Relationships101Podcast

Distant Lovers; Can Long-Distance Relationships Truly Survive?

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 12

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Ever wondered if long-distance relationships can truly go the distance? In this heartfelt episode of Relationships 101 Podcast, JasMeka and I open up about our own experiences navigating the highs and lows of maintaining love across miles. Listen as we recount personal stories of navigating pregnancy apart, and the yearning for physical touch, underscoring that about half of such relationships manage to thrive despite the distance. Our candid discussion aims to bring you clarity and preparedness for your own long-distance love journey.

Join us as we explore how to overcome the anxiety and trust issues that often accompany long-distance relationships. Learn how setting clear goals and timelines can help alleviate uncertainty and establish a stronger connection. We delve into practical strategies like virtual dates, thoughtful gestures, and handwritten letters to keep the romance alive. By sharing our own journeys, we reveal how honest communication, self-awareness, and mutual effort are the keystones to a successful long-distance relationship.

Finally, we tackle the pitfalls that can arise, stressing the importance of transparency and regular check-ins to avoid misunderstandings and fraud. Our conversation emphasizes the need for self-awareness to prevent sabotaging a potentially great relationship. We wrap up with reflections on the resilience required to make these relationships work and how fostering healthy connections can contribute to a better world. Join us for insights and advice to navigate your own long-distance relationship with more clarity and confidence.

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Sylvester :

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101 Podcast and I am your host, sylvester Wilson.

JasMeka:

And I'm your co-host. JasMeka Wilson. Yes, baby. Let's get into it. We in a building Building. We in a building.

Sylvester :

And we building.

JasMeka:

Oh, okay.

Sylvester :

Yeah. All right, so today when we was doing our long-distance relationship stage. Right for some of y'all don't know, we went through that stage. Um, what were some of the struggles for you with that?

JasMeka:

it depends on what part you're talking about the part when I wasn't pregnant, the part part when I became pregnant. It was a rollercoaster for me. So the part when I, you know, wasn't pregnant, it was just a matter of trusting that you ain't down in Miami doing nothing crazy.

Sylvester :

Hoochie daddies.

JasMeka:

That's how I look at it. No, you can't look for a hoochie daddy.

Sylvester :

But you was being a hoochie daddy.

JasMeka:

Oh, okay, yeah, so that was that part. But then when I became pregnant, it became more so the physical touch that I was needing and I was missing. So that was my journey.

Sylvester :

Well, that physical touch is very important For me. I think it was more so because you're still in the early stages of learning a person. It's important to be able to be around them so you can kind of like you know sometimes you don't know what mood they in and you'll call a person and you you know, and somebody like you, like you I'm just saying like you can get in your head, you know what I'm saying and a person and I can't, you know, it'd be hard to tell where you at right now you know what I'm saying, and a person and I can't. It'll be hard to tell where you at right now you know what I'm saying. Earth to jazz. Where are you right now?

JasMeka:

You gonna make these people run from me.

Sylvester :

I don't care, as long as I stay with you. As long as I stay with you.

JasMeka:

I don't care.

Sylvester :

I ain't going nowhere.

JasMeka:

Peace. I just finished. I was playing.

Sylvester :

So for me that probably was the main thing.

JasMeka:

So it sounded like lack of communication, Because see text.

Sylvester :

We only had text messages and phone calls and occasional trips. You know what I'm saying.

JasMeka:

Don't forget those pictures.

Sylvester :

Pictures Mm-hmm Pictures.

JasMeka:

Text messages.

Sylvester :

Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. But we have like the.

Sylvester :

FaceTime and you know what I'm saying. So it was kind of hard to tell, just like how, if you're texting somebody right now, it's hard to kind of tell what the tone is, you know what I'm saying, what's behind, to tell what the tone. The tone is, you know what I'm saying in that, what it is. So, um, you have to actually call them and talk to them to kind of like tell a little bit more, and then you have to get around that person if you're trying to even figure out even even a little bit more as to what they are. So we, we, we had those barriers to kind of like. Those barriers for me were kind of kind of hard so can you say you had a lot of uncertainty?

JasMeka:

I ain't going to say a lot, but there was some uncertainty for you because of my communication style.

Sylvester :

No, I just think it just was areas where there were, uh, where it just made it a little. It was a little struggle. You know, you get in your head I don't care how secure you are it's hard not to get in your head, as in in a long distance relationship, like you're gonna get in your head at some point about it, because those fears are gonna start, it's gonna start to talk and we're wondering what they're doing and what and what they had and what that was in the background and who that was and what they might be. You know what I'm saying, like you, just you're not there, especially like there, especially.

Sylvester :

Like you know events and stuff like that that you might you know they going out with their homegirls or their homeboys, or they out right now, or they at a party, and I can't really talk to you right now. I'm going to hit you when I get to the crib and then you wondering, you know, what was that last voice you heard before they hung up Like that junk be hunting you? The voice is not and I'm a very secure person now and but you can't escape that in a long-distance relationship because you can't pull up, you can't.

JasMeka:

It's just a lot of unknowns that you have to deal with I would say I think it's important for people to be honest with themselves. Can I really do this?

Sylvester :

yeah, because it's hard is this something.

JasMeka:

I'm able to do with how I'm set up, how much attention I need, my level of insecurity. I think people need to be honest with themselves and be like can I really handle this? Because, according to the stats, what you were reading, you want to share it.

Sylvester :

You mean like the survival rate? Yeah, like. You mean like the survival rate? Yeah, well, I looked at a couple different sources and one of them was like 60. You know it's successful with long distance relationships.

JasMeka:

the other one was like 40 so we're just gonna round it off and say 50 you know I'm saying half half, half of relationships give me 50 half of relationships survive long distance long distance yeah, yeah, uh, we can we Relationships survive Long distance, long distance, yeah yeah, we can ride with that.

Sylvester :

I mean, you just asked me this the other day and like that wasn't the first long distance relationship I was in.

JasMeka:

Mm-hmm.

Sylvester :

So I had a little bit more experience, thank God, in facing those fears about it. And they are real, they don't change. It don't matter. The person can be very, you can trust the person and everything, but you're going to have those dark hours of wondering.

JasMeka:

As long as you don't project it on the person. Person because then, it can make me or make the person run like, okay, you keep pressing or putting this on me, so it's like, let me just do the things that you think I'm doing the anxiety of it all like you can get very anxious.

Sylvester :

So I feel like, um, you know some of those struggles would be quality not being able to spend quality time with the person, um, you know it being a limited quality time, right you to spend quality time with the person? Um, you know it being a limited quality time, right you can. Quality quality time is on the phone, um, not being able to see them like you want to because, guess what, unless you just balling like that to be able to just take a flight anytime you know what I'm saying or take a trip anytime.

Sylvester :

Like you know, travel expenses is definitely a struggle, um, or something that you have to for some, something that you have to take into account? Um, what else? Um?

JasMeka:

we already went over insecurities okay, so I mean your fears, your fears financial, you know, um, you already said the being able to touch them and be with them I mean anything else that you know.

Sylvester :

Maybe maybe some of y'all going through this right now could could kind of share. Just leave it down in the comments and let us know, um, because it helps too to know that you ain't the only one going through this, you know what I'm saying. Like maybe you ain't the only one going through this, you know what I'm saying. Maybe they should get like a long distance relationship group or something there's some out there like those support groups you need that crap, bro.

JasMeka:

That was one thing we talked about, like what do you think could help save long distance relationship if somebody gotta do it? Cause you got those military families and it's like we gotta. We don't gotta make it work, but, but we want to make it work.

Sylvester :

Definitely.

JasMeka:

And that was something we point out like get you a support group, Whether you're in a support group or you have a supportive group of friends. That's good.

JasMeka:

That can help, like those negative thoughts you're talking about, instead of me projecting it on you. If I had a friend that I can call and be like, instead of me projecting it on you, if I had a friend that I can call and be like sis, help me, because my mind is telling me this nigga is with somebody, like I heard a voice, but I really don't know. Like, just help me so that I don't have to keep bringing up this same issue to him and he eventually run away from it.

JasMeka:

Right. So I think having that and I don't think I had that during our long distance relationship, I don't think I had a friend that I was able to call on and project my fears on that's a. During those times you got to be careful because depression can kick in it can.

Sylvester :

On a long distance relationship it definitely can dog because your anxiety be so high. It's so high In those dark hours. High, it's so high in those dark hours. It's the dark hours, because when it's good, it's good, it's great you know, what I'm saying. You get your butterflies still and everything. Still is everything. That's great. But then you hang up.

Sylvester :

Now you hang up right breathing on the phone, go fall asleep on the phone together. I mean, all that be wonderful, but then those dark times, though, when you can't quite reach the person like you used to, I feel like you know faith plays a big part in that. It's a lot like you can't get away with relationship, having a successful relationship in any facet In my experience, without faith. I mean, even as parents, we're learning that you know you become a better parent the more faith you, you know, the more you grow your faith, uh, you become a better spouse, the more you grow your faith in those areas, in those areas in their relationship. Um, and you become a better, you know better chance of you having a successful uh-distance relationship when you actually can rely on your faith right.

JasMeka:

Remember we used to say I don't trust you, I trust the god in you. Yes, I think that can help people like not saying I don't trust you as an individual, but I trust the god in you. Like I believe your morals, what you stand for, what you believe will be strong enough to not, you know, defile this relationship.

Sylvester :

Not saying you're perfect, but I just trust that you got this and that's the thing too. Like not leaving some grace space, right, knowing that this is a long-distance relationship. Like have some grace, like don't.

JasMeka:

No, what type of grace you're talking about?

Sylvester :

I mean, you can't be trying to control people, because your anxiety is is going crazy about who, what, when, where, how, ok, well, you can't go. I mean that's grace in itself, like grace with your emotions, like don't rain all that down on me because you have an anxiety attack about, because you, you may not be able to ask me the questions right now I thought you were trying to say like hand out hoochie daddy passes, like get them a pass to mess up.

Sylvester :

No, I ain't saying that. I just want to clarify. Not saying that at all.

JasMeka:

He's not saying grace for your hoochie daddy. Pass no saying that at all. He's not saying grace for your hoochie daddy past.

Sylvester :

No, no, no, I ain't saying that, but you have to understand that, and more so too, I guess I mean like giving yourself grace too in that right. You can't let yourself drive your, you can't let your mind drive you crazy about it. So you have to be able to say, hey self, you know, this is a long distance relationship like I gotta practice some type of trust in this.

JasMeka:

I can't trip like that I will say I think it's important to know the angle because it'll help with those moments. Like if we know, okay, we're just in this long distance relationship for a year, I'm gonna move up or you're gonna move, then I think that timeline will help. When you're in this long distance relationship for a year, I'm going to move up or you're going to move, then I think that timeline will help. When you're in a long distance relationship with somebody who that thing just floating around, Just no, I'm going to stay in Atlanta, you stay in Detroit, it's just.

Sylvester :

It's like what are the goals?

JasMeka:

Yeah. What's the goals? What's our timeline? What are we trying to do here?

Sylvester :

line. What are we trying to do here? I think getting goal, your goals aligned, I think, together and having that conversation at some point sooner than later will quiet down a lot of that anxiety about it, I think.

JasMeka:

So I agree with that right because it was like we were serving a sentence. Boy, I was moving up to miami made something. It became a countdown, like okay, we got a month, two months, like. So I think that timeline or just talking about what y'all overall goals is as a couple would definitely help the relationship, unless some people just want to be in a long-distance relationship because they don't want to be aggravated or they don't being married three to four times.

JasMeka:

Well, this message not for you right because some people like I love my long distance, I guess I guess it, then it also um, it makes a difference in where you are in your life at the time.

Sylvester :

Like, what stage of your life are you in? Um, some people like you say they may have already been through all of that. Right, and you know, just having that type of relationship that you stand like it's not such a big thing for them. They are comfortable with talking on the phone with somebody and having somebody to you know the long-distance thing is comfortable for them right taking a trip, one trip a year, like you. I mean it. You got people that. Like that I work with some people Listen.

JasMeka:

It's all walks of life, I am man.

Sylvester :

It's all walks of life man.

JasMeka:

When they say 60% are successful. Right now I'm the 40%, because what relationship is thriving off of me? And one time per year, what's happening?

Sylvester :

all in the left one, I don't know, see, look I work with some older people right I work with some older people who they're married and their spouse lives in a different country you said older, I don't gotta say too right, so they're trying to understand their dynamic when you're a young person. They don't have the cares and the worries that we have right, and if they did at one point they've come to grips with those and it's a different. It's a different world, definitely a different world.

JasMeka:

They're older, so I get it, I understand, I respect it. But, yeah, this message is for those that are trying to find that balance to make this long distance relationship work, because we've been there, so we just point it out like, hey it, but for us it was a it's going to make it or it's going to make it. That just was the two options. So whether we needed to cry, sleep, like whatever we needed to do in that moment of peace, it was we going to make it or we going to make it, and that was just that.

Sylvester :

And it would have been easier if we had like FaceTime. You know what I'm saying. So if you, if you're doing that right now, if you're doing long distance right now, there are some strategies that that'll help you out. There are some things that you can do I'm sure they, I'm sure they maximizing them. But reinforce some shots I mean definitely I'm sure they doing a facetime going on virtual dates definitely. Um, that's something that's new, uh, to me anyway, we should have a virtual date.

JasMeka:

anyway, we should have a virtual date.

Sylvester :

Those trips. We should have a virtual date. I think it'll be fun.

JasMeka:

Yeah, let's try a virtual date.

Sylvester :

I think it'll be fun. What?

JasMeka:

does that look like? Like I go to a restaurant and you go to another restaurant and we set each other up on our phone and just eat together?

Sylvester :

Yeah, pretty much. Or we could be home Like you could be at your house I could pretty much. Or we could be home like you could be at your house, I could be at my house and we could just set up a nice little romantic. You know, sit the sit when you can see my tv and and we actually watch a movie, or, and also they also have um virtual dates, um vr style now, but you could put, you put on your, your vr you gotta have your vr glasses, like the oculus things that we bought, say, put those on, I mine on, and we can actually meet virtually in a room, at a movie somewhere, and it's like we're in each other's space. We can hear my voice, I can hear yours virtually, we can hold hands and it's crazy. I tell you, yeah, man, yeah, this is the future. You better believe it.

JasMeka:

The Jetsons thing y'all better not be in that VR humping. I mean, yeah, I mean what the hell you could go to VR and hold him and hug him, whatever works man you can watch whatever you want to watch.

Sylvester :

Yeah, whatever works. So you can watch whatever you want to watch. Yeah, whatever works. So you know. And then what? Taking those trips? Um, even if you have to, I feel like, even if you don't have even your finances and resources ain't there, man, look we'll as well as we. You know what I'm saying they probably scared of spirit. But when you got that shoe, who gonna be?

Sylvester :

I'm telling you $30 flight, or yeah it's cheaper when you go to the bush. It's cheaper when you go to the counter as opposed to ordering it on or catch, and I think that only worked for spirit in my experience, only spirit.

JasMeka:

Yeah, or go to the um bus station and see what's cheaper bus flight. What's gonna get me there? What's the route?

Sylvester :

yeah, where you gonna be at, uh planning, uh, you know hotel stay or um, you know, even if it's your place, you know their place or whatever. Uh just planning that out.

JasMeka:

It could, it could definitely be y'all gotta go have, you know um so we're gonna go elementary style on them day and but we was like, well, I think, a long distance relationship. We got to talk about the five senses oh, oh, okay, well, let's break it down, let's break it down the five senses of long distance relationship.

JasMeka:

You know they got all these. They put a number to everything Five love languages, five this five, this, five, that. So I think we should go over the five senses of a long distance relationship and get them strategies for each domain on how to make it work.

Sylvester :

I can understand that, because so it's just saying, I guess, that because y'all are long distance, it's like what are some ways that you could appeal to the senses, all of the senses of this person, right, because you can't physically be in their space to touch them, to smell them to, you know, to feel that, like you can't really. So what are some more creative ways that you could fulfill these senses?

JasMeka:

we already know how they could see them, see them, see them. I'm already trying to get to touch. You know, you facetime zoom? Yeah, you know um jump on a hop on a call yeah, definitely.

Sylvester :

You got google chat, you got all type of ways you can do that touch them, though they're gonna have to touch them other ways Cause they can't physically. I just talked about the virtual. Y'all might want to be all that time. Yes, sir.

JasMeka:

They can stand rows, they can touch their heart.

Sylvester :

You can touch their heart. You can touch them other ways. They can touch them other ways. They can touch their heart. Gifts are very. They can touch their pockets. Gifts are very important. They can touch them other ways. Surprise them with a gift, with a knock at the door. It's so much more potent when this is that long-distance relationship and you do something like that. Send them a gift, that's a good one. Touch them in other ways. What else you got? The?

JasMeka:

smell the smell. Send me your shirt. Mail me something that smells like you. Okay, a musky. Send me a shirt. Mail me something that smells like you.

Sylvester :

Send me a musky shirt. Put all your funk on it.

JasMeka:

Don't do that. Do not. Don't do that. Send something with your scent on it that we can smell, or leave something behind when you come from a trip that has your house.

Sylvester :

A handwritten letter, you A handwritten letter, you know, a handwritten letter with the scent, with your perfume on it. Spray that thing With the kiss, with the lipstick. Come on, it means something, especially on that long distance vibe.

JasMeka:

I ain't going to take some, though Listen, share some edibles, send them some edibles send them some yeah, like cinema oh, edible arrangement.

Sylvester :

Edible arrangement, though, and you can find those in different. You know you got flower shops in every city, every state. You can look online, find a flower shop. Next, you know you got flower shops in every city, every state. You can look online, find a flower shop. Next, you know closest to their address, or whatever, and get that thing delivered. Edible arrangements, flowers, candy.

JasMeka:

Or they could go to the restaurant, like we go to the same restaurant. You sit up with your phone, I sit up with mine. We FaceTime each other and order a meal like we're together.

Sylvester :

Right.

JasMeka:

And let's eat together.

Sylvester :

Let's break bread, definitely, definitely. I also saw something that was interesting. It was like they call it like a project, project date or something like that. So what it is is like, let's say, you like you got a busy you know pretty busy lifestyle. Both of us are pretty busy, you know what I'm saying, and we got things that we got to get done. But you know long distance relationships, you break rules with that. Like we can just watch each other, just have the phone on and you can just see me, just because, right, um, just so you can feel like you're in my space and I'm in yours, when you really got to be talking, um, but I'm on the other side of doing my thing, right together, whatever I need to put together, hanging stuff, da-da-da, and you could be doing what you're doing on your side of the screen and giving me little pointers, little suggestions.

Sylvester :

Hey maybe you should da-da-da, blah-blah-blah. I'm like oh, that looks nice, maybe you should da-da-da. And then, when we come into the end of what we're doing, the project that we doing, or whatever, um, I could do something sweet, like, you know, order a pizza and send it to your dough you know what I'm saying or something like that.

JasMeka:

uh, for afterwards, I mean you know like it's I think it's important to go back to those times when we were teens, because we were it's like you long distance relationship, your parents.

Sylvester :

Oh yeah, you had a lot of boundaries that you had to see that person, that boundaries you couldn't see that person.

JasMeka:

That much you couldn't talk to that person that much, so it was like a long distant relationship. So if we go back to our youth and imply, whatever we was doing in those times whether we was talking on the phone, laughing, sending text messages, writing letters- breathing on the phone leaving voicemails, whatever we making playlists and sending a song yeah, I think, don't forget your youth, because some of those things sending pictures and that time can you know, help you, and that we're just trying to talk about all ways to make relationships work, like because if dating in your city ain't working.

JasMeka:

I done heard this one before. I don't know about you Ain't nobody in Miami, everybody in Miami. They don't want nothing, but they ain't going after that, they just want all this and that. So, hey, maybe you need to drive up to Orlando, or just I don't know, maybe you need to travel to find somebody else, Maybe someone else.

Sylvester :

I heard people say, like some of us. I heard people say they rather go to the islands and get them a woman because of the type of women in the city.

JasMeka:

It's just too fast.

Sylvester :

You got to know yourself. You got different.

JasMeka:

If you was in Jamaica, baby, I don't think I would have did a relationship across seas.

Sylvester :

I don't think my mind it's a trip just like any other trip. I don't think my mind. That's a trip just like any other trip.

JasMeka:

I don't think my mind can handle this level of.

Sylvester :

Don't worry about it. You get smitten once you get bit with that love bug.

JasMeka:

It's important to know what you can tolerate.

Sylvester :

You're willing to go past what you thought you wouldn't be doing, because I know a lot of y'all in long-distance relationships right now. Some of y'all probably never imagined yourself in this type of relationship, putting up with what you're putting up with in a long-distance relationship. It's a lot but, like you said, it's important to have that conversation when we headed at with this. You know what I'm saying. It's hard to do that casually. You understand what I'm saying. I think long distance relationships are more so for people who they definitely have an aim and a goal, um, and they're actually trying to build something and put something together like for real, not just on the casual. You know I'm saying it ain't just one of them. Oh, I met you, you know, when you was down here in the city and Labor Day, weekend or something. I'm trying to like hook up with you, right, right.

JasMeka:

Yeah, like one of them.

Sylvester :

You actually trying to build something, and this might be somebody you can build with. You know what I'm saying. They just happen to be from somewhere else or from where you from, and then situations change. Maybe they went off to school, maybe they had to take a job somewhere else, or maybe they just had to move for whatever reason. Talk about what those goals are so that you guys have a timeline on that.

JasMeka:

Anything else I would say don't try to hang on to nothing that you know is dead, like you crying every night cause he's not answering your calls and your mind telling you what he's probably doing. If he stopped answering, take the clue Like maybe he moved on.

Sylvester :

Maybe he moved on, but don't do that on the first call.

JasMeka:

I just feel like people be like oh my gosh, he not answering, or he not this, he not that, he not this, he not that.

Sylvester :

But then you got to check yourself too. You got to check yourself too because sometimes, like I said, it's easy for that anxiety to just flare up and you could just be tripping. You could just be speeding right now, like calm down. I know, when you in love with somebody, you know you got to kind of pump them brakes a little bit before you overwhelm the other person. We got different personalities. You know what I'm saying. You might be a go go, go, go go. That person might be a real chill person and a lot of times you're going to. If you're that type of person, you're going to attract the opposite type.

JasMeka:

So the fact that you expect that person to respond the way you would. If that was the case, you'll be dating yourself. I can't date myself.

Sylvester :

We had this conversation all the time exactly we'd be like I.

JasMeka:

I can't date him. I cannot date myself. That means somebody that's like me. We will probably die by the age of 50 just early just early because I'm gonna go go, go, go, go, go, go go. Probably miss a meal and go go, go, go go.

Sylvester :

Yeah, no, I couldn't do it with me so it's like you gotta leave him respect, like that's what. That's the type of grace I was talking about too, like just knowing that listen, let me pump my brakes. Like apply some grace to this person because it's long distance. It's hard on them too, but they got things that they got to get done. They got the life.

JasMeka:

That's the good people. You got some people that y'all better discern these long distance relationships. I done heard stories where people were sending men money overseas just hoping that it was a relationship and come to find out it was something fraudulent. That's where I'm coming from. Y'all discern these relationships Crosswaters, right there outside of your state. Discern what it is. Some people don't come to Miami for fun, got a whole family back in, wherever they from, and then you keep stressing yourself about he don't answer at night, like maybe there's a family.

Sylvester :

Right.

JasMeka:

Does her.

Sylvester :

So that's why I feel like, with long-distance relationships, you know whether you knew the person prior or not. But I know sometimes it's like us, like we knew each other prior to our long-distance relationship. Um, so you at least have a just on the type of character this person has or whatever, right, um, but either, either way, I feel like transparency is key. Right, transparency is key. That's me doing whatever I need to do, right, to help you out, to help calm those fears down and those anxieties.

Sylvester :

Now, like I said, I ain't here to lie to you or to like cater to that anxiety, like that. You need to be kind of like getting a grip on, like don't rain down on that other person all of your fears but on the other end of it, still don't give them anything. Right, you understand it's a struggle. It's a long-distance relationship there's not no regular one, so you can't exactly treat it like that. Um, you got to kind of give it the long distance grace that it needs, meaning that an extra call, an extra check, check-in. You know, I'm here right now, after I leave here, I'm going here Like that's just that transparency, right, and open communication that that person needs, man, so that they ain't tripping.

JasMeka:

Right.

Sylvester :

And if you care for the person, right then do that. Like it takes that and vice versa, like it should be.

JasMeka:

Recipro should be um reciprocated so work on those automatic negative thoughts that come in our head, those little ants like you can't control them, they just come and they come in the flood, like give you a trail of them. He doing something, he with somebody, where you at, where you going? I wonder who he with who he talking to do?

JasMeka:

we really like me like work on shutting them thoughts down like speak the opposite, especially if this person is showing you like I'm in this relationship for us, like if they're not giving us no reason, and I say that during our time, a long-distance relationship, it wasn't one time you've ever that I could think of giving me a reason that dane is man possibly doing something right because when I call, you answer whether you was at work, you abam mccoy, or are we falling asleep at night on the phone?

JasMeka:

and it's like, well, how will he be with somebody if we fall into sleep on the phone every night? Like like, well, how will he be with somebody if we falling asleep on the phone every night, like what other woman will lay there while you on the phone with me every night? So, um, I think just, especially if they're not giving you nothing to have these don't go looking for if they're not giving you nothing.

Sylvester :

Don't go to digging and looking for it because it's like do you want this to work or not? I ain't saying don't cover all your corners. No, definitely.

JasMeka:

I think you're talking to the middle. We gonna check, we gonna look, we gonna make sure, but don't overdo it.

Sylvester :

Listen, because it still reigns true, right, it's still true. If you look for something, you're gonna make sure, but don't always do it. Listen because it still reigns true, right, it's still true. If you look for something, you're gonna find it eventually and it's gonna be a good person. But you're looking for perfection and you're not gonna find perfection, even if that's a good person. So if you keep looking, you keep looking, you're gonna find something somewhere at some point in time.

Sylvester :

The way this was not perfect, it was not a saint, it may not have been something crazy, but, oh dang, it'll be something that may be questionable, but you went digging, digging, digging and this could have been just unreasonable. So it's kind of like ask yourself are you? Because sometimes those fears, we can turn those fears on ourselves. Your anxiety level is high, you are really afraid and you're trying to talk yourself out of this. If that's the case, be real with yourself, man, I ain't ready for this, for real, I mean.

Sylvester :

And it's just like any other relationship to where even if it was somewhere close distance, you know, like a regular relationship where you could see that person roll up on whatever. Even in those relationships, work on yourself first. You may realize that, listen, I'm not ready to actually date right now. Right, you got to care about yourself that much to know. Hey, yeah, I need to work on me some more and so that when I get in a relationship and find somebody that right that I really care about, I don't mess it up. That is not me, because you can't tell me, it's always the other person.

Sylvester :

You just may be talking yourself out of a good thing every time it happens. Some of y'all out there, you're talking yourself out of a good thing every single freaking time, because you're going to look until you find something. There ain't never going to be a time you ain't going to find something when you're looking for it.

JasMeka:

You coming mighty heavy hard over there because I don't, I don't.

Sylvester :

People, people, actually people actually sabotage themselves. Good things, yeah, they say you can sabotage it. So get yourself whole, right to where, when you go to discerning, your sensitivity levels are where they need to be. It's not too sensitive. You know what I'm saying. Because, like, if you're not healthy, your sensitivity level can be too sensitive or not sensitive enough. You know what I'm saying. And it's just because you're not whole, you're not altogether healed from that last thing or whatever. Something I learned over the weekend was that demons hide in scabs and wounds. You know what I'm saying. And unless you heal those things, you got a lot of issues to deal with. So let's practice.

Sylvester :

Let's do some practical stuff in here before you jump off every sunday in church talking about you want to get prayer and don't compare yourself to relationships where people are able to touch each other, like just because you're in that long distance relationship.

JasMeka:

Don't look at bob and sue and be like, oh my gosh, I just wish. I just wish because guess what's gonna happen? The enemy gonna hear that wish and he gonna send you somebody in your state, your city and fulfill that wish. And people that's freaking together in the same state, child, a relationship, probably more broken or spaced out than what you got. So don't be on that social media scrolling. If he was just here, we would go to the beach. Oh look at them. They're traveling. Oh, look at them. Be careful of the enemy, cause it's real Like you'll lose it.

Sylvester :

So I mean that was good, that was good, Good stuff Y'all long. This is relationships long distance relationships.

JasMeka:

We wrote in for y'all. Man, it's possible we was on a 50 percent.

Sylvester :

We made it like they say we made it sure. I think with us it probably was the 60 or the 70 that don't make it or make that don't make. I think the don't make it was was higher in our, in our time oh, because we, because we have as many tools to use. Like yeah, boy, you had to really want it back then.

JasMeka:

I wonder if, just thinking, I wonder if I did not become pregnant with Sage um, would we you? Know, Would we have made it Because we're not together for our kids? Let's just we're not together for them kids, I just all right.

JasMeka:

We're not together for them kids I tell you what we love them the world may never know just a thought, just a thought, just a thought. But yeah, that was another conversation with us. We come on here and just talk that stuff. Like we just talked, we're looking for some healthy relationships to connect with, build with, grow with. That's right. We believe in um, healthy relationships, create healthy families. Build with, grow with. That's right. We believe in healthy relationships, create healthy families and we'll make the world a better place. Everybody's screaming oh, we want peace, we want justice. It starts at home.

Sylvester :

It starts with you. It starts with you definitely, so we're working on those Grow with us.

JasMeka:

Let's go.

Sylvester :

Peace, peace.