man? We taking care of ourselves.

JASMEKA:

We taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.

SYLVESTER:

What we doing, we being healthy. What we doing, yeah, yeah yeah. We being healthy.

JASMEKA:

Yeah, intentionally.

SYLVESTER:

Yeah.

JASMEKA:

On purpose. Yeah, so thanks for joining us again on another episode of Relationships 101 Podcast. This is your introduction. We're trying to stop y'all at the door At the door we're having the conversations that sometimes your parents don't have. They know he ain't the one or she ain't the one, but they just sit back and be like nah, they gonna learn.

SYLVESTER:

Nah, teach them Tell them, show them, reveal it, educate them.

JASMEKA:

So we just trying to meet y'all there and if y'all already crossed the door, we're trying to make y'all know how to run another 14. We almost on that. 15 and many more to go we out.

SYLVESTER:

Peace we out peace. Welcome to relationships 101 podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.