Relationships101Podcast

NOTHING BETWEEN US: Why Addressing Disagreements Early Can Save Your Relationship

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 16

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What if your relationship conflicts could be resolved before they escalate into something more damaging? Join us on this eye-opening episode of Relationships 101 as we, Sylvester and JasMeka Wilson, share our personal stories and experiences that spotlight the importance of nurturing healthy relationships in marriage. Sylvester gets real about his unease during periods of temporary separation due to unresolved conflicts, while JasMeka opens up about her past habit of seeking refuge in a Walmart parking lot to cool off. Together, we underline the significance of addressing disagreements promptly and keeping communication channels open to avoid long-lasting tension.

Ever wondered how to handle everything from minor disputes to major relationship breaches like infidelity? We're here to guide you through various levels of offenses and provide practical strategies for tackling them head-on. Our discussion covers the necessity of open communication, seeking external help, and recognizing when it might be time to let go of the issue or even the person. We also highlight the importance of self-awareness and the impact of personal traumas on relationships. By sharing our insights, we aim to help you recognize red flags early and foster growth that leads to shorter, more manageable conflicts.

Finally, we discuss the vital role of setting boundaries within a family, especially when raising children close in age. JasMeka shares her journey from struggling with boundaries to becoming more adept at maintaining limits, emphasizing the importance of having a clear family mission statement to keep everyone aligned. As a bonus, we take you on a delightful culinary journey, reminiscing about memorable meals like fried snapper and grits, and surprisingly delightful beignets. Tune in for valuable insights, heartfelt stories, and a reminder to cherish the moments spent with your loved ones.

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Sylvester:

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101, your introduction to committed relationships. I am your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JasMeka:

And I'm your co-host, JasMeka Wilson.

Sylvester:

And you're laughing at me because I'm getting used to this.

JasMeka:

Yeah, you're trying to do the 101 introduction.

Sylvester:

Yeah, I changed it up a little bit, so, you know, got to get used to that. Have you ever been through a situation that separated you and your spouse, you and your partner, your loved one, and how did you deal with that? How did y'all deal with that separation period? How long does it last?

JasMeka:

How did you feel?

Sylvester:

You know what I'm saying. Should it even last long? As for you, how do you feel when we go through?

JasMeka:

that I would say I've grown in that area.

Sylvester:

Okay.

JasMeka:

Before, in our beginning stages, I was the one who would get in a car, drive and sit at Walmart and make him wonder where I was at or what I was doing.

Sylvester:

Wait, that's where you would go to Walmart. I thought you would go like Popeye's or something.

JasMeka:

No, no, no, no, your girl just at walmart, because I was a little afraid something might happen to me while I'm separated and I can't call him and say something happened. So I just drove down the street and just like sit right there, okay so, but my point is saying that is now, when we're going through like whatever we're going through, I get like this uneasiness, like I'm unsettled. I'm trying to figure out how we're gonna correct this, because we're definitely not going to bed like this, we're not waking up tomorrow with this, whereas before I can go weeks and feel like whatever really.

Sylvester:

So I remember when we first started right, this is the time we just used to be talking on the phone. You know what I'm saying because we did go through a long distance relationship period just talking on the phone like period, and I can remember bringing this up. You know what I'm saying because I, you know, as a visionary, I'd be looking ahead far ahead, right.

Sylvester:

So I'm asking a far ahead type of question, like hey, you know, um, I think it was along the lines it had something to do with like us, like in an argument, or you know, in that separation period, or you know, going to bed mad type jump, you know what I'm saying. Like should we do that? Like are we gonna go to bed mad? And. And she said all the right answers y, y'all, you know we do. She said all the right freaking answers.

JasMeka:

Until I was placed in it.

Sylvester:

And then, like she just told y'all stay mad for weeks.

JasMeka:

I have been delivered, so you can imagine how I felt. Y'all, let's talk about you. How do you feel when there's a separation between us?

Sylvester:

I hate it. I hate it. It's, it's excruciating, because for one um it again, it depends on, for one, it depends on why, what, what separated us, is it? You know what I'm saying? It's a matter of things we're going to talk about on this thing. But you know whether this is just a misunderstanding, whether it's I guess we just named it, let's name it a difference in an idea, right, because we do think differently. Whether it was an offense, somebody offended, you know whether it was our jobs, our finances, our jobs yeah yeah.

Sylvester:

Family friends Right Outside influences jobs yeah, yeah, um family, friends right outside influences, um, whether it was a sexual, um, emotional, uh, then that that would determine how I actually felt about it, but I could say that I feel terrible anytime it happens, because I understand the ramifications of being separated. I actually paid attention to this you know what I'm saying back when we was staying mad for longer than what should be yeah, I don't do it I would pay attention to that and start to realize that, hey, you know what?

Sylvester:

This is actually the time when the worst things start happening. You know what I'm saying. When there's all of a sudden crazy stuff happening and it's like was that by design? You know what I'm saying?

Sylvester:

Like was there a force waiting for us to actually get into this mode of separation so that some things could happen. You know what I'm saying and it happened on several occasions. So in my mind I kind of like I feel like that's when the worst things happen, and so I'm always like on, you know, biting my my nails when we're in a mode of separation, because I know this does not turn out good the longer it lasts. So I'm always a fan of hurrying up and getting over it.

JasMeka:

That was your maturity level at that time. Yeah so you kind of was up here. I was still a little down here responding to conflict, like I had to learn how to respond to conflict and have those tough conversations you know I was just used to. I don't feel like talking about this. Shut it down, go away. Let's not address it.

Sylvester:

Right.

JasMeka:

But now it's like no, we're gonna talk about this like we need to talk, we need to talk about it. But when you were saying something about you feel like that's when the most offense happened. Maybe that was just god making something happen to humble my behind, like, oh, you ain't gonna talk to him, let me blow this tire. That's why I never went far, because I knew I was out of the grace. So it's like I don't want to be too far, just in case I need to walk home because my pride won't.

Sylvester:

Let me call you yeah, a lot of times, how many of y'all realize that type of thing, like when y'all not seeing eye to eye, when y'all, in that mode of separation, whatever, whatever the cause was, something freaking happened and it's like dang dog, we was on one accord, we was on point with each other, we wasn't mad, and in that separation period and we was talking more at that time, then maybe it wouldn't have happened or maybe we just would have been able to our reflexes, to handling that would have been quicker and it wouldn't have been as bad. You know what I'm saying. So there's definitely a thing I really believe that staying together like nothing should separate.

JasMeka:

Nothing.

Sylvester:

Nothing.

JasMeka:

Nothing.

Sylvester:

Between us.

JasMeka:

Name stuff that shouldn't separate us.

Sylvester:

I already did.

JasMeka:

Like let's just go tit for tat with it, like let's just bounce it, like let's do a song about it. Nothing should separate us.

Sylvester:

Our kids.

JasMeka:

Our jobs.

Sylvester:

Our emotions.

JasMeka:

Our money.

Sylvester:

Our pride.

JasMeka:

Our mama.

Sylvester:

Your mama.

JasMeka:

Your daddy.

Sylvester:

Your auntie.

JasMeka:

Which y'all get it. Nothing should separate us. Nothing should come between our union Like your union should. When I was reading in my devotional time it's so funny that this is a topic we're talking about this week um, when I was reading during my devotional time, he took me to genesis with adam and eve. And then I, when I read it, I'm like dang. The serpent went up to Eve. Where was Adam? Were they beefing in that time? He probably was cutting the grass, he probably was cutting the grass and she was left alone.

Sylvester:

Yeah, so whether that was so, so, so. So the point of it is like I don't think that it even mattered why they were separated.

JasMeka:

I think it just was the fact that it happened while they were separated let's just go back to what you said earlier about things happen when you're in that separation. So the enemy knew he had to come to eve when she was by herself, because adam probably would have had some accountability on that.

Sylvester:

Yeah, so when.

JasMeka:

So when we're separated, that's when violation take place. When we're refraining and withholding sex from our partner, that's when violation take place. When we're not answering his phone calls who he calling?

Sylvester:

Or she.

JasMeka:

Or she, who they calling.

Sylvester:

Right.

JasMeka:

Who they talking to. Mm-hmm, she, who they calling? Right, who they talking to? So, as we put all these prideful boundaries up and we put all this stuff in place where it's, me, me, me, I, I know it's supposed to be.

Sylvester:

Y'all, because if anybody that you're swallowing your pride for, of anybody that you're being the bigger person for, it should be your spouse, or it should be that person who you committed, you know long term, for, who you have plans to be with forever, like if anybody. I mean because why not? Right? What's at stake? Everything, everything you're building, everything you've been working on together, all that is at stake, and if you could easily throw that away, that means y'all probably ain't building nothing and y'all need to work on that.

Sylvester:

I feel like it's easier, and you may be at the beginning of y'all's situation. Y'all might be at the beginning, I could say, at the beginning of anything. It's easier, right matter of fact, that's when you need to if you're gonna cut and run. Cut and run right. Right, because ain't much at stake. Um, that's why we always talk about those questions and addressing things in the, in the dating stage, in the you know, before the I do's and all of that right way, before the I do's, address the red flags, see um be able to, to um analyze who it is that you're actually dealing with, what type of person, so that you say I wasn't a person, that I was I wasn't.

JasMeka:

I didn't have people like us to actually you know what I'm saying to run and make make sure my questions was legit and you had nobody to bounce it off of.

Sylvester:

I ain't had nobody that was knowledgeable enough in that area to actually bounce those questions off of or even just to feed me any type of information like that. We just was feeling our way through the dark and that's why we do this, so that y'all and people like us, y'all, power couples, y'all ain't got to feel y'all way through the dark. You know what I'm saying. Like, let's walk through this together. We'll hold a lamp up while you hold something up. You know, yes, ma'am.

JasMeka:

Nothing. You're shaking what's going on.

Sylvester:

Oh, I was shaking my leg and she like bumped me. I'm like it was. It was too much. I thought you wanted to say something.

JasMeka:

No, you was rocking the boat like you was just going like all right all right, instead of bumping me, just next time just rub the leg.

Sylvester:

That way. I don't think you want to say something. I just might just calm down. Alright, thank you.

JasMeka:

Sorry y'all.

Sylvester:

So what are some reasons?

JasMeka:

Well, we talked about the reasons, right, okay, I think there's levels, though, to the offense, because some offense may be easy to get over, Like quicker.

Sylvester:

But it may not always be an offense. Like I said, it may be a miscommunication, but it's.

JasMeka:

I feel like it's level, just like we're saying, oh, we're relationships 101, we're the introduction to committed relationships, when you in college you can't get to level 202, like you can't get to the 200s or the 300s without stopping at this 100. I just feel like within a couple you start seeing different levels of a person. So today it might oh, we beefing about you need to take the dog out. I feel like that's something minor, but then next year it may be you're having an inappropriate relationship with somebody. So I feel like we should share like strategies or tools to help these people get over it, because I feel like it's different levels Like I could easily get over. You didn't take out the trash last night. I think it'll be much tougher for me to get over something like you talking to Sister Sue.

Sylvester:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean so what are some things that will help people? You think, get over some stuff?

JasMeka:

having those open conversations seeking help, and if it's something that you wholeheartedly cannot get over, I'm not for divorce. But, dog, sometimes y'all release, like if you can't release the issue release the person.

Sylvester:

Sometimes I show need to release, if you can't release the issue.

JasMeka:

Release the person and stop living in this bondage.

Sylvester:

Right, those issues that you bring to the table are not for your partner to deal with. Some of those, some of that stuff, is because you ain't dealt with. These are like personal things that you ain't dealt with. It may be a deep seated, it may be something from some trauma from childhood, it may be some you know what I'm saying and these things can play out in a relationship and it's like you can't just throw that on your partner, though, to deal with, when you just need to be doing some self work so that you're not triggered every time this particular thing happens.

JasMeka:

So are you trying to say, like, what the person is going through internally project issues in the relationship?

Sylvester:

Yeah, that could bring about a separation, especially if it's the same thing. I agree.

Sylvester:

It may be like a certain thing that just triggers this person's trauma. It might be something that happened in a past relationship, something that happened, like I say, growing up, something that and it just triggers this person emotionally and now there's a separation and it's like it could be something just very regular that the person does, and that's a conversation that needs to be had, and not you, if you're the person with the issue. Let's be honest with ourselves. You know I'm saying like, okay, this is just this, this, this. Where does this come from? Did this start here? Or is this something that an issue I always had?

Sylvester:

Is this an issue that I even had with my last you know what I'm saying with my ex? Is this an issue I even have my ex ex-ex? Is this an issue I have with my ex-ex-ex? Then it just might be an issue you have that you ain't even dealt with and it's not for you to. One good thing about relationships, I don't care how long or short they may be, there's always something you can learn from them, and there's always something that you can learn about yourself from a relationship. That other person is just a reflection of you and they may be able to show you where you might have some issues that you need to be working on, not for you to point at them and say, oh, you're the other problem. No, um, that came up just to show you what problems you have.

JasMeka:

You know, I'm saying what problems I have that I need to be working on I feel like we need to stop applying so much grace in the beginning of our dating stage because that's the stuff we look over, like it was like nah, she just tripping, nah, that's who she is. Or nah, he just tripping, nah, that's who he is right or nah?

Sylvester:

nah, the waiter was just tripping. Nah, the waiter was tripping. Nah, the waiter like just doing their job. And yeah, they could have. But look how that person responded though, because one day that's gonna be you on the other side, on the other end of that.

JasMeka:

You know what I'm saying yeah, I think we need to stop applying so much grace in the beginning. Yeah, we give grace every day. God give new grace every day. But in these relationships, let's stop covering up issues that we're gonna later see. That's gonna make us just apply distance where we should have applied that distance in the beginning I think, uh, the all in all having a relationship that it's gonna to happen.

Sylvester:

You're going to have disagreements, You're going to have. You know what I'm saying. But I think just when you grow, the more you grow those disagreements, the time the separation periods, they'll last Very brief.

Sylvester:

Yeah, They'll be more brief, They'll be more and more brief. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, Because they're going to happen. I've even heard some people say I've heard, sometimes, some people a couple times in my life. I've heard some people say you know, we've never had an argument. And hey, bravo to you, I've never. They must don't talk much. I mean, I can't fathom how that won't happen.

JasMeka:

But you know how we be at restaurants and we be looking at other couples.

Sylvester:

Yeah.

JasMeka:

And we be like they have not said one word to each other.

Sylvester:

And maybe that's why you don't have a disagreement, I don't know. So because what we say, like if you're opposite, right, those opposites can clash because we're different. Absolutely, those opposites can clash because we're different.

JasMeka:

Absolutely.

Sylvester:

But then also paying attention to how we're different actually works right, and how you cover my weaknesses because you're strong in those areas, how I cover your weaknesses because I'm strong in that area, and how that actually makes us a better force, is something that's done intentionally. It's something that's done intentionally, but then we also know that what we always say is that when people are too alike, we're too alike. That's why we always bump heads because we're just alike. Well, what is it, I'll be thinking like. What is it that's going to make a couple get together and not even argue at all? Is you just the same or are you just different? That's what why it works like that, or it doesn't even work like that and people should be lying.

JasMeka:

I don't know, but I've never experienced that I'm about to say we ain't even focusing on the, the two percent, we focusing on the 98, 98 of us according to jazz stacks. Y'all gonna have some conflict in those relationships.

JasMeka:

Y'all gonna disagree about something, whether he want to paint the house blue and you want to paint it pink, there's gonna be a disagreement whether he gonna pick the kids up or you gonna drop the kids off. It's gonna be a conflict that y'all gonna have to work through. Yeah, so our point is don't let it be too long of a silence.

Sylvester:

Please don't.

JasMeka:

Because, it get dangerous, they going to be eating that fruit, whatever that fruit may be.

Sylvester:

The longer it lasts, the more dangerous it is. It really is. We are all one argument away from it just being over. Like for real, I don't care how happy you was yesterday, how happy y'all and close y'all been all week. You just one disagreement away from all of it being over, One offense away from everything being over, and you gotta guard your relationship as such. You really do. Don't play around with them. Separation periods, man, Because opposing forces are waiting on that. They're waiting on that. They're waiting for that period where they can just jump in and you know yeah.

JasMeka:

But let's talk about I think we didn't talk about that part. Let's talk about, because you're saying nothing should be able to come in between us.

JasMeka:

Let's be real. Putting those boundaries in place, it causes tension. It does. So what can we suggest to the people that, as we're becoming one and making sure nothing but come in between us and we're applying those proper boundaries, how we gonna stay? Because even in applying boundaries and we trying to say we are one and outside, outside offense come, there has been times that I'm beefing with you now just because it's outside forces that's trying to come against us.

Sylvester:

Yeah, so we got to be honest, like it's a thing it's definitely a thing, and you just got to be cognizant of that. You got to be on point when it comes to that, um, I can remember a boundary we put in place, um, after realizing that this thing caused tension between us unnecessarily. It wasn't me, it wasn't you, it was just we haven't. We haven't set these boundaries in place. We haven't put these boundaries in place that would make sure that this particular thing doesn't happen. Because what I realized that day? Every time this happens, we end up at each other though you know what I'm saying and then hold, well, hold on, it don't even be us, though it be our outside force, and then it brings tension inside here. So how do we guard that? We got to set something in place, okay. So that's where rules and boundaries are set in place, things that we just don't do. Because, for one, you got to know that we're building our own culture here as a couple. You're building your own culture. You're gonna have your own language, you're gonna have your. You know, y'all dress a certain way. You know what I'm saying. Y'all speak a certain way, y'all, y'all eat a certain way. That's a culture within itself, right, and with that, it's certain things that you just know that hey, no, we don't do that. We ain't on that.

Sylvester:

And one of those things that came about with us that we realized was last minute, last minute requests from people outside, like last minute invitations, last minute. Hey, can you do this for me Last minute, hey, I'm finna, stop by. And da-da-da, last minute anything, because we, for one, all our kids are like close in age. So we had to have programs. You know what I'm saying. Like we got a whole program running. You know what I'm saying? Sunday to Sunday, we got a whole program running so that we can make sure everything gets done, need to be done, and yada, yada, yadaada, yada. You know what it is. So any like little unscheduled thing that's happening, somebody jump.

Sylvester:

We can't afford for too many of those unschedules to just be jumping on right because now it frustrates you, it frustrates me, like there's going to be some tension that's built because of that and it's like wait, why am I mad at you? You don't know that. Why am I mad at you? You know what I'm saying. Why is you mad at me? I wasn't the last minute thing, but we allowed the last minute thing, we said yes to it. If we just would have said no, continue with your regularly scheduled program. So we had to learn that. We had to learn that and no matter who it come from come from mama, cousin, sister, auntie, whoever it can come from, pastor it, it don't matter, because nothing between us, god put this together. It's a three, it's a three-strand cord, all you, them and God. Outside of that, whatever you allow, you allow. Whatever you disallow, you disallow, and that's how it's going to go. So you got to set up the parameters.

JasMeka:

Boundaries.

Sylvester:

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

JasMeka:

It be uncomfortable setting those boundaries, but it's necessary'd be uncomfortable setting those boundaries but it's necessary, do it yes maybe for you all the time saying no, it's not easy it's not not showing up wait a minute now I'm not gonna sit here and do no acting. What.

Sylvester:

In my humble opinion and perspective, it's been easier for you to say no than it has been for me to say no. Now what I mean by? What I mean by?

JasMeka:

Okay, let's explain.

Sylvester:

It's easy to say no and I don't mean all the time. But it's easy for me to say no, and I don't mean all the time, but it's easy for me to say no when I know what happens because of this. I know the consequences to saying yes. I feel something that we've already set in place and say we ain't finna do so. I'm sticking to the code, and that makes it easy for me to say no because I know that this makes for a better and easier life for us.

JasMeka:

You're speaking about the noun jazz. That's easier to say no, not the past jazz. The past jazz used to answer every call run to every demand and it was hard to place those boundaries. So that's why we would have the disagreements, because I didn't know how to say no. So that's why I'm saying setting boundaries is not easy and that's coming from somebody.

JasMeka:

I used to answer every phone call, I don't care if it was a 1-800 or 213 or 506, um hello just answering everything making sure everybody's good but, the noun jazz, the process jazz, the process jazz, the prune jazz, the refined jazz real refined capital on the fine it's easier to say no because I'm at the vision, the purpose and how. We was talking about submission on one of our other things. I am submitted to our mission like I am. This just what it is right and a lot of people need to take that attitude. This just what it is like you see me, you see him.

Sylvester:

You see how you see him and we ain't got to this point yet. You know what I'm saying? Because as we talk to y'all and bring things, y'all like we growing too. And if we bring any type of resource or any type of like, these are things that we're trying to Like. We tried it and we see that, oh, that thing is pretty good, you know what I'm saying. It's pretty good.

Sylvester:

I think it's worth bringing to the power, like there's times where you know we're all human, we have to still get to the point where we've actually written down that mission right, like the mission statement, like every company has right, because you got to think of your family right as a company. What's your mission statement? I was just halfway there it ain't because fully because what happens is we thought we knew it.

JasMeka:

God humbled both of us. Trash garbage.

Sylvester:

Get it out of there because what happens is when you go through a, b and c or whatever the case is, that mission statement keeps you right, it keeps your eyes on the prize and and you can kind of like, measure yourself, measure your attitude, whatever that attitude is at the current moment. You could be mad, you could be feeling prideful, you could be feeling offended. Right, you could be feeling like the victim at the current moment. You could be mad, you could be feeling prideful, you could be feeling offended, you could be feeling like the victim. At the time. You can look at that mission. You should be able to look at that mission statement and kind of see if you in line or if you tripping you know what I'm saying or when it's time to make a decision based on you know the family like, or yourself, does this fall in line with that?

JasMeka:

so why do you think God created marriage?

Sylvester:

I think he created marriage so that, uh, he could be able to. Because, the way I see it, when you, when you're married, you representing god, like as a woman and as a man, like god, is a spirit, so he's not like one gender. I know we like to play around and say you know god is a woman god.

Sylvester:

You know I'm saying god is a woman, god is a man. People, they have these little, you know, these little crazy little back and forths, but god is a spirit, so he's need a woman. He's not, he's a female. Female, no male he's my father right he's.

Sylvester:

That's in a, in a capacity that he, that he operate like. That's a certain capacity, but he's able to also operate in the capacity and nurture you like a female should, like a mother should he's, he's also able to do that and he does that. So I feel like when you operate in the space of marriage, as a woman and man coming together, you become one right Becoming one. You become like God when he's operating, because he is both female and male. So I feel like you actually have more power, more authority. You have a certain way to say when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and he obtains favor from the Lord, right Favor, meaning that, listen, you are more like me in the earth. Now I can come through and work through this thing. I can come through and work through you not even y'all you, because y'all are one. I can come through and work through you and get some things done that I necessarily wouldn't have been able to get done just with one individual, with a male, but just with a female.

JasMeka:

Two is better, but now.

Sylvester:

I got two. You know what I'm saying. So I feel like that's also one of the main reasons why marriages and you know you committed relationships. Y'all ain't got to the marriage stage yet. But that's why the fight gets more and more the closer you get to the goal line. And once you get to the goal line and cross it and now you're married the fight intensifies still because the authority that you step into as a married couple is godlike.

JasMeka:

They want to destroy it. I got to destroy this.

Sylvester:

Yeah, there's an opposing force that wants to destroy that because of what God is able to do through you, through you to on earth. You know what I'm saying.

JasMeka:

Listen. We want to hear somebody's powerful mission statement to everybody that's in a committed relationship. Email us at support at relationships101podcastcom.

Sylvester:

I'm going to put it down.

JasMeka:

Support at relationships101.com.

Sylvester:

I might put it up there.

JasMeka:

And send us your mission statement so we can just pray over it. We can maybe write back with some tips, strategies, tools, encouragement, resources that we know about. Because we are researchers, we're going research, research, research, dissect, dissect till we figure out the answer, like so, send us those mission statements and let's see what y'all are really submitting to, because, like I said, we thought we had something, y'all, we thought it was so saucy, y'all, it was good. But, baby, this past two weeks, god was like trash, I would say.

Sylvester:

I would say pray about it too, first, first and foremost, so that you know God can reveal it to you, because you gotta know what it is that you're operating in.

Sylvester:

Every family operates in it's own like superpower absolutely and it's like God got y'all on this earth together to operate in whatever those, those superpowers are, and they've already been there. They've been there. They've been there. Your mama, you know, god had it, your daddy had it. I mean talking about the curses. Right, we know the curses. They're more evident than anything. But there's some gifts too, and, if you pay attention, those are the things that you're supposed to be operating in, to bring about. You know, help to help people, service people and edify people on Earth.

JasMeka:

Don't let nothing come between y'all. Nothing Kids, jobs, bills, Disagreements, disappointments, family nothing come between y'all.

Sylvester:

That stress will get you, that stress will get you. And I would say, you know, let's try to stay emotionally conscious, emotionally supportive to one another, because if I ain't got you to vent to, you know what I'm saying, who I'm gonna vent to. I mean, yeah, definitely got, I got a friend or two that I can vent to, because they understand marriage. It depends on you know what, what it's about, you know, um? But first and foremost, it should be you that I should be able to vent to, especially if it has to do with our marriage, especially, um, at least, even if it ain't, then it's, it's bringing up that issue because I think a person probably vents, we probably vent because we can't talk about it. We can't, we haven't been able to address it yet, so then we have to go and at least let off some steam about it to somebody and somebody's be somebody, somebody waiting sometimes too, so yeah, yeah yeah, those tough conversations.

JasMeka:

Stop avoiding them. Stop avoiding them. Sit through it. Use I statements. I feel this way when you do this, because once you get to that you it just shuts down, like whatever you was about to tell me, coming at me, attacked at me as a person, it's going to shut the conversation down. It ain't going to go nowhere. So try to use I statements. I feel this way when you do that. And listen, we call ourselves Relationships 101. Everybody don't go to college, so this podcast is not for everyone. These are for people that really want to make it work. Y'all really want to graduate. We're trying.

Sylvester:

We're trying to graduate we're trying to graduate, we're trying to be happily married.

JasMeka:

Our favorite question now is when somebody said oh, we've been married for 23 years. How many of those were happy.

Sylvester:

Right? No, because those are the ones that count.

JasMeka:

Yeah, I don't care about 40 years, but 30 of them. You were miserable, you wasn't living.

Sylvester:

Right.

JasMeka:

Nor was your purpose fulfilled. We trying to live, we trying to live Out of our full everything. Yeah, definitely, definitely. That wraps up today's episode does it does it. You got more to say have we been anywhere?

Sylvester:

you want to tell anybody about something that you did, you experience, anything that you um felt good about? Uh, what's the name of that place in? Uh, in atlanta, midtown grits, grits and eggs, grits and eggs. It's a um restaurant in midtown or atlanta grits and eggs, y'all it was good y'all gotta go and check that thing. Ah man, it's good, but you hear me, dang, I wish I knew the girl name who served us.

Sylvester:

I forgot I think all servers were great though but they were, they were taking pictures for you all. That it was good, that was good, yeah. So um any bi you know um what I got I got a snapper. I got a fried snapper and grits.

JasMeka:

My girl got. He love y'all.

Sylvester:

My girl got what?

JasMeka:

You love your people, Girl what you got. What did I get? I do not remember what I did, salmon.

Sylvester:

No.

JasMeka:

I got Caribbean shrimp and grits, the Caribbean shrimp and grits.

Sylvester:

It was not curry, but Caribbean.

Sylvester:

No, no, jerk, Jerk, jerk, shrimp and grits is what she got. She liked mine better than she liked hers. Say that all the way good. And them beignets? Oh, they got beignets, y'all Beignets. If you don't know what beignets is, look it up New Orleans French, look it up Beignets. They got some good beignets. I ain't expect it y'all. I ain't expect it Because we done been to New Orleans and boy, them beignets ain't nothing to play with, yes, lord. So I was like when my brother told me about the beignets, I'm like, yeah, yeah, but you gotta go to New York, I mean, you gotta go to New Orleans, dog man, we got them beignets. Them things was right, they was right y'all. So holla at them people, man, we all in Atlanta, man, holla at them people.

JasMeka:

And he said all that to say make America's day the game. Make sure y'all are dating.

Sylvester:

Yes, Lord.

JasMeka:

We out.

Sylvester:

Okay, no-transcript.