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Financial Secrets That Can Ruin A Relationship

• Sylvester & Jasmeka Wilson • Season 1 • Episode 11

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Can financial disputes really be the leading cause of divorce? Discover why managing money wisely is crucial for marital stability. In this episode of Relationships 101 Podcast, we challenge the conventional wisdom of maintaining separate bank accounts in marriage. Through a thought-provoking story about a wife secretly stashing money, we reveal how such actions can erode trust within a relationship. We emphasize the vital role of open communication in financial matters to keep relationships healthy and strong.

Men's mental health, particularly in the context of marriage and financial stress, takes center stage as we explore the anxiety and depression many face. We debunk the myth that secrecy and stashing money are solutions and instead advocate for honest conversations between spouses. Learn why intentional dating to uncover financial habits and compatibility before tying the knot can pave the way for a healthier union. We encourage men to focus their energy on improving their relationships rather than succumbing to fear and anxiety.

Finally, we dive into the complex dynamics of money, power, and accountability in relationships. From the pitfalls of using money as a control mechanism to the benefits of sharing financial power, we discuss how transparency and collaboration can prevent toxic behaviors and strengthen your bond. We also outline the importance of discussing financial habits early in dating, suggesting the fourth date as a prime opportunity to gauge a partner's money management skills. Tune in for a light-hearted yet informative wrap-up on the importance of financial stability in fostering fulfilling partnerships.

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Sylvester :

Welcome to Relationships 101 Podcast, where we share experiences to help newlyweds and aspiring newlyweds understand the importance of a healthy relationship so that they can thrive in this world called married life. Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Relationships 101. I'm your host, Sylvester Wilson.

JasMeka:

And I'm your co-host, Shazmika Wilson.

Sylvester :

Yes, baby.

JasMeka:

Money, money, money, money. Hey, hey, Money. That's what we're talking about today. Y'all, I was waiting on this topic. I've been ready to tap into this finance, this financial topic, because everybody's sweating a financial guru, with their relationships filling. So it's like, okay, you know how to master money, but not relationships, right?

Sylvester :

Yeah.

JasMeka:

But we're going to get into it. Why? Because it is.

Sylvester :

Money time.

JasMeka:

What it is the leading cause. They say 20 to 40 percent of divorces and because of financial disputes oh really yeah, so to make it more practical, if you see 10 couples four couples out of that 10 it's gonna end because of financial reasons.

Sylvester :

That's hard. That's hard, but it's real.

JasMeka:

So we got to make sure we ain't one of the four. I'm telling you when we were with 10 people got to keep their eyes on them books.

Sylvester :

Keep their eyes on them books.

JasMeka:

So do you feel like them? Keeping their eyes on the books is what's going.

Sylvester :

Yeah, definitely, but some of the reasons for it are what books? Facebook the money books, not facebook the money. But facebook have you spending. You know what I'm saying? It'll have you tapping into that pocket, but I'm talking about the money books, the account. Keep your eyes on those numbers because, uh, when they deplete, like you say, the marriage starts depleting but it says, marriage is until death. Do us part not till money run dry that's true, but as a wise old man told me before, finance kills romance that's true and uh, if you ain't got no finance, then you ain't got no romance.

Sylvester :

I'm sorry, it's gonna make it real hard so how do you feel about couples?

JasMeka:

no, let me clarify yeah, because if I'm dating somebody, I'm not combining nothing like I don't even know who you are, how you handle your money, how risky you are. Okay, okay, none of that. I mean, that's fair. So I'm going to specify yeah, how do you feel about couples that have separate bank accounts?

Sylvester :

Hmm, again, depends on the type of couple. What level are they on? Are they a committed relationship couple? I'm talking about your married. Are they dating? Oh, are you married, you and your boy? You're married. Okay, okay, okay. Um, I don't. I don't necessarily believe that it's the best thing to have separate accounts separate accounts? I don't, uh, I don't think that you should. I mean, what's the reason for it? That gotta be my, that's my question. What's the reason for it?

JasMeka:

what's the reason for the separate account?

Sylvester :

yeah, because I saw this. I saw this video. It's a video on social media right now going around with this lady um, it's talking about, uh, somebody else's um. On the podcast it was reading a story from a lady who, uh, a wife who had this secret account stashing her little secret, little stash. She was emergency stash, she, you know, just in case, stash. She's stashing money away and I think she was putting away something like some like 600 or something dollars, like every, because she was the one in charge of the finances and you know I'm saying moving the money around. So she was putting this, this big 600 and something dollars, I think, away every, every time. And, um, the man lost his job and the man went up to my, he down to ubering doing uber eats you know what I'm saying.

Sylvester :

And and not letting her work. So he he had to do a whole lot of it's a whole lot of eating and Ubering going on and he would not let her work. However, she steady stash.

JasMeka:

And she said the only, so she never told him about it. She never told him about it, like it didn't come out when they got in. That.

Sylvester :

It ended up coming out, but what she started to say no like she ended up spitting some money out because he lost his job.

JasMeka:

Heck, nah, oh, that was hard spitting some money out because he lost his job.

Sylvester :

Heck nah. She got this advice from her mother, who was, you know it was not good advice, just because that's your mama Right, her mama could have been some bruised and battered woman who she can only give advice from her experiences, which were not good ones. And you know experiences. We have experiences so that we can learn from them. If you don't learn from them, then you can't give sound advice from the experience if you didn't learn a lesson right from the experience. And obviously her mama, um she, you know that's probably the lesson her learned.

JasMeka:

She probably was one of those that invested fully into her marriage and yet at the end of it she walked away with nothing. So her trauma she's, you know, living it out through her daughter. Like hey, have a secret stash not saying I agree in a secret state no, I'm just, but that's, that's what. That's what she was coming from yeah, she was probably coming from that place because she probably did that, but I just feel like a secret stash to leave. Why is that even a thought?

Sylvester :

why is that? Even a thought like you gotta know your person, like know the person you with. If you, if that person make you feel like you need a secret stash, then you probably don't need to be there like all together. Oh, y'all need to start talking about whatever that. Whatever it is about that person that makes you feel that way. Let's start addressing that Instead of just being passive aggressive, because that's really like Passive aggressive finances. That's a passive aggressive way to handle your finances. Right, I ain't gonna argue about it, I ain't gonna address it, I'm just gonna start stashing money and that's not the way to handle that. If your spouse makes you feel away, um, and make you feel like you got to be doing something like that man, step to your spouse.

JasMeka:

Man, like y'all had that talk, that hard talk, because I was that hard conversation about that I was gonna say like maybe the guy, because you know I always gotta speak up when you come for the women. You know I'm a woman.

Sylvester :

Oh, I ain't came for them yet.

JasMeka:

I'm not stashing money, but I'm saying what if she's dating a guy who's either doing something illegal, illegal activity?

Sylvester :

Okay.

JasMeka:

And she's afraid that one day he may possibly go to jail, he may possibly lose it all. So I got this secret stash for myself to leave. How do we handle those type of relationships?

Sylvester :

I mean, if that's okay, if that's the scenario, I can understand that. You already know that this thing is fleeting.

Sylvester :

I mean everything is fleeting right, like even these jobs and these careers that we got, that we put so much faith in. That could be here today, gone tomorrow, absolutely so. But what I? I just don't agree with the secret part to see, like let's say, okay, bae, I'm gonna be putting away some money just in case. Okay, um, because I know you doing what you doing Right, so I'm going to be packing this away just in case, right For us, just in case For us Even so, if you go away, me and the kids we taking care of Well, I'm taking care of.

Sylvester :

You know what I'm saying? Okay, All right, not a secret. If he got a problem with that, then now you got to think about.

JasMeka:

What you're doing.

Sylvester :

The person you with. Now you got to reevaluate the person you with if he got a problem with that. That's just forward thinking.

JasMeka:

And then when we speak on mental health issues, say there's substance abuse or gambling or addictions, that takes away from the family, from the family, um, from the family, then you got those type of women. That's kind of so I guess I'm just trying to point out for us is it's not all for one, like put all the money together? There are some instances I believe there should be separate accounts, because if this spouse is using drugs or whatever it may be, and it's to the point where y'all putting y'all money together, collectively we can't pay these bills because of your addictions.

JasMeka:

I'd be a fool.

Sylvester :

Nah, definitely to follow the norm of there should be one bank account but what's crazy is that, see, she was the one in charge of moving the money around. That's the thing the white.

JasMeka:

Oh, you're talking about this, okay so I don't I had okay from that one, because in that instance, yeah, such just got advice from somebody who was traumatized right and she told her daughter hey, put some money away, just in case this man decides to go.

Sylvester :

And then guess what happened at the end. What she prepared for happened Absolutely. So, in essence, she used her faith. She definitely did and it worked, but it's just she used it to destroy her marriage. Like faith is going to work regardless, right.

JasMeka:

Mm-hmm.

Sylvester :

She actually started putting money away for that thing right, without even seeing it, without it even existing, she started preparing for it she prepared. She used her faith, her thoughts to manifest that in her marriage. So why couldn't she use her faith? To say it's gonna work to manifest you know this thing actually working for her husband and for herself.

JasMeka:

Right we look we use a lot of faith y'all because, um, baby, it's one account. If somebody ever thought they was gonna get my husband money, they they gonna have to want you for another reason, because the money is another reason, because the money is unaccessible. Like we are joint, there's that one account. We see transactions, we notice transactions, we talk about budgets and we're using our faith that, hey, in the end we hope this is to do us part.

JasMeka:

I mean, that's what we aiming for that's what we aiming for however, I feel like a lot of secrecy and when accounts are separated and committed relationships. I feel like it just leave way for too much to happen. It do, whether you paying for sex. Cash app in your slider. I just feel like it gets too messy when money is secret.

Sylvester :

Paying for secret hotel rooms.

JasMeka:

Secret hotel I mean's definitely.

Sylvester :

Uh, it definitely leave a lot of space, space room. Another thing um, another wise man said right that I picked up on. He said you know I've had plenty, he said, in my marriage I've had plenty opportunities to fail. I just never took any. And and to me those are opportunities to fail, because ain't nobody superhuman, ain't nobody perfect.

JasMeka:

Right.

Sylvester :

There's no perfect husband and those opportunities like you want to like. Let's lessen those opportunities for failure. Let's lessen them. Let's not even give ourselves those opportunities, man, if we can help it. But you said I was coming for the women. Yeah, you was coming for the women. I ain't actually started coming for the women yet.

Sylvester :

Because let me bring up a real good fact right, I should have got the numbers on this, but I'm guaranteed there's a very, according to the conversations I'm having with men, ok, ok, and experiences that men have had OK. And this is the month of men's mental health. Ok, there's a lot of men who go through mental anguish, depression, anxiety, even within their marriage, because, for whatever reason, something that they're getting from the spouse. Like I said, y'all gotta have that hard conversation and attack that. Whatever that is makes you feel that way. But they're having some issues with feeling like they need to be putting away some money for themselves, like they need to be putting away some money for themselves. They need to be having a secret strategy.

Sylvester :

Guess what happens, the way the system is set up for us, if there is a split nine times out of ten, if anybody is going to have to find another place to stay, it's going to be that man.

Sylvester :

If anybody else anybody going to have to find another place to stay, it's going to be that man. If anybody else is going to have to build up from the ground up as far as financially, it's going to be that man, and it's going to be harder with child support or alimony on top of that. Yeah, so a lot of guys who have been or seen other guys left out in the cold like that and that woman may love you now, but then when all those emotions and the toxicity get in there and all of the you know, at that moment it's like a dog-eat-dog thing. It's a dog fight when it comes to those divorces. A lot of times I wish it wasn't, but these are just facts that we're divorces. A lot of times I wish it wasn't, but these are just facts that we're dealing with, and a lot of men end up with the wrong, with the short end of the stick, like these are concerns.

JasMeka:

So not only women are stashing. Men are now starting to stash money as well.

Sylvester :

I mean yeah, so not only do we have that thousand dollar to stash money as well.

JasMeka:

I mean yeah, I mean just because I had things set up that thousand dollar emergency fund that we should have in case of emergencies in the home you know what they say. Or six months. We now have the emergency stash for the family and emergency stash is for self.

Sylvester :

Yeah, yeah.

JasMeka:

So it just sounds like it's a lot of unhealthy people trying to create a union and not working on that healing so that we never reach that place of divorce.

JasMeka:

So instead of telling these guys or I hear you kind of you was feeling sorry for him, like I was about to say you want to cry for him, like go, like it touched you.

JasMeka:

But I just feel like what happened in that process where they stopped working, like what happened in the relationship where it turned sour or it turned bitter, like I know we only talking about finances, but even emotionally unstable people, sometimes we get in financial trouble because we're going out spending money that we don't have, or gambling or drinking every night, whatever it may be, whatever you know, it's taken away from the finances of the home. But what, when and where do we stop growing until we reach the point of this may happen? Because instead of the guys being so focused on their anxiety and I need to be stashing money, it's not like they need to be focused on. What do my wife need from me in this season? Who do I need to be right now? Use that anxiety to make your relationship better, just how the girl used her mom advice to bring about the relationship ending, and now she's walking away with 46 000 or whatever it was right I think we need to encourage them to use their energy that way in a different way.

Sylvester :

I mean, there's, you know, different scenarios, you know they just need to be honest with each other.

JasMeka:

the relationship is over. Maybe that's when they start stashing money, because when you in that honeymoon phase I don't really think you stashing money you really think this relationship going to work. Definitely, I think they start stashing money when they feel like I ain't interested.

Sylvester :

I don't want it, no more.

JasMeka:

Why we can't communicate that.

Sylvester :

Or they just, like I said, when it come to men, it's the system that we look at. The system is designed that if it does go down, you out of there. You know what I'm saying. You got to start from sticks and twigs and build something Yourself With less and Once you see it happen to another man, like that's, like it's scary, it's scary. So I just feel like you know, maybe men just need to. We got to address it. We got to address it. Y'all got to communicate more. Whatever makes you feel that way, y'all need to. We gotta address it. Yeah, I gotta come. Whatever makes you feel I need to reach out for help, yeah whatever makes you feel that way.

Sylvester :

Uh, um, pull your, pull your spouse down to the side and uh have the hard conversation.

JasMeka:

It's a tough conversation definitely, yeah, yeah, um.

Sylvester :

Also, I feel like starting, when you get into a relationship, even if you already in it y'all could have already been married X amount of years, whatever, right, and it the way it started out. You know this person was already, you know, the money manager or whatever. Um, but that has that also has to be a conversation, right. Who's going gonna manage the finances? Right? And then what happens is we got to know each other's strengths absolutely and when you're starting off you don't know right.

Sylvester :

so trial and error, right, go ahead and handle it. You know what I'm saying. I mean, if it becomes, you know, to be an issue or whatever, uh, then we'll switch Right Because we trying to figure some things out. I ain't saying you bad at finances or money management, I don't know, but see, these are things too.

JasMeka:

But I don't think.

Sylvester :

These are things, too, that you would know if you were intentionally dating this person before y'all got that serious.

JasMeka:

You'd have already known, right I think I ain't good with money but oh she bet, oh she she.

Sylvester :

She be looking good, but it's at the expense of that account and she ain't keeping that thing balanced.

JasMeka:

She's not good with the finances I would say I think, starting going back to the point you made earlier, they should start off working on a budget together, manage your money together, paying the bills together, sitting down and really having those financial conversations and doing it together. You will see who's the stronger person. Then you just trust but verify, I handle a lot of financial stuff you trust definitely trust verifying that, okay, lights ain't never been cut off, water ain't never been paid off.

JasMeka:

Look in the account okay, all bills paid. And for years I've shown myself consistent in an area, not to the point that you had to pull it away. But if there ever was a time, I'm sure that you see, hey, why the lights can't cut off. I gave you the money. Or ever was a time I'm sure that you see, hey, why the light skin cut off. I gave you the money, or the money was there. Then I'm sure you would have took over.

Sylvester :

Yeah, definitely. We had to sit back down to the table and reevaluate the roles.

JasMeka:

But people can't have that conversation if they got all these secret accounts going on, cause how can I bring my whole check? But then know because how can I bring my whole check?

Sylvester :

but then I I gotta kind of like pull 300 out of it. I mean, even if that's what you do, right, it shouldn't be for something that's secret, right? That's something that your spouse already know you do, because some people don't bring their whole check, some people spring, they hold check minus whatever they're gonna spend or keep for themselves give me all of you nah, man, some people I mean I'm just saying some people do that.

Sylvester :

I don't see a problem with that, with what you keep in your little spinning, change and then bring the rest. That's what I'm saying, I'm not talking about speech.

JasMeka:

I'm saying some people can't. We're saying y'all sit down and talk about the finances. I'm saying some people can't do that if I'm not really telling you how much I made. So I can't sit down and talk to you. But I'm feeling like, if you're in a committed relationship, bring me all of you, bring me, just put it all on the table and let's cook and eat.

Sylvester :

You got some people, that's. You know they're actually living together, right, and I guess actually living together right, and I guess they call themselves in a committed relationship, living together, but they still keep their finances separate they still operate in the way that they were before they came together if you living together and you just dating.

JasMeka:

Combining your money ain't for you, yeah, and that's no commitment. That's, I can leave tomorrow right if I'm just living with you and we're paying bills, because what's a commitment?

Sylvester :

right, a commitment is 100. That's what a commitment is. Partial commitment like what, who won't I?

JasMeka:

don't think I would combine my whole check if we're just dating or living together you know things are for what?

Sylvester :

so it'll take for that person to say will you marry me?

JasMeka:

for you to um it would need to be some ties, because I don't know what happened. When people pass away and I just get to say I was with you for 30 years, do they still honor that law like I don't even know?

Sylvester :

if that's well, that's a law of the lands thing I don't even want to take. I don't even know if that's well, that's a lot of lands thing, uh, I don't even want to think it's like seven years.

JasMeka:

I don't want to take no risks, no, like I'm not combining my money with somebody that I just live with and we're okay. We could say we're in a committed relationship, but we're not married, like you could easily at least I don't know I mean you gotta know the person, because I don't think marriage starts or finishes anything.

JasMeka:

They make me feel a little more assured. I am not combining my money with somebody I'm just living with. And so about the people who buy homes before they marry and I know a couple of cases like this Bought a home with somebody before they got married and then decide they don't want to marry each other and then guess what happened with the house. Now they fighting over that. Like I'm not Married, people still fight over that too. But I'm just saying I'm not doing that, I wouldn't come buy my money.

Sylvester :

She talking trash right now, y'all, but I'm telling you that we was not married, bruh. I'm not bruh. It wouldn't go happen then. Because what?

JasMeka:

wasn't going to happen.

Sylvester :

I'm not finna be living with you and we actually call ourselves being committed Just because we ain't married. We not finna. We not finna. Handle this thing in a way that it's best for both of us.

JasMeka:

So why wouldn't you marry if you want all the benefits, why you? Why wouldn't?

Sylvester :

we marry. I mean you. I like you talking to somebody that's like avidly against marriage, like you're not, so you're going to give me a different answer.

JasMeka:

but I'm just saying you want to combine everything and live like we're happy and we're married and not make it official.

Sylvester :

I mean, I feel you. No, I can understand that, but I can only understand that if you've tried it right and then this person still ain't leading you down the aisle even be on my money if I combine it with you.

JasMeka:

Why? Because we're not married. I need the blessing, so I keep it single and keep my money separated and let the blessings continue to flow. Combining it no, what was? Next Somebody's probably listening to this right now and saying I'm married and I'm still not combining Everybody opinion is opinion.

Sylvester :

Different strokes for different folks.

JasMeka:

Yeah, I just feel like the, the combining of the marriage, money in a marriage, will save a marriage. I feel like having those tough conversations about, about finance, which is conversations we avoid would save the marriage. Like, let's say, if that husband would have went to his wife hey, bae, I'm sure he did. I'm downsizing, I gotta do uber to make ends meet to me. The woman was a bit selfish in this case.

Sylvester :

He went to her and asked her hey, let's downside. I think we should downsize because the stress is too much on me. She said, well, I can go back to work. He said, said no, he didn't want her to. Oh Right, and that's another thing too.

Sylvester :

Be careful, what you agree to right at the beginning of that situation, because it is contractual. So what you agree to, like how y'all going to handle things and how how it's gonna be laid out, who plays what part and everything. That was his pride Like, take. Like take that serious. When a person say, um, when one of these little chicken head city girls say, uh, you find yourself in love with them, but they hit you in the beginning with some, uh, um, just know that my money is my money and your money is our money. Don't, boy, don't fall for it, because she gonna hold you to it. She gonna hold you to it. There was another story about a female who lost her man because, well, she left the dude when he lost his job, slept with his, with his one of his friends or something, and it was because she's in the most listen, I mean these are like women.

Sylvester :

I last time, I last last episode, was about toxic relationships, toxic behavior, right and relationships. This one is also about toxic really, but it's about toxic behaviors and finances Like this is toxic stuff. So if you you got people that actually like, try to live by that.

JasMeka:

But I think in that situation the first situation that guy let his pride get the best of him.

Sylvester :

That could be true.

JasMeka:

When she said I'm willing to go back to work, and he said no, that's on him. All that financial stress is on you because she offered a solution and his pride stopped him and said no. So men got to deal with their pride. You need help. You need help.

Sylvester :

It's okay. It's okay with real women.

JasMeka:

I don't know about the other ones. They feel like, nah, I ain't working. I'm not working a day of my life.

Sylvester :

Right, but if that's what you agreed to, that's what the partner agreed to, then what? They gonna hold them to it, and they got every right to hold them to it. You shouldn't agree to that old. It might sound good on a rap song my money is my money and your money is our money. But who gonna live by that, especially when things happen in life like real life.

JasMeka:

Your money is our money.

Sylvester :

Like babe, don't Listen. That's for the girls. Leave that over there in the sandbox.

JasMeka:

My money is my money. No, no, that's not true, babe don't say that, and there I think, at different income brackets, that there is some truth to that go ahead like let's say, a guy makes a lot of money and he truly believe in his heart. Babe, whatever money you make from the side business you got going on, that's yours. Build your business, focus on the kids. So there are some instances where my money is my money and your money is our money and it's okay.

Sylvester :

I mean, I feel like that's something to where. Okay if that's, if that's how the situation that's what I'm praying for.

JasMeka:

Like that's we continue to grow and build my money yeah different perspective. Right right, it's my money. A different situation, totally situation, and I can understand that, okay, okay okay, I can definitely understand that.

Sylvester :

I think, if that's the case, I can understand that. However, you still working a nine to five. That's not the case, right? You might have a good job, right? Don't agree to that.

JasMeka:

Talking to the fellas.

Sylvester :

The fellas Don't agree to that.

JasMeka:

I think we should let them know what our belief is so they can understand where we come from. We already told you all our money is combined. We don't go with this 50-50. It's 100-100. Give all of you, I'm going to give all of me. Let's maximize both of our efforts and build so. That's our belief, that's our motto. Whenever we come at y'all, it's going to be in a stance of 100-100. You know, 50-50 or 100-0. Whatever, that's just who we are.

Sylvester :

That's who we are.

JasMeka:

That's who we are. So back to what you were saying. Yeah, don't agree to telling these people my money is our money and your money is your money if you can't afford it.

Sylvester :

Not if you can't afford it, if you can't afford it, don't do it. And to the fellas, you can't afford it if you can't afford it, that's don't do it until the fellas.

JasMeka:

You can't buzz, let me come for them. Stop using y'all money as power. I heard on the radio today they was asking would you rather a faithful man that makes no money or a cheater who makes a whole lot of money?

Sylvester :

I'm like why they just can't make a whole lot of money and be faithful because you got a lot of hoes out here nowadays who they're gonna go for that a lot of selfish men out here who will not deny they sell like you could deny yourself.

Sylvester :

I don't care how many hoes first of all, any man who puts his money before, like in front of him, um, is a man who lacks confidence, self-confidence and is a man who doesn't know who he is. That's a man who ain't got no game. He can't speak for himself, so he needs money to speak for him. Like that's another thing. Like in today's society, like it's a bunch of tricks and hoes the females are brought up. That like society is like really training them to be hoes and they training these do the males to be tricks, so they have no game. They can't get nothing without pulling out some money out of their pocket Like come on, I ain't come from an era like that Stop using y'all money for power.

Sylvester :

I ain't come from that, so y'all know fellas, the real ones. We know you ain't got to pull nothing out to get nothing you want, because it's not. It's not on you, it's in you.

JasMeka:

Some guys feel like because they bring all the money to the table, they, you know, they move to pieces. Hey, if they great at it and it's working and it flourishes and you paying all the bills and I'm safe and I'm secure, hey, but not if you're managing the money but you kind of controlling me with the money too, in a way Like that's toxic, that's unhealthy.

Sylvester :

I mean you got a lot of dudes too that make a lot of money right and manage it right?

JasMeka:

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, if it works.

Sylvester :

But let me tell you how that could end up being a trap too, because, like I said, you want to minimize the opportunities that you have to mess up and if you, managing all the money is setting traps for yourself, right, because you're able to hide things from your spouse and you're able to move how you want to move and move how you might not want to move. You know, because of your you know, conscious, wise, you might need to go ahead and, like, include her in that, just to have some accountability. You know what I'm saying, saying just to keep y'all safe. But, as we all know, money, the love of money, is the root of all evil and you know, power corrupts and ultimate power corrupts ultimately. Yeah, and ultimate power corrupts ultimately.

JasMeka:

Yeah, if you're in a committed relationship.

Sylvester :

I don't want all the power. You know what I'm saying. I don't want all the power because the person with all the power is the person that self-destructs. I don't want all the power. You don't have no accountability. When you got all the power, when you got all the money, when you got all the money, when you the one with all the, let me share it Please. You know what I'm saying. That way, we keep each other in line. People need accountability. We only human.

JasMeka:

You think your friends will call you a sucker because we got a joint account. Well, not your friends Males, because your friends think, kind of suck, some might do.

Sylvester :

Some might do, but there might be the same dudes who you know they want to make sure they have a back door to slip out of. You feel what I'm saying? And we don't live the same. That boy, kendrick, say they not like us, they not like us, they not like us, hey.

JasMeka:

If y'all like us, let us know. If y'all agree to join the counts In a marriage Committed relationship, drop it in the chat. We want to see how many people on it. We want to see how many people on it. So talk about those finances, control those spendings, and then you got some Some, some, some, some, some, some, some people. They are just bad with money management. They're rolling for you. They ain't rolling for you, you ain't got to be great at everything. What you ain't good at, pass on to the other person.

Sylvester :

Thank you, thank you.

JasMeka:

You don't have to do it.

Sylvester :

I don't care if you've been doing it all this time. Nah, i'ma start it If things happen. If things happen right, like, let's just deal with it. Like I said, this marriage thing, okay, okay, but this marriage thing, we gotta kind of like keep it alongside. You know, business, right, it's not totally, it's business and love, Like, but so when the company companies, they look for things that happen right, the news makes a difference in how companies move. Right, what's happening in the world? What's happening here? What's happening in the industry? Right, what's happening in the world? What's happening here, what's happening in the industry?

Sylvester :

Look at what's happening in your household, the things that happen in your household, in your life, at your, you know, in your job, right, something changed, things change. Right, a new child, things change. This is the news that you got to pay attention to within your life, right Inside of your relationship, so that you know how to move. If certain things happen, then we have to come back and reevaluate. You know what we're doing with the finances and who's doing what with the finances. If we see that you're not able to and you ain't, then come on, let's switch it. That ain't nobody downing you for it, because it ain't about you, it's about us.

JasMeka:

But back to your comments you made earlier About.

Sylvester :

I got to.

JasMeka:

Before I forget my question, just an intentional date. And you said you don't care how long they been doing it, so they need to ask that person okay, you've been doing it for this long, how well has it worked? What do you got to show for it? Like I, you show me that you know how to manage money, grow money.

Sylvester :

Just show me like that's what I want to say. Which, which, which date you feel like it's safe to ask that question about the money, not the first day. No, no, I ain't asking about the money, not the first date.

JasMeka:

No, I know I ain't asking about your money on the first day which day, what number?

Sylvester :

give me a number? I want to say by like the fourth date like the fourth day, you can hit it with the first day you want to know what they were right.

JasMeka:

Right, you know what's they set up or their situation. By the second date, you writing it down. I'm writing it down. By the second date, I'm probably going to ask you how much you like your job, just to see if you're on the verge of quitting or about to get fired, right right.

JasMeka:

Then by the third date I'm kind of watching where you're taking me out on a date just to see, like, try to gauge where your money really is Then by the fourth date, I got to hit you with the question so how well do you handle your money?

Sylvester :

And I wonder how do men like leave something down in the comments? How would you take that as a man I'm talking to the men For a woman to be asking you that question on the fourth date? How do you feel about that? Do you feel like that's appropriate, do you feel like it's too soon? Or do you feel like don't ask me that at all? How do y'all feel about that, fellas?

JasMeka:

Ladies, make sure you ask Me personally.

Sylvester :

I wouldn't have a problem with it. For a woman going that deep with her questioning, it has to be at an appropriate time though. Right, I ain't even really sure about you, but you coming at me with all this, it's like, yeah, you moving a little bit too fast man.

JasMeka:

But before I get deeply interested in you, I need to know.

Sylvester :

Okay, but nah, that is an indication to me that she's feeling you and she's thinking about the future with you in mind, and if you feeling her too, then that's a good thing.

JasMeka:

By the fourth date. I'm kind of trying to figure out how you are with your finances and even if you tell me this glamorous story, because you don't think they're going to give the honest feedback on that date. But I'm going to watch. I'm going to watch what you're doing. I'm going to watch how you're driving. I'm going to see where you're living. If I got a friend that kind of work in a bank or something, I'm going to watch how you're driving. I'm going to see where you're living. If I got a friend that kind of work in a bank or something, I'm going to ask her to see if she could pull something up. There needs to be some investigation.

Sylvester :

You're going to be intentional.

JasMeka:

And I'm not saying I dated you because of money. That ain't even my character.

Sylvester :

Yeah, but we're talking. I understand that. But if you're dating with the intentions of building and being in a committed relationship, which leads to maybe marriage and you know everything. Hey, then you definitely got to take that serious.

JasMeka:

You got to so if you met him at the bar, he had about 10 shots. Pay attention to that because there may be an addiction. And guess what happened with addictions?

Sylvester :

it depletes money yeah, yeah, somebody gotta pay for that it, it depletes because ain't nobody buying him, no shots right.

JasMeka:

So just pay attention to behavior like or if this person always in designers and not bashing designers but it's like okay, you're a school teacher, you got about five gucci bags, um, you always in the red bottoms, right, you're just a school teacher, all right. So it's just something, something to watch out for, maybe to check going to, and maybe she'll have no responsibilities at that time so she can't ball out on herself because she'll have no kids or whatever the situation may be. Just make sure that's not an addiction, because guess what happens with that? It brings stress on the relationship. And don't be trying to keep up with the joneses. I don't even know who the joneses are, do you?

Sylvester :

I know some Joneses. I like them.

JasMeka:

Not a real rich Joneses. They do Not, us Joneses Like this little white fucking fence, and that that's what kills a relationship too. So when they talk about. Finances, you know, is the number one cause of divorce. It's because a lot of couples are trying to keep up with this fake image.

Sylvester :

Competition.

JasMeka:

What are you called to build? What's your relationship supposed to look like? Right everybody's uniquely different. So I think, just trying to keep up with the joneses and we going in debt, now we bickering because we can't pay this card or that card, or you done maxed out this card exactly and that's what create that tension in a relationship like did really really, really truly deal with that inner.

Sylvester :

You like personally, collectively, like heal, heal, heal it and I know I said something earlier about a man who allows his you know, who wants his money to speak for him. Right, because he can't speak for himself. There's another angle to that, too your money should speak for you. This is in a way that whatever you're about, whatever you're building, your money should speak to you that way. Put your money into things that you are passionate about, things that are helping you solidify a foundation and a future for your family, like if that's what you about. Your money should say that, right Of all, your money telling me is Gucci, prada, fendi, you know this bag, that bag.

Sylvester :

If that's all your money saying to me I already know what your future look like. You know what I'm saying. Your money should be saying some other things to me and, like, when I'm getting to know you in a relationship, your money should say that, oh, this is a responsible person. The bills are never late. Right Determined, they invest for the future. Right, determined, they invest for the future. They save up Until they can get enough For investment opportunities. They care about their children. You know what I'm saying.

Sylvester :

If they got children if that's the situation, they care about their upkeep, definitely look good, but they don't overspend so that they could put on a persona. Like, what is your money saying to that other person? For the ones who are still in the dating phase, what is your money saying? Right, all these guys who like to put money? Right, what's your money actually saying to these people? And for the females, or even for the dudes too, what is this person money, the way that they use their money, the things they're doing with their money what is that saying to you about that person?

JasMeka:

so those fellas I know I said by date four, try to figure out what, how they handle them finances. By date eight or ten, I might be pushing it, I might be reaching. Try to look at that credit score Cause why you late on the oh girl you hot.

JasMeka:

Why you late on the the credit score. Why you late on the cable bill. We need to have a conversation about that. You got a job. Why you late on the cable bill $50. Why you late Needs to be a conversation. Why you late on a cable bill $50. Why you late Needs to be a conversation. Why you late.

Sylvester :

They coming for the credits go.

JasMeka:

No, y'all need to come for it too Cause you don't want to date nobody With a 500 credits go 400. Y'all need to look at that too On a date. So y'all got the printouts Y'all sliding to look at that too On a date.

Sylvester :

So y'all got the printouts, y'all slide them, slide me yours, slide me yours.

JasMeka:

Slide the thing from the table. I don't even trust that Printout Log into. I don't even want credit karma Log into experience.

Sylvester :

Log into experience. We ain't even doing credit karma. I don't want you to print it out and bring it to me. Log into experience.

JasMeka:

Log into experience. We ain't even doing credit karma, baby. No, I don't want you to print it out and bring it to me, because they got this little thing where you can change up names. I don't want you logging into credit karma because they're lying.

Sylvester :

Yeah, you might be dating a fraud.

JasMeka:

Log into experience.

Sylvester :

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Get that credit score?

JasMeka:

Okay, been late 12 times. What happened? What happened there? Okay, you lost your job. You was transitioning, okay, okay, so I see that you've been current for the past 12 months.

Sylvester :

Well, ma'am, I see you had a lot of. Okay, you had a job. That was it's a long little gap without employment. What did you do, what? What did you do between all these gaps of employment?

JasMeka:

So you asking for resumes too listen.

Sylvester :

I need to, hey, I need to know what.

JasMeka:

What I'm dealing with now y'all be intentional about dating man, stop just dating, for looks like it's so much more. If we be intentional about our date and paying attention to this stuff, the divorce rate can go down.

Sylvester :

Right and by being intentional you can find somebody that look good, that fit your type, and they ain't gonna make your life a living hell Like we finding people that fit our type and that we attracted to physically, but then our life turn out to live in hell and we feel like that ain't the way to go. Maybe I just need to start trying to date outside my type. No, you just need to be more intentional about people that's your type. Be more intentional about it.

JasMeka:

That concludes today's episode. How much, how much, how much, how much money you got in the bank.

Sylvester :

Nah much, I'm telling you.

JasMeka:

How much money you got in the bank. Nah, I'm just playing y'all, but um For real, be intentional With this Day in.

Sylvester :

Definitely, and we gonna take y'all Out on the note Money, money, money Money.

JasMeka:

Let me get some. I gotta go with the girls. Money Huh, let me get some. I gotta go with the girls, I already got it. See y'all, see y'all.