To Submit or Not To Submit? That Is The Question: Who Really Leads the Relationship?

Ever wondered why submission in relationships can be such a thorny issue, especially for women today? Join us, Sylvester and JasMeka Wilson, as we unravel the complexities of submission within relationships in our latest episode of the Relationships 101 Podcast. We'll explore the importance of shared beliefs and faith, and why understanding who leads your partner is crucial before making any commitments. We'll also delve into the emotional connections women often feel post-intimacy and how it can sometimes cloud judgment, urging a balanced understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

We’ll tackle pertinent issues such as gender roles and financial dynamics within black communities. With societal structures often favoring women in the workforce, how can women who out-earn their partners maintain harmony? We'll discuss supporting entrepreneurial endeavors and grounding relationships in shared values. You'll hear why having intentional conversations about individual and family goals during the dating stage can prevent future financial conflicts. We'll also touch on the broader societal impact of the women empowerment movement and its potential implications for black homes.

Finally, we’ll delve into the importance of recognizing each partner’s strengths and areas of authority within a family. Submission isn’t about rigid control but about leveraging each other’s strengths to build a harmonious household. We’ll share personal stories and advice on establishing a clear family vision aligned with individual aspirations, requiring mutual respect and understanding. Plus, we highlight the importance of health, therapy, and divine guidance in nurturing a balanced life. Don’t miss our insights on fostering healthy marriages through interviews with married couples, and remember to comment, subscribe, and share to help build our community. Welcome to Relationships 101!

Chapters

• 0:14 Understanding Submission in Relationships
• 9:38 Navigating Gender Roles and Relationships
• 15:24 Establishing Authority and Submission in Relationships
• 20:31 Authority and Submission in Relationships
• 34:31 Establishing Family Vision and Submission
• 42:28 Promoting Healthy Marriage Through Interviews

Transcript

Sylvester: 0:14

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JasMeka: 0:32

And I'm your co-host, Shaznika Wilson. I'm loving it.

Sylvester: 0:39

Now look. Why is it so hard for women to submit in today's society? Is it the climate of society?

JasMeka: 0:48

My sister's going to have to send me something to say.

Sylvester: 0:51

Is it the culture? What is it? First, though, what is submission? What does that actually mean?

JasMeka: 1:01

Let's pull it up so people don't be like, ah don't know, that's our point, that's our view. Let's be literal Submission. Help us, lord. The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Sylvester: 1:25

Boom Boom. Okay, what you got to say about that.

JasMeka: 1:31

First things first. Okay, superior force, who is driving my me?

Sylvester: 1:39

Right. What's the superior force that we both, what's the superior force that we both are submitting to? To first of all, I think we should agree to that or just the man, because it's why.

JasMeka: 1:50

The question is, why women aren't submitting. So who's leading my man? Who's the superior force that's?

Sylvester: 2:00

leading my man, but of course the woman still has to agree with it, because if she don't agree with who he following, then why should she follow him?

JasMeka: 2:09

Yeah, they better not forget to date.

Sylvester: 2:13

That's all I'm saying. Yeah, because that should be actually one of them questions in the dating period. Right, find out who we Don't go for that. I saw a video about the, like one of them videos where they do the, the dating game thing, the new dating game thing they got where the guy come out with popping balloons and all that and the, the one who, uh, the one who they said somebody, one of the girls said he looked like a ninja turtle or something, uh, but he was a plumber, um, and he, they asked.

Sylvester: 2:42

One girl asked about his faith and and he said he definitely believed in God, but he wouldn't get into, you know, he wouldn't get into the meat of what he really, the dynamics of how he believed and everything. Um. Dating period like, let's get into it, right, if he liked that on a, on the second date, whatever that is, give him a little grace, okay, if you feel like you're going to have another date with him, then yeah, we definitely going to follow up with him. Let him know. No, we're going to get into it, though I respect that we ain't got to get into it. Right, this moment. Right, I take what you just gave me, the fact that you do believe in God, though, and blah, blah, blah. Right, I take that a little bit, but we definitely going to get into it before we get to another level. Right, definitely, we ain't finna, definitely listen, please, please, don't get to the point where you done gave up your leverage.

Sylvester: 3:33

And what I call leverage when it come to women is, yes, that thing that every man want from you. Once you've given up that leverage, then that's why we change on you. Once you've given up that leverage, then that's why we change on you. However, before you get that leverage up, you definitely better know what's going on. Who's leading this man?

JasMeka: 3:57

Okay, you had a daddy-daughter moment. You just came off your little daddy-daughter dinner date, vibe.

Sylvester: 4:04

Just came off it.

JasMeka: 4:06

You gonna have to kind of like switch gears on us for a little quick second. That was a message to Sahara.

JasMeka: 4:13

There's some daughters watching, not only though baby not only is it leveraged, there's also study around how when women have sex with men, we're more emotionally connected. That's why y'all can easily just have sex and go for a woman. Once you have sex, you already planning out your future with this guy, how many kids he can have, because we release certain hormones during that time that activate stuff in our brain. So don't be so blind, because you done had some good peen and now you can't make a sound judgment of, hey, we unequally yoked. That's probably why them people date within a culture and do all that, uh, what it's called arranged marriages, because they know you're gonna go through a lot of things in life. But if y'all can agree on the faith side, y'all might be able to make it.

Sylvester: 5:10

Right.

JasMeka: 5:11

But that's, that's getting to, that's getting that's foundational, it's foundational.

Sylvester: 5:16

Uh, who, who it is that you believe in? It's foundational. I believe that how can you be together if you're not equally yoked, if you can't walk together? That's foundational, it's foundational. Got to know who they believe in, who's leading your man, before you talk about following them.

JasMeka: 5:35

Absolutely. You know, Because they say yield unto a superior force.

Sylvester: 5:39

Right Now. What's the other part?

JasMeka: 5:40

Or to the will or authority of another person.

Sylvester: 5:43

Okay.

JasMeka: 5:43

So for me, I think that's my order of submission, Because it gave us an or not and Right. So, okay, who's leading my man? And then I'm going to submit to you in your areas that you're called to lead in, Right?

Sylvester: 5:58

so let's get into actually submitting to an individual an individual's will or another person. Let's get into that part of it, okay, I feel like they're they would be separate. I say that I feel like that's circumstantial, depending on what the circumstances are. Uh, that's why it's important, I feel like, to know what the strengths and weaknesses are of your, of your partner, right, of your, um, your lover, um of your, your spouse. Know what their, your, um, your lover, um of your, your spouse. Know what their strengths and weaknesses are. Have that conversation, be open about it. Don't get offended, because you know what I'm saying.

Sylvester: 6:33

Your, your weaknesses may show up in an area. We need to know that, because that means that that's not an area where you should be operating in authority in regards to this relationship, and if I feel like strengths are if money management is your strength, for example, right, uh, then when it comes to certain decisions, um, certain direction right, in that we definitely can make, make decisions together, but certain direction in that and taking advice about it, I can definitely submit to you knowing that you're stronger in that area in regards to that.

JasMeka: 7:15

Just to share a story. I remember one time a family member asked to borrow money or something and they didn't understand when you was like call Jazz, ask Jazz, and then we'll talk about it. And they just felt like the order of the home is the man. Why am I calling Jazz to figure out can I borrow some money? But it's just the structure of our home, how he's pointing out. If that's your strength, I'm gonna submit to you in the area. Not that you have full control, because we agree. Like once they called me and we just me and uh man up sylvester discussed finances together then we made the the decision together but it threw people away, you know.

JasMeka: 8:03

It threw them like uh x jazz, okay, you the man at a house, but whatever, um. So I think that's why it's easier for me to follow you too, because it's just not.

Sylvester: 8:14

I'm the leader in this house like this dominant, aggressive, misguided, misplaced yeah, like if you watched our other episode about toxic relationships or toxic behaviors in relationships. We talk about how we was able to realize that, hey, you know, toxic is actually where you know. A toxic relationship is actually a relationship where there's imbalance in the power structure. So always somebody else's will, all right. Talk about the end, the will of an individual. There's always the same individual's will that we're submitting to. It should never be that. That's toxic. So let's get into who's the authority over this particular thing and then let's submit to that just have an order.

JasMeka: 9:00

I think have an order and knowing the strengths and weaknesses in our partners help with submission. But the question was why women don't submit. So I'm going to speak up for my sisters. Speak up. They're not submitting because some guys have no direction, no vision, no purpose. I've been trusting you for five years. Not you, but just saying I've been trusting you for five years. And if not, you, but just saying I mean trusting you for five years and no movement.

JasMeka: 9:31

No motion like nothing came about from me trusting you and leading that. Or, and let's be honest, black men don't have as many opportunities as black women, so they got their own resources. They come in with some heavy bags and it's like submit to you for what? Like I could pay all my bills if you leave me today. So I just think it's unfortunate, but it's what's happening right.

Sylvester: 10:01

So where society may, where society may have, kind of threw an imbalance in in the, in the power structure of of today's homes giving opportunities to women more so than what they destroy.

Sylvester: 10:16

The black right, uh, and a lot of our women, have taken the bait and they've taken on this attitude that, oh, if he, if he ain't making what I'm making, and yada, yada, yada, um, yeah, it's kind of thrown off. I think, um, when you, when you talk like that, you you're ignorant and you haven't looked at the actual statistics, you haven't looked at the numbers, the amount of men who are actually capable, like, who actually positioned to get those same positions that that that you're getting now, um, and making the money that you're making now, outside of the workforce, traditional workforce, um, there definitely are opportunities for men who make opportunities for themselves, right, so that's that. That's that if you're looking for a man who's you know to be nine to five and still be able to make the same as you, then that just may not happen in today's structure, um, society, wise, and it's not only money for women, like I'm not trying to paint them out of.

JasMeka: 11:21

If I make 200k I'm the man in his house. I think some women are making that and they still can submit to a trying, dedicated, loyal, determined god, not an entitled god that just feel like, oh, you got to take care of me because, you make the most or they're just doing his own thing. I said so what? What would?

Sylvester: 11:44

make their own thing outside. So what would make a woman you think what would make a woman who is making more than their man still be able to submit to him?

JasMeka: 12:20

Available, faithful, present, consistent, and it's safe for all women, because some people, some women, do make their money and get a little airy in the head and just get uppity and up there.

Sylvester: 12:39

Yeah, that power, power, power.

JasMeka: 12:40

So just don't go for all Just speaking of myself and in the space that I am in, I think that's what keeps women like that grounded. That's not for everybody, because some people get up there and be like this ain't going to work.

Sylvester: 12:54

Yeah, and I think if you're one of those women there just like, again, knowing what the strengths and weaknesses are of your partner, so if you know that your man may not be strong in the area of nine to five, or you know he do his thing but he ain't making what you making, you know what I'm saying then guess what?

Sylvester: 13:17

but but he has an entrepreneurial mind and, uh, then support him, support him yeah, like like all that extra money you making, then that shouldn't just be going to paying bills or taking trips but you, you know we coming against um, we coming against the way.

JasMeka: 13:36

So a lot of people ain't going to agree with us because right now it's a time of women, like it's a women movement, like a women empowerment, like everybody just put in dollars and support and grants and this to elevate the woman, and I'm not opposed to that. But I just feel like in that they're strategically destroying the black men, not the whites or whoever else whatever, but they're strategically destroying black homes by providing women who never had it, who feel like they're breaking generational curses, with resources, while they're destroying something else. So I think it's important for us to be careful of the tactics Like opportunities come where I can leave and neglect home and be making all this crazy money as a traveling therapist. My family come first, my home come first.

Sylvester: 14:34

The money is great, but so I mean again the beliefs, right, do we believe the same? Do we have the same values when we're getting together? Because if we don't and you think we do, but we ain't really had that conversation and then we get into it and then you start making more money than me and then you start taking those values that you have and acting out on them and I'm like, dang, what's going on, what you mean, like I feel like you tripping, I feel like you're neglecting the family, you're neglecting me and it's all about the money. But if I would have had them, the right, the intentional conversations beforehand in that dating stage, I would have had them to write, the intentional conversations beforehand in that dating stage, I would have understood what your mind was in regards to your individual goals versus family goals, goals for the family and as a unit. So again, while we're talking about submission, we have to understand and agree what the superior force is right.

JasMeka: 15:32

Yeah, who.

Sylvester: 15:33

Right. Who is the superior force that we? You know that may be different for different families and different cultures. Cool, what's the superior force that we submit to? Right? Are each one of us strong in to where we have the authority, a certain authority over those areas within our, our power, our home structure, to where I may be submitting to you in a certain area. You may be submitting to me in a certain area, Right.

JasMeka: 16:05

I think guys need to recognize that those submission look different in all areas, like when it comes to the kids, school and choice, you leave that solely on me. Why? Because I never fell, I never dropped a ball at it in it. You know I'm gonna do my research. Your school, your kids are placed at schools where they're safe and we're growing and it's fitting. But on the outside it could be seen as so you just let her pick all the schools and just do all of this.

Sylvester: 16:32

Submission looks different like if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And and it's a trial and error too uh, some things we had to do trial and error in to figure out who should have the authority over certain things.

JasMeka: 16:49

And then my husband's an accountant, y'all. But listen. But listen. When we first got together, he was over the finances and y'all know our story when we first got together If you don't go back to how we first met.

Sylvester: 17:00

First episode.

JasMeka: 17:02

Money wasn't. It wasn't an issue, but it was an issue. So my husband know how to make one plus one equals two, but God bless your girl. Well, one plus one equals five how he could do it Like I know I'm smart with the numbers. He's smart too, now don't get me wrong, but I was gifted in a way of numbers. So for a while he did it and I submitted, and then we realized babe, you paying these bills, but it's another way. And he was open to the other way. And that's where communication came in and we agreed that, okay, let's make this change, let's see how it goes. It wasn't just I say let's change it and we change it. No trial and error. I showed myself faithful in it and I continue to go. Yeah.

Sylvester: 17:52

Since then the money management self-faithful in it, and I continue to go as a person. Money management Also. You're way more passionate about it than me. That's just something that when she's stressed out, she go run numbers, she go do math. When she's stressed, that's her woosah. When you're dealing with a person like that, oh yeah, have at it, please. God bless you. So submitting right In that individuals, we understand. Now, submitting has to do with your strengths, my weaknesses, great. But then when it comes to vision, back to the power structure, right, the vision should be handed down from the vision for the family, should be handed down from that superior force that we talked about. That we both agree on right. And then from there I'm sure we both got individual goals for ourselves, right and aspirations. So how does that work, right?

JasMeka: 19:00

Well, when you say that I just hear who, what, when, where, why, who God, what we submit into when, how does that look? What we submit into when, how does that look? That's just like I think they need to ask who, what, when, where, why questions in every domain in the relationship, like I'm gonna submit to you. You know we're a couple. The bible say wives submit to your husband, husbands submit to no, no, no. He say husbands love your church yeah but in other words husbands, y'all better be submitted to God.

Sylvester: 19:34

Definitely, because God is the head of the man, I mean, and man is the head of.

JasMeka: 19:41

The family.

Sylvester: 19:42

I mean the wife, and then it trickles down from there, right.

JasMeka: 19:47

But I hear who, what, when, where, why, how, and I like where you was going before that.

Sylvester: 20:00

Because you was like, like the what is what?

JasMeka: 20:01

is our strength. So can I hear the where, the how and the why, um, the where, let's. You did it already. You said the finances. We did it.

Sylvester: 20:06

Taking the kids, yeah, depending on the different areas where that submission looks different finance, kids, spiritual um and who is, whoever is more strong in that area, whoever has the, that's who the authority is given to um and we talk and how does submission look?

JasMeka: 20:26

you better do what I said right now. If I do it no, because guess what?

Sylvester: 20:30

all right, so, so, so. So what I was kind of alluding to is that there's also a submission when it comes to vision. So, when it comes to vision, there's individual vision and then there's unit vision, there's family vision, right, and family comes first. With God. Family is first, because that's who we, that's the superior force that we submit to, and then so with with with god fan, since family comes first, and that means that the vision for the family comes over the vision for the individuals, right and that's why I had to submit to you in that area, because I struggled with, because I will always and you would say, uh-uh, jess, you're burning yourself for people outside this home.

JasMeka: 21:17

And one time I was about to go to a trip, a family reunion, exhausted, you was like bae, you better not get on that road, because you're not going to risk your life or my kid's life for you to go up there to a family reunion knowing you didn't even have time to sleep and whatever. I forgot what happened the day before I was supposed to get on the road. So I submit to you in that area because you're big on my house. First, these six, the elite six, like this is primary. And I had to submit and grow in that area with you Because I'm like no, yeah, this is my family too, and that's my family too, and that's my friend too, and that's my job too. So that's an area where I can say I submit all around because everything we do, we usually agree but that's your strength, that's my weakness.

Sylvester: 22:12

So we vision you know what I'm saying my individual. I know I got goals for myself and aspirations, but I can't place them over what's best for the family, right, my vision for myself as an individual has to connect with, coincide with, and it can't override, override the vision for the family. If it conflicts with it in any way, then that ain't something I should be aspiring for.

JasMeka: 22:41

That's why some women have a hard time submitting, because these men for the streets.

Sylvester: 22:46

And a lot of families you know may not have sat down.

JasMeka: 22:50

No, you didn't catch that. You didn't catch that. You didn't catch that because you'll be coming for my sister sometimes. These men be for the, these men be for the streets these women be for the streets but I'm just saying. I'm just saying the question was why don't women submit? Okay, okay first the man of the man if the man's out of order my man because if sex leaving you big like if he's out of order, though.

Sylvester: 23:19

But you have some men who are in order and they man, they woman still don't want to submit because she's out of order and she like it, it feel good, yeah, and and she may have. You know a lot of women. They don't like you say they they got opportunities that men are not given. They're making money that men ain't making nowadays, and, but I don't really see submitting to you, even though though you right in the sight of who. We agree, that is our superior force, you're right. But hey, I'm making all the money and I'm making my own decisions because I'm the one putting in the work for this here. But it's like that's what submission is. It's sub right under. You know what I'm saying? Um, before sub the mission, it's like nothing. Before the mission, make sure you're under the mission. What mission? The primary mission, which is the one for the family, not the one for yourself so maybe they're missing.

JasMeka: 24:28

What is our family mission?

Sylvester: 24:29

Right.

JasMeka: 24:30

What are we after? Mm-hmm, but I wasn't coming for the men. That's home and lovey-dovey and faithful, but you coming for the ones who out of order, I'm coming for the ones who out of order they out of order, Fellas you out of order.

Sylvester: 24:44

You can't be out of order, wanting somebody to be in order.

JasMeka: 24:46

Fellas, if you out of order Wanting somebody to be in order.

Sylvester: 24:49

Fellas, if you're out of order, please, by all means, get in order. Put your house in order, please, and it starts with you. It starts with you, and if she don't follow you, then she gotta take that up with the superior Uh Power that you guys have agreed To submit to.

JasMeka: 25:09

She gotta take to take that over him and for my, sisters, you got somebody at home who isn't at the level that you wish or desire them to be on. Help them Figure it out. Everything is figureoutable.

Sylvester: 25:30

Right, because guess what.

JasMeka: 25:31

It's going to work. What's going to?

Sylvester: 25:33

work Uh-huh, and you got to have an attitude. But then also remember if you're at home with somebody who, like you said, who is not up to your standards, just remember that you're the one that attracted that person. So at some point you guys were the same. You may have grown since then and that's cool. As long as they have a will to grow, you're there to assist them in that growth. You may think that they don't have a will to grow because they don't want to grow the way you want them to grow. You want them to do.

Sylvester: 26:11

Growing for you might mean ABCD, and if you ain't trying to attack these areas right here, then you ain't growing. It may not be for them. Their area may be the area that again, strengths and weaknesses. What areas right do they actually have authority in? What are their strengths? Assist them in their strengths. Don't just harp on what their weaknesses are. That ain't helping them. That ain't helping them. Back to what's primary the family, right, it's primary. So if the family is primary and progress is primary not saying we ain't got to fix some things we got to get that attention to whatever needs to be fixed.

Sylvester: 26:50

However, like I just was talking to somebody on the other day at a barbershop and he was like man look, I go through some trauma, man. He say you know, he lost his, lost his wife while he was in prison. She was murdered. People go through some real life stuff. So he was like man. The advice I was giving to another person, another barber, was that if you're going through trauma, if you're going through something, man, it's going to be something after something else. He said but what you can't stop doing is making money. Because what I asked him I say, how you got over that? How did you make it through that? He said I just kept doing something that was positive. He said I just kept busy, I kept productive with something that was positive, every day, one day at a time.

Sylvester: 27:41

He said, even now, today, if I got to cry, I'm going to cry right here at this chair and then ask the person who's getting a haircut what you getting today? He said if I got to, whatever it is, I'm going to go through it right here, while I'm continuing to be progressive, because it's not all about money. But what I'm saying is you can't. At the time, what he was talking about is that you can't make progress without money, and this is true in today's society. You know where we at Right you can't do it.

Sylvester: 28:15

Even the Bible say money answers all things. So without the money you can't do nothing. Your problems are going to grow. So you getting depressed and running away from whatever it is that makes you the money ain't helping you Cry. While you getting depressed and running away from whatever it is that makes you the money ain't helping you Right Cry while you getting the money. You know what I'm saying. Go through whatever that is while you get in and staying productive at whatever it is and staying consistent because consistency will pay off. And those distractions come to you so that you, so that you can break your consistency. That's really what it's after, because the laws of the universe that God created is that consistency will pay off, and so whatever opposes you this always happened to me is always one thing after another, like those things come to you so that it can throw you off of the path of consistency. That's the battle. So whatever you got to do to remain consistent, do that.

JasMeka: 29:15

You're speaking to the fellas.

Sylvester: 29:16

I'm speaking to everybody. Hey, whoever the shoe fit, you know what I'm saying.

JasMeka: 29:24

I just because, while you were saying that, I just visualized how some men probably struggle to let go of the mama leech and they get in these relationships with women and expect her to be their mother. So she will never submit. A child doesn't. A mother doesn't submit to the child, the child submits to the mother. So if men are getting in these relationships and expecting their wives to be their mama, how is she going to submit? I'm your mama.

Sylvester: 29:58

Right, you put her in a position that cannot submit to you she can't.

JasMeka: 30:03

I'm the mama, I'm the authority here. I can't submit, right? So if guys want women to submit, start being the daddies that y'all want women to call y'all. Can you be my daddy?

Sylvester: 30:17

Start being them.

JasMeka: 30:18

Yeah, they got to start being them, Like start being men.

Sylvester: 30:20

Start being men.

JasMeka: 30:20

Start being men, and then we'll have something to submit to. Okay, children don't submit. I mean children don't submit, I mean moms don't submit to kids, right?

Sylvester: 30:30

it's my way, it's what I say, and to my, to my dogs, who might not even be in this situation yet, because I know we got people that, hey, you ain't married, you ain't you know what I'm saying?

JasMeka: 30:37

you may still be single right now and you just keep y'all mamas, if this for y'all, this ain't an issue for us. Shout out to mama gail, I love my mother-in-law. Keep your mothers out of your relationships, because then your wives feel like I'm not submitting to you, I'm submitting to what your mama said. Then there's another area of why they don't submit.

JasMeka: 30:59

They're not submitting to you, they're submitting to your mama right but shout out to mama gail, mama Gil, listen, sis, understand her boundaries. She ain't trying to come in, she ain't trying to tell him how to rule. Yeah, so when he rules I know that you hearing from God and not everything I'm going to be like. I'm going to feel like you hearing from God, like today. He tried to make me do some extra sit-ups or whatever he had me doing. Baby, I struggled with submitting in that area because I was uncomfortable, and that's why women struggle too.

JasMeka: 31:40

We want us to submit, but we're uncomfortable to what you're telling me to submit to. I wasn't uncomfortable because I didn't believe you telling me the right thing. I was uncomfortable because I was tired.

Sylvester: 31:52

It hurted, it was too much, and guess what?

JasMeka: 31:57

I kind of resisted and fought back.

Sylvester: 31:59

Discomfort is the area that you actually grow. Discomfort helps you grow. Being comfortable will have you complacent and you stay in that same place. Whatever that is, you will not see no progress. A lot of us to that place where you're comfortable with being uncomfortable and understanding just the principle that being uncomfortable always got you somewhere. Think about it being comfortable ain't never got you nowhere, but the same place you at and a few extra pounds.

Sylvester: 32:46

That's the only place you're going to see some progress, that you know what I'm saying. So um and and and my baby, just cut me off right. I was waiting on her to say excuse me, baby. She never did um, but I guess, because it was about my mama, she felt like she had a pass what yeah? All right, my bad.

Sylvester: 33:10

I had to get it out there. Individuals, like I was saying, some individuals may still be single, may still be single and searching, and when it comes to y'all with submission, like let that start with you already, let it already know, like, already know, before you even get into dating, what your standards are, what your, your who, what when, where, how right, who it is that you already, who do you submit to? You know what I'm saying? What, what vision do you have as a man for your family that you may not even have yet, right? What vision do you have for them? What? What's your five year, 10 year? You know what I'm saying? 30 year, like go, because, guess what I realized when you start studying submission, it kind of leads into the fact that everything falls on.

Sylvester: 33:59

Everybody, submit, got to submit. Even the children has to submit to that vision, that family vision, which is the primary vision, because all individual goals, all individual missions, visions, have to fall under that and submit to it. I can't do nothing that's outside or that's going to clash with the primary family vision. I can't do it, and neither can the children. So when you talk about, oh, what are we going to school for? What should I study? Oh, all that should coincide with what we got going on.

Sylvester: 34:32

The vision that was handed down from our superior. You know what I'm saying Force.

JasMeka: 34:38

Well, we got to have mercy in that area because, you know, when kids become a certain age, just like women in marriage or guys that reach a certain standard, the vision of the family is far away, further away, and we have to constantly reel them back in.

Sylvester: 34:59

And that's when you realize, at least you know when did you see you? You don't even know if there's disobedience if you don't have a structure. You know what I'm saying. So If everybody understands what the vision is, right, of course everybody has to let's, let's, let's understand it and let's see what we fall in place with it. Right, because I believe that if there's a vision handed down from my superior force, then there's that there has to be certain, there has to be a place for everybody in it, without us even knowing. So that's why, a lot of times, that how and your who, what, when, where, how is above our pay grade. Some of that how is going to be above our pay grade. Some of that how is going to take faith for us just to believe that it's going to happen and fall into place the way it should, because we have a structure given to us from our superior force.

JasMeka: 35:57

Whatever day you decide to be a non-believer, is the day submission going to look crazy, crazy, crazy over here Because I ain't submitting, because I ain't submitting, I ain't submitting to nothing that ain't.

Sylvester: 36:13

That ain't uh I ain't submitting to a baby, jesus right I ain't doing it, so we're gonna get into parenting too, because next episode we got to because um especially when y'all gonna go into these relationships when you have a child that don't want to fall into line with the structure and the vision that was given down by the superior force that you've agreed to, then that child is out of order, it's disobedient, and then everything that falls in line with being disobedient, like you can expect, right, um, and even us right, you gotta have that order.

JasMeka: 36:58

You gotta know what to submit to it's a trending picture on a quote that's going around on social media. It says uncomfortable conversations create the most healthiest relationships and we've always said that. Like have those uncomfortable conversations, be honest. Like communicate how you're feeling or why you're afraid to submit, or what's the struggle and what that person is saying to you. Like have the uncomfortable conversation, gotta have them.

Sylvester: 37:31

Gotta have them. And it's the same. Nigga talk about how she ain't want to submit to being uncomfortable, but I told him why. I told him why.

JasMeka: 37:41

Holy Spirit activate. Because I told him why I was like, oh, I'm being my knees, I need my brace on or something, something gotta give. And then he understood and, kind of like, took the pressure down. So have those uncomfortable conversations so submission can look a little different and your submit, your submission, may look different from ours. People may look at ours and feel like child jazz, don't submit to me, you just don't know me right you just don't know our relationship, you don't know us.

JasMeka: 38:14

So go to god for your relationship and find out what submission look like for your relationship. Right, but just make sure y'all are submitting to a higher force and not just what that man saying, because I ain't trusting no man without God.

Sylvester: 38:30

Or not just what that woman saying.

JasMeka: 38:33

Not just what that woman, but that ain't. That ain't necessarily the order that the man is supposed to submit to the woman. The order is the wives submit to your husband. Okay, husband, be submitted to God.

Sylvester: 38:46

Yeah, but even so, right. I'm speaking more so on the individual support submitting to someone's will the will of a person. If that will of a person happens to be out of alignment with the vision for the family, then that will of a person you shouldn't follow.

JasMeka: 39:05

Listen. So that is out of the will for the vision of this family for me to have to exercise like that. That is out of the will for the family. It won't work.

Sylvester: 39:17

I can ask all my kids right now Y'all want a fat mama. No, you want an unhealthy mom. Y'all want an unhealthy mama. Yeah, unhealthy Because it ain't the no some people's body structure is just naturally that and they're healthy and that's great, but it ain't yours no, it ain't mine.

JasMeka: 39:36

My knees get to start hurting.

Sylvester: 39:39

Yes, when you wonder, like why this hurting and why that hurting? That's not your natural weight, that's not your natural like makeup, like you're not supposed to be holding that much weight, or you're not holding enough weight Because we have a lot of people that's slimming all the way down and you may not be holding enough weight for what you're really supposed to be holding, for that frame, your body knows.

JasMeka: 40:00

Enough, I thought you were about to say enough.

Sylvester: 40:03

No, I mean Shut up.

JasMeka: 40:11

So you got some people that's slim and having issues too because, absolutely you may not be healthy, healthy, and that's what we on, y'all we on healthy, let's be healthy, let's be whole, let's be, let's be grounded physically and we're not saying, we're that because we're growing emotionally every podcast episode y'all best believe. God sent a test our way. Like y'all really about that. All right, boom, let me see so. Communicate, get some therapy if needed. Keep God as the higher superior force. Yeah, do some assessments within that relationship.

Sylvester: 40:44

Do some assessments.

JasMeka: 40:45

And submission is for husbands. Lady Y'all out here submitting to boyfriends.

Sylvester: 40:51

Ooh, now listen though, too. Now, when you say assessments, I want to say that Assessments Like that, just meaning like assess, let's assess, let's take um, let's take some, some, some uh, some type of um notes in regard to what your strengths are, what my weaknesses are. That may be trial and error. You might have it right now, right In a certain area, and then we see oh no, you, okay, let me try.

JasMeka: 41:21

Right. Let's see how this works.

Sylvester: 41:24

This may not be the best way it could go.

Sylvester: 41:26

And that'll make you a less Right that don't mean you, even you may not be the best way it could go and that'll make you a less. That don't mean you, even you may not even be messing up, it just may be. You know what. I kind of see some things that we could be kind of, and then when y'all start doing that together, like going over these numbers and stuff together, like because we used to do it together, right Right now she just do it, but we used to do it together and that's how we realized, that's how I was able to realize that oh no, she really got this. She really got this, got this. You know what I'm saying. And it gave me more faith in that area with her.

JasMeka: 41:58

Family. That don't mean text me asking can you borrow money, because y'all done found out who running the finances over there. I don't run them.

Sylvester: 42:08

It still got to get passed on, agreed upon and then distributed.

JasMeka: 42:11

So yeah, that wraps up today. We going, we going, y'all, we, we racking them up. I don't even know. 15, 14, 15.

Sylvester: 42:25

We racking them up.

JasMeka: 42:27

We building a community. Our overall goal is to interview other married couples, to educate people that desire to be married or already married and trying to make it work. Coaching that is the mission of our family. Events Given by our superior force.

Sylvester: 42:47

Yeah.

JasMeka: 42:47

Which is God?

Sylvester: 42:48

but then, for now though, since we, you know, like I said, we don't really have the space to be having people come up in here, and but y'all can leave it down in the comments, whatever you may have to say in regards to like giving us, like, some tips, giving us, you know, sharing your experience with us in regards to this particular subject or any subject that we have, leave it down in there. We definitely reading.

JasMeka: 43:13

And don't forget to subscribe, share and like to help us build we out of here.

Sylvester: 43:20

I did good on that part. Huh and watch more videos.

JasMeka: 43:25

I'm just saying it's very important. Watch more videos. Gotta, watch more videos. Share it y'all. Share, share, share we out.

Sylvester: 43:49

Peace. Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life.